Tag Archives: breakthrough

Boy mom

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Originally written 3/22/22

I found out on International Women’s Day that I was having a boy. So many emotions went through me and none of them were excitement. Yes I’m happy I’m having another baby. Yes this baby is healthy and strong. But I can’t say I didn’t want a girl. I never pictured myself as a boy mom. I do not like the things traditionally prescribed to boys. I felt like God was thinking I wasn’t a good enough woman to have a daughter. I know logically that isn’t true. But it sure is hard when you’re praying up and down for a girl and that doesn’t happen.

Justgirlproject

It’s hard not to take it personal. Gods ways are higher than mine though. I always come back to the verse of those who hope in the Lord won’t be disappointed. When I had my first son I felt a way at first. But he is the light of my way. He is so funny, so energetic, so full of life. He is not afraid of anything. He is always up for an adventure. He is 2 going on 12. I am not disappointed. I know when his brother gets here I’ll love on him too.

Before I knew I was having a boy I was walking around in pink, manifesting things, calling the baby a girl, doing everything to convince God that I knew what was best for our family.

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I’m the kind of person that needs a reason, so Iike to believe that I don’t have a daughter of my own so I can pour into other young women and girls. So I can birth a book, so I can mother myself. Knowing that I can still impact a young girls life, does make me feel better.

Raising a black man in these times is hard. I’m grateful that God saw something in me that believes I’m capable of the job. Yes I know my husband will play a role in that but this isn’t about him right now. Lol

The biggest thing for me is adjusting the way I thought my life was going to look. I always imagined one boy and one girl. Girl first because that’s the dynamic I have in my family. I think that’s what gender disappointment is all about, mourning the life you had previously envisioned.

Now that my 2nd son is here I know God made the right decision. He fits into our family perfectly.

Until next time,

Dominique

Are your actions matching your prayers?

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We talked this time last year about feeling like God left you on read. I was able to give you 10 reasons.

Just a few reasons:

1. Are you spending time with God? 2. Are your motives good? 3. Did He already answer and you didn’t like what he said?

As I have been praying for things this summer another one came to my attention.

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Have my actions aligned with what I’ve been praying for? When I was praying for a baby I was doing everything to show God I was ready.

My pastor says we have to show God we are serious. I wanted a baby but the babies room was my closet. I was partying every weekend and eating terribly. That’s not going to work. I needed to get some things in order.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
Mark 11:24 NIV

Do you want a new job and your applying a lot of places but no hits yet? Have you mentally checked out of your current position? Are you still doing your best or just going through the motions?

Your praying for a spouse but have you done your own work to be ready for them when God sends them your way?

You want to write a book but have you set time assign to make sure you get it done?

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Don’t read this as manipulation because it’s not. Its putting yourself in the best position possible. It goes back to bloom where you’re planted

Gods timing is always best but we can show him we are ready. Faith without works are dead. We play an active role in our lives. The choices we make big or small make are all impactful.

Until next time,

Dominique

How to feel your feelings

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Feelings can be tricky. I have always had a complicated relationship with my feelings. One of my favorite sayings is feelings lie. Calling someone a liar isn’t a great way to start off a relationship. In the last year though I have started to come around to the thought that feelings are useful. I was a classic stuffer. If something bothered me, I would just stuff it down and ignore it as long as possible. I would distract myself in books or sitcoms until I didn’t feel bad anymore. I used to be uncomfortable when other people expressed their emotions. You start crying around me and I was done! Done!

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This isn’t the healthiest way to deal with things for sure.

Feelings are not good or bad, they just are.

Feelings are just a signal alerting your body to something.

I could only identify with negative feelings, like anger. This I know how to express. Or sadness, like when someone dies. You having a bad day, ha! Suck it up.

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Someone gave me a feelings wheel last year that I found to be extremely helpful. I also use both of these methods that I found online this year.

@justgirlproject

I like this one for justgirlproject because writing things down is helpful for me. The talking to someone part is more tricky because that involves being vulnerable which I don’t always like. Now that I have been doing it more often, I noticed that being vulnerable isn’t all bad. When you are that transparent about your situation or feelings other people tend to be as well.

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I like this one too because its something my pastor says to do. He also says, questions your thoughts. Why do I feel this way? Is it true? Is it based on fact?

As much as I did not like feeling my feelings, I noticed that the more I did, the better I felt. The truth about feelings are if you don’t deal with them now, you will certainly have to deal with them later.

The bible has a whole book that talks about feelings…Psalms. The writers of that book were not afraid to talk to God about how they felt. They poured out their anguish, their devotion, their misery and God responded. Even if you have no one to talk to about your feelings, talk to God. He made our heart, so he understands how we feel.

Resources

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/harnessing-principles-change/202010/the-key-skill-we-rarely-learn-how-feel-your-feelings

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/healthy-emotions_b_4856069

https://www.jointheprogressproject.com/podcast/138

Don’t look back

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How often have you been on the edge of a breakthrough but you just can’t let go of the past? Are you still answering those U up texts?

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Do you hold on to bad habits because its more comfortable? Bad relationships? Do you keep from making the leap because the unknown is scary? Do you talk yourself right out of your blessing? I have definitely done the majority of these things. The unknown is scary. How do I know I’m going to like it? Will this be as good as I expect?

Another biblical woman had the same problem. Lots wife. Genesis 19:15-26. God told her and her family to run from Gomorrah as it was burning down and don’t look back. However she couldn’t help herself. She looked back and she turned into a pillar of salt.

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Poof! She was gone just like that. *snaps fingers*

Thankfully God doesn’t turn us into pillars of salt when we try to hang on to the past or when we want to bring the past with us into the next stage of our life. I certainly have done that. I want to do all the things. I never want to leave anything behind, I just want to carry everything that I collect into my next space.

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giphy.com -me carrying all my old stuff to my new blessings

We aren’t supposed to do that. Sometimes God wants us to leave things behind. Sometimes he wants us to not look back and just go forward. We don’t always know why God wants us to leave things behind, typically when he asks us to take a leap of faith he doesn’t give us all the steps first.

We can learn some things from Lots wife. She may have had good reasons for looking back but when God asks you to move, you move. Doubts are ok, we learned that lesson from Eve but ask your questions as you go forward.

Looking back at the past or trying to bring it with you is trying to assert a sense of control of your life. I understand wanting to have control. It makes us feel more comfortable, it makes us feel like we have some say so in how things turn out. God wants us to remember that HE is in control. We don’t control our outcomes, he does. We don’t want to put more trust in ourselves than we do in God.

As you walk into the next season of your life, remember that God is not going to ask you do something that isn’t for your good. Romans 8:28 It will be hard but go forward and don’t look back.

You can do this and it will be easier to focus on the next thing if you aren’t focusing on old things. Pour all your effort into your future, not the past.

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Until next time,

Dominique