Broken

 

Broken-
having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working orderĀ 

(of a person) having given up all hope; despairing.

I used to think I was broken using both definitions. That I was living a lie, that I was going out in the world and acting like everything was ok when it wasn’t. I felt like something inside of me was broken and could not be fixed. I had a hole in my heart that was irreparable. I tried a lot of this but nothing could fill it, not partying, not work, not my friends, not my husband, everything I was trying to do wasn’t working.

So in my last resort I turned to God. I’m glad I did. I learned I’m not broken. God made me this way. He has plans for me that are good. I didn’t always believe that or understand but I stayed in the word. It made a huge difference on my outlook in life. There is beauty in my brokenness. I wouldn’t have grown in my relationship with God if I wasn’t broken. Everyday is practice in reminding myself that I have to meet no one expectations but my own.

If you feel broken just know you don’t have to stay that way. There is a way out. You won’t be able to do it on your own, not long lasting. Getting out of your head and closer to God is the only long term solution and potentially seeing a therapist.

Updated: since I wrote the above words Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain have both committed suicide. This has sparked debate about what role does prayer and God specifically play in mental health. I think that God is our first resource in working on our mental health. Getting into your bible, prayer, fasting, meditating, it’s all an important part of the healing process. We can’t do it on our own and believing you can may be a fatal mistake. You need tools to overcome things you have been through. Seek help if you need it.

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Conversant

Conversant-familiar or knowledgeable of something

Are you conversant with the character of God? As I work on my spiritual growth and move from just being saved but actually becoming the person that God wanted me to be when he knit me in my mothers womb, I have been studying God’s character. I often worry about disappointing God or sliding back into bad character habits. God reminded of one aspect of his character that I hadn’t given a lot of thought too. Mercy. The lord is merciful in the ways he deals with us. He is slow to anger and merciful. (Psalm 103:8) He doesn’t punish us for all our sins. He isn’t going to come in snatch everything away from me if I make a mistake. He sees my heart and knows my intentions. (1 Chronicles 28:9) I have a great cloud witnesses in heaven that are cheering me on and wanting me to do well. (Hebrews 12:1)

dont be so hard

Psalm 103 is great for getting more information about the character of God.

  • He forgives all my sins
  • Heals all my diseases
  • He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies
  • Fills me with good things
  • He won’t constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever
  • He is tender and compassionate
  • His love remains forever

Those are just the highlights.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%20103&version=NLT

Action: Go back and read this Psalm in its entirety. Knowing the character of God allows us to remember the most important thing about our relationship with Him. He loves us, he wants us to win. He is not nearly as hard on us as we are on ourselves.

Conversant