Job 13:15

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Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; I will surely defend my ways to his face.
Job 13:15 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/job.13.15.NIV

This is one of my favorite verses. Many times in my life I thought God was slaying. I didn’t understand what he was doing or why. Sometimes the what would come together but the why would remain elusive. The why doesn’t really matter though. I know I am not going through half the things Job went through and God proved himself faithful then.

I like that I will surely defend my ways to his face. God isn’t afraid of confrontation or our feelings. I like that. It shows that he really wants to be our friend and not just our father. He knows what I am thinking anyway so I might as well get it out.

Things tend to always find a way to come together, better than I thought or could have imagined. God is good All the time.Even when we don’t understand, even when don’t like it, he is good. I’m so glad I have this verse as a reminder. It’s never as bad as I think it is. God won’t play me and he won’t play you either.

It’s not you, its me

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Such a cliche right? I know but cliches are well known for a reason. It definitely fits my situation.

I have been pretty M.I.A most of the winter and spring. I usually hideout during the winter just because it’s cold and get over that post holiday hump but this year was different.

So many people had awesome things going on around me, new babies, new jobs, new houses and we didn’t have anything new happening. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing or surprising. We have been cruising in a good space for a while, we have found a good rhythm. Its hard to admit you are jealous or envious of your friends or family or coworkers. I don’t want to use the word envious or jealous because those are usually described as negative emotions. It’s more I’m happy for you and sad for me. Nobody wants that kind of energy at their birthday party, housewarming, BBQ, etc. I never want to be a Debbie Downee when I go somewhere so I just decided to stay away. That probably wasnt the best way to do it but hey we do what we know.

I know somebody who has had to watch other people around her have kids for years and she has been nothing but supportive. She is older than me so maybe it takes years to grow to that level of maturity. I admire that because I definitely couldn’t do it. I am not there yet but I’m working on it. God is making it more and more uncomfortable to be in this box. I haven’t been to a baby shower in years but now the people having babies are getting closer and closer to me. No choice but to go. I’m also trying to grow. I know I should be doing better, it is just hard.

The next time you haven’t heard from someone you care about in a while, reach out. I appreciate all the invites I got even though I wasn’t going.

The biggest reason now that’s holding me back from jumping back into the fray of where I used to hang out is because I don’t want to explain what I have been doing or why I wasn’t around.

That’s probably selfish of me. Would you feel like you wanted an explanation? Would you accept its not you, it’s me?

Tempted by the devil

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Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are.

1 Peter 5:8‭-‬9 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/1pe.5.8-9.NLT

The devil never tempts us with things we don’t like. I have been dreaming about things I used to do, activities I have given up. I haven’t thought about them in months and then I have like 3 dreams back to back about it. Definitely kind of crazy. This verse of the day really made me think like this must be a warning from God.I am supposed to be reading Job this week but I really don’t want to. That whole story started because the devil wanted to mess with him, prove a point to God. Now I know God allowed it but he still was testing him, threw his name out there to see what would happen. I hope God isn’t testing me. I am no Job or Jesus. He was tested too. I may fall back into temptation. Maybe, maybe not. I certainly hope not. It is easy for me to rationalize when I want to do something. I have some free time coming up and idle hands are the devils playground. I am definitely going to stay aware and prayed up.

Keep that same energy

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I just got back from vacation and it was amazing. My husband knows how to show me a good time. It was exactly what we needed after having a rough winter. I love to travel, going places doing things, just being out of my house and doing something new. Research shows that it’s easier to get through your days if you are planning a vacation or have something to look forward to. Why is that? Shouldn’t we have joy in our day to day?

Keep that same energy is Teyana Taylor new album title. I haven’t listened to it but the title really got me thinking. How do you do that? Once you get back from vacation why is there such a plateau, such a crash? It literally has a name…post vacation blues. When you are on vacation there is such a high and when you get back home its like, uh, let me get back to the grind. I want to break that cycle.

When I got home I didn’t get all sad, like man my vacation is over. Instead I’m making the best of my time here. I’m taking that just go with the flow vacation vibe and carrying that into my work week. I dont want to be down and just waiting to leave again. I want to enjoy my time in my home and in my city, just like I do on vacation.

I want to keep that same energy. I want to be carefree and let the stress roll of my back.

How am I am going to do that?

1. Be here now- when I am vacation I’m not on my phone. I am just enjoying each moment. I will continue that philosophy when I am home, limiting my time on social media and group chats. This way I am in control of what I take in.

2. Quiet time- when I am on vacation I dont have to rush through my devotional. I really get good one on one time with God. It is harder to not rush my devotional at home but it can be done, I just have to be more intentional with my time.

3. Be active- if you can believe it, even though I did a lot of laying around on vacation I actually exercised every day too. Definitely not something I do at home nor will I necessarily be able to duplicate but I can get close. Being active puts me in a better mood than laying around. Instead of getting off work and trying to catch up on shows or social media and I am going to try to do some physical activity.

4. Try new things- best thing about vacation is trying stuff you wouldn’t normally do at home. That can be anything, new food, drinks or experiences. Why can’t we do that at home? I am lucky that I live in a city that I can find all kinds of new things. So once a month I am going to try and find something or someplace I have never been before.

I know none of these things are super hard but it is the small things that make vacation great. If I bring all the small things I like about vacation into my every day life then I can bring a little bit of vacation back with me.

0 to 100 real quick

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I tend to do that more often than I realized. I was all excited a few weeks ago because a lot of things were happening at once, got a raise, interview opportunity, and I thought I was pregnant. I was like wow God you really are laying it on me. Ok. I wasn’t prepared but I’m like ok this is a good thing. Then I thought like wait, its too good to be true, God is doing this to get my attention there is no way that all this awesomeness can happen at once. I was freaking out because I kept thinking that it was too good to be true. I didn’t think that I could get all the things that I was praying for all at once.  For now, I was right.

womp womp

Didn’t get the job and wasn’t pregnant. A bunch of let down right around the same time. I’m not super disappointed anymore about not being pregnant because as you are reading this I am chilling on the sandy beaches in Mexico and being pregnant here would not have been as fun. I’m not upset about the job because I got beat out by the best and I can’t really be mad at that. I want to explore this topic more, having it all. Where did it come from? Is it actually achievable? I will talk about this more in a later post.

I know what’s for me will be given to me. Nobody, not even me can get in the way of that. I don’t know if God had all that happen to get my attention. Its definitely possible. I haven’t prayed and fasted that much in a long while. I knew that I needed to step it up. I talked about that in a previous post.  I feel like there was other things he could do to get my attention although I have to admit these were definitely the best. Maybe it was the devil messing with me. I will never know. I do know that God will never play me and he is not a trickster. I couldn’t find any examples in the bible where he gave the people  something good and then snatched it away or gave someone something good to get their attention and then changed his mind. If there is something out there please let me know. One of my favorite verses is, God is not like man he doesn’t lie or change his mind (Numbers 23:19).

So I’m essentially right back where I started aside from the pay increase. When I think about how ridiculous I was acting it makes me laugh. I couldn’t even enjoy the blessing because I was waiting on the other shoe to drop.

shoe to drop

I’m sure if it was from God his feelings would be hurt over how I was acting. Who wants to give their kid a present for them to keep checking if you are going to ask for it back? I wouldn’t. So if learned any lesson this week it would be to relax. Enjoy each moment. I know everything works out for my good (Romans 8:28) and I know God has plans he made with my name on them (Jeremiah 29:11).

be here now

Broken

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Broken-
having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order 

(of a person) having given up all hope; despairing.

I used to think I was broken using both definitions. That I was living a lie, that I was going out in the world and acting like everything was ok when it wasn’t. I felt like something inside of me was broken and could not be fixed. I had a hole in my heart that was irreparable. I tried a lot of this but nothing could fill it, not partying, not work, not my friends, not my husband, everything I was trying to do wasn’t working.

So in my last resort I turned to God. I’m glad I did. I learned I’m not broken. God made me this way. He has plans for me that are good. I didn’t always believe that or understand but I stayed in the word. It made a huge difference on my outlook in life. There is beauty in my brokenness. I wouldn’t have grown in my relationship with God if I wasn’t broken. Everyday is practice in reminding myself that I have to meet no one expectations but my own.

If you feel broken just know you don’t have to stay that way. There is a way out. You won’t be able to do it on your own, not long lasting. Getting out of your head and closer to God is the only long term solution and potentially seeing a therapist.

Updated: since I wrote the above words Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain have both committed suicide. This has sparked debate about what role does prayer and God specifically play in mental health. I think that God is our first resource in working on our mental health. Getting into your bible, prayer, fasting, meditating, it’s all an important part of the healing process. We can’t do it on our own and believing you can may be a fatal mistake. You need tools to overcome things you have been through. Seek help if you need it.

New series alert!

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I had been wanting to do summaries of books in the bible for a while and I read some really awesome ones online. I didn’t think my mine were good enough so I didn’t go ahead with the idea. I was trying to make them too much like the ones I saw and not do it in my voice. The old testament can be boring but there are some interesting perspectives and lessons we can glean from it. I have been doing a bible in a year plan and was going to start this way back when I was in Numbers. I talked myself out of it. I didn’t want my readers who weren’t into God to leave. I didn’t want to appear to churchy. Isn’t that insane? It’s a blog about God!

Bible-reading-plan

My goal is to help people with their spiritual growth. Reading your bible is one way to do that. Its really the first step in moving up in your spiritual maturity. If you read my thoughts on a particular book you may want to go back and read some of it yourself. Bare with me as I try this out. The bible has so much to unpack, I don’t want to overwhelm myself. This will be good for me and good for you too. I’m excited to see where this series go. I haven’t fleshed it all out yet but now that I told you, I can’t back out now. Thanks readers for just by your presence holding me accountable.

First post in this series will be the first week of July. I currently just finished 2 Chronicles. I will probably start there but I may go back as well to some of the books that I missed.

Guilty

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via Daily Prompt: Guilty

I know this daily prompt is late but it was too good for me to pass up so I’m posting it anyway. Update: since writing this post I have learned that the daily prompt from WordPress is now gone. (gasp!) I loved the daily word prompt. It really stretched me. I am still going to do one, I just need to figure out how I want to do it. If anyone knows why they decided to stop let me know.

Guilty-a feeling of having done wrong or failed in an obligation.

Guilt is a powerful thing. I have been trying to live as guilt free as possible because I used to carry around a lot of guilt. Guilt for things I had done in the past, guilt for the way I handled situations, just guilt, guilt, guilt. I wrote about some solutions to getting rid of guilt in a post from the beginning of the year. Its worth a read if you have some time. I also talked about Condemnation vs. Conviction. That is the big thing with guilt. Some of it can be good, like conviction. Conviction lets you know you are doing something wrong. Condemnation is bad because it takes you away from God. Guilt is like condemnations little brother. You don’t typically have one without the other.

Guilt-does-to-the-soul

Guilt is not of God. Don’t do it to yourself. Don’t let anyone else make you feel guilty either. The whole point of confession is that you don’t have to carry this burden anymore. Guilt is carrying around the burden and Jesus is a burden bearer. Psalm 68:19.

Resources

http://www1.cbn.com/keys-powerful-living-overcoming-guilt

Guilt vs. Shame [Infographic]

View at Medium.com

View at Medium.com

View at Medium.com

View at Medium.com

Healthy lifestyle

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This is healthy living thing is not as easy as it looks. It doesn’t look easy but I know a lot of people that do it so I figured it can’t be too difficult. Wrong! I talk a lot about spiritual growth and being I intentional. I make it my business to do my devotional every day, read my bible before bed, pray, etc. I have to have that same intensity for my physical health lifestyle change.

I was eating my breakfast burrito and thinking I had made a fairly healthy choice and my friend was like, that’s not really healthy Dom and it’s kinda of lazy. Sheesh! I wasnt ready for that but she was right. She gave me some good ideas for meal prep and some books and things I could check out. Her pointing out the laziness in my process really made me stop and think. I was doing the same thing and expecting different results. I have been walking 8000 steps or more every day or other and I have cut back on my carbs but that’s what I always do around this time of year. I need to be intentional. I need to incorporate this into my daily life not as something that’s an after thought. I approach my spiritual growth very seriously. I read books and podcasts, I study. I haven’t done much I this process. I certainly haven’t done anything differently. I’m on a fake yoyo diet. I dont want to continue going up and down. I need to make a lifestyle change which is going to be harder than I initially thought.

I need to make a real life schedule just like I do for everything else. To walk 4 miles it takes at least an hour and once I start riding my bike it will take even longer. Exercising takes away from me wanting to write. Not good. So the smart thing to do would be to work out on the days I don’t have a blog to post. But the days I don’t post I’m usually doing a church activity, bible study, Food pantry, etc.

I heard the other day that you can have it all just not at the same time. Do you think that’s true? I want it all I want to be super healthy in mind,body, and soul, involved in church, awesome blogger/writer and still have time to hang with my husband, family, and friends. How do you do it? What should I do? Right now the struggle is real.

One year!

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achievement

One year! I can hardly believe it. When I registered this blog a year ago I would never have thought I would be here. I have almost 80 followers which doesn’t seem like a lot but I didn’t think that people would want to hear what I had to say, especially because I was talking about God. My start was bumpy. I registered this site in June but I didn’t do my first post until October.  I was scared. I was following what God told me to do but I was moving really slow about it. I wanted it to be perfect, I wanted to have 10 posts before I went live. So many things now, I realize didn’t matter.

 

I write because it makes me feel good. I write because it helps me get all the things that are inside my head out and on to paper. When I write I feel closer to God. I started this blog because I know this crazy journey I have been on wasn’t just for me. I am happy that it has helped and inspired people. I am proud of myself because this blog has helped me more than it has probably helped anybody. Self examination and growth is hard. Like real hard. Putting the wild things you think on paper for people to judge is also hard. I never wanted to be judged by things I wrote because I probably already judged myself harder than any random person could. I know I could be doing things better, responding better, living better. I see people going through harder trials then me with a smile on their face every day.

I am working on it. I am proud of the woman I am becoming. I don’t know everything and I no longer feel like I have to pretend I do. That is a big deal. I am getting people to reflect on their behavior, which is great. It is the thing I want to do the most, is help people be the best versions of themselves.

Keep reading, keep following, keep supporting. I am so appreciative. I hope you are getting something out of these words. I am excited for what the next blogging year will bring.

Yours in writing,

Dominique