2020 is finally ending. Thank goodness! It wasn’t a bad year but I am glad that it is almost over. It has been interesting year for sure. I definitely learned a lot about myself and about other people. Here are some of the lessons that I learned.
Letgo of things that don’t serve me, perfectionism and overthinking, just to name a few.
I am enough.
You can definitely have too much of a good thing.
Pour into people that pour into me.
It’s ok to say no.
I’m not responsible for the choices that anyone else makes.
Self care is not selfish.
Perfectionism is a form of procrastination.
Healing and growth are not linear.
Read the directions on hair and skincare products. It can be helpful.
Trying new things is good even if you suck at it.
Feel my feelings.
Feelings aren’t bad or good, they just are.
Shame is a tool of the devil to keep you from reaching your full potential.
Lean not on my own understanding.
I can break generational curses.
I don’t have to do everything. I can ask for help.
I told yall I had beef with this Proverb. It just seemed so unattainable.
However, after reading it again it doesn’t focus on the work of a woman as much as I thought, it more so focuses on her character.
I guess we get caught up in her actions more because most of us want some kind of action plan. Tangible steps that we can do in our day to day lives to live better. Its much easier to change when you give me a checklist of things to do. However, God doesn’t really work that way. He want’s us our hearts to be right. Once our hearts in the right place, our actions will follow.
How can I apply this today?
Reminder: This isn’t a checklist of things to do but more so a guide to let you know how to live.
We shouldn’t take this literally. Most of us don’t live in places where we can go inspect fields and plant vineyards. I am not sewing any clothes nor do I have a ton of servants I can give housework. I believe this is a stance on not being lazy and trying to make good use of your time. This is a good reminder not to use your free to time to binge Netflix and surf Instagram.
Most bible scholars would say that this is a compilation of many women not just one. This proverb was written by a king named Lemul. He was just writing what he saw his mom, and probably her friends doing. When I start looking at it that way, it changed my perspective. Its bogus to expect one woman to do ALL of the things in this Proverb.
Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:10-12
To me these are some of the most important lines in this proverb. I think any woman can get behind this. I certainly want to enrich my husbands life.
It also was not written to women, it was written to men to know what to look for when they go find a wife. People get mad all the time (and I agree with them) that you hear a lot in church about people preaching to women about how to be a good wife but not to men about how to be a good husband. I think knowing that this Proverb was really written to men makes sense. The bible tells us that a man that finds a wife finds a good thing.
What would I want my son to say about me? I want my son and my husband to be proud of me. I want to provide a good example so my son knows what kind of woman to look for. I want him to know what values are important. I want my son to know that beauty on the inside is more important than beauty on the outside. I want to greatly enrich the life of my husband.
The Proverbs 31 woman is very relevant, if we use her (them) as a guide I believe we can get something good out it. If we use it as a checklist, its only going to make us angry and frustrated.
One thing I’ve picked up during this odd year of 2020 is unlearning.
What have you had to unlearn? For me it’s been a lot. I used some of these thought processes for protection to make sure I wouldn’t get hurt. Im learning to be more vulnerable, to trust more, and I realize I don’t need to think this way anymore.
1. Everything is not what it seems. Sometimes our perceptions are wrong. We are making decisions based on limited knowledge, our bias, our feelings. All those things could potentially not be right. Keeping this in the back of my mind has helped me look at things from all angles before making a decision.
2. Everything is not black or white or even gray. I was very much a person who thought things were one way or not. No shade but, it is what it is. In the this world of COVID-19 I’ve learned things are not always one way or another. There could be a third option that I never even considered.
3. Everyone doesn’t have to move at the same pace. I used to think I was behind everybody in spiritual knowledge, in having kids, fancy careers. However I have to remind myself that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. God put me in this place. It’s not a race. I’m not competing with anyone, not even myself. There are no timelines or schedules because God’s timing is always perfect.
4. What works for you, may not work for me. This is another small thing but changing my thinking has been huge. The first thing that made me think of this is the natural hair movement. You can watch tons of tutorials and it still not turn out right. Follow someone’s regimen to the letter and still not get the changes you were expecting. What worked for them may not work for me. That can be applied to just about anything in life.
5. People aren’t judging me. People aren’t looking at me. Or even thinking about me. Folks are more concerned about themselves than they are with what I’m doing, wearing etc. Letting this go allows me to live more free.
6. Its never too late. For anything. Ever. The older you get the more people start to tell you your too old for this or that. Not true. It’s never too late. If your good, it’s going to come through in what you do. You want to make a career switch? Do it! You want to move out of state? Do it! Nothing is holding you back but you.
These lessons have been huge. They may seem like simple changes but they represent gigantic changes in mindset. As we get to the last quarter of the year think about how you might need to change your mindset. Its never too late.
Hey girl! How you doing? Life is treating you pretty good right now huh? You finally have the kid(s) you prayed so hard for. You have a new job and Jesse has one too. Did you see how God worked all that out for your good? How all the rushing and plotting and planning you were doing didn’t speed anything up? How even after you got what you wanted you still weren’t 100% ready? Do you see how everything God had you go through was preparing you for these moments you are experiencing now. There is no room for selfishness as a mother. Shouldn’t have been any as a wife but you let that slip by you. You have people who depend on your every mood now. You thought you had to be perfect at everything but do you see how that is holding you back? Nobody is keeping score but you. Does it matter what anyone thinks outside your house? No it doesn’t. I’m telling you these things now because you think you’re over some things but you aren’t. You are pushing forward like you don’t need help but you do. Ask. Fumbling along is not doing anyone any good. Enjoy each moment you are in now. Life will give you ups and downs.
Today is July 9, 2020. All these things did happen, even the not being 100% ready for the blessing. As I reread this letter to myself, I think the biggest thing I notice is that I am being a little hard on myself. I definitely remember this time in my life vividly. I was still trying to get pregnant and having no luck, but I could sense that God was making a move in my life, I just didn’t know what and I wanted to be prepared. I was starting to relax and have more genuine fun. I wasn’t so worried about when I was going to get pregnant or what the future held. I wanted to enjoy life and God in the present and worry about the future later.
I wrote this letter when I got back from visiting one of my best friends in Chicago.
3 months and 1 day later from my writing this I would find out I was pregnant. I never would have thought. I write all this to say, prepare for the blessing you are praying for, but allow yourself grace as well. God sees the work you are doing and He is pleased. Remember also what is for you, is for you. Nobody can mess that up, not even you. God doesn’t want you to be perfect, He wants effort.
I have always believed in the Lord sending me messages in dreams. Often there is lesson or something practical I can take away. I once had a dream that when I use mean tones in conversation with my husband, it hurts his manhood. I knew that in my head but seeing the visual of him crumbled over in my dream after I said something to him really gave me the visual I needed to change what I was doing. Since then I have been working on how I speak to him. A dream inspired this 31 posts in 31 days (1) God told me if I stop treating my writing/blog as a hobby and started treating it like a job I could really start to grow.
I had a terrible dream this weekend but it definitely helped me. My husband was out of town over the weekend and I went out with some friends. I had a good time with them, came back home, got in the bed went to sleep. I had a dream that seemed so real that I was afraid to get out of bed after. I dreamed that I woke up because a man slid in my bed and he wasn’t my husband. He clearly was there harm me. In my dream I immediately started praying please Lord let this be a dream. Then I woke up. I was shook! I needed to check and see if anybody was in my house and thank God it wasn’t but I couldn’t sleep for a long time after that. When I finally went downstairs and checked my house. I realized, I had left my front door unlocked. Not good! That was certainly a warning from God. You better believe I will be checking my doors twice before I go to bed at night from now on.
God uses dreams all the time to speak people in the bible. I used to worry if a dream was from God or just my own subconscious. I believe it can be from both. I recognize God in my dreams because I know his voice.
I saw some really interesting articles online about dream interpretation. I know people who go to dream books and try to see what their dreams meant. I have done it on occasion myself, but I don’t do that anymore. The article I read online says that, the symbols in a dreams are primarily ours. Nobody can interpret them for us except God. There are common dreams that everyone has like falling or being embarrassed in front of a crowd but typically God knows us and uses symbols we will understand. If I have a dream that I feel needs further explaining I will write it down and ask God to explain it me. Lord was there something in the dream I needed to know? Was it a warning? Was it prophecy? Writing them down has been great because I can see things come together later on.
I am not talking about spiritually or emotionally investing in yourself which is important but how much money do you spend on your well being? I never really paid that much attention before to that kind of thing. I don’t spend a lot of money on myself per se but what I do spend tends to be on experiences then something that gives tangible dividends.
I know I need to work on my writing if I ever want to write books that people will want to read and buy. How much do I invest in my writing? Business owners how much do you invest in your business? How do you determine if its worth it or if you have spent enough? People always say it takes money to make money. Another saying is you get what you pay for, so if I am putting out a product that I didn’t really invest any money, what is the quality of that product?
Writing is multilayered you are first and foremost selling yourself before you are selling a product. I have to be comfortable with the world knowing my business. I think I have more or less gotten over people knowing my business. I have moved on to level 2. How bad do I want it? What are my writing goals? What am I willing to sacrifice and invest?
It’s been almost a year since I published my first post. I need to start thinking about what’s next. If I put money into myself, into my writing and I don’t succeed, did I waste my money?
Spending money on my writing is taking the step to take it more seriously. A way to be held accountable and get some good constructive criticism.
Bloogers/Writers have you taken classes? Were they helpful? Do you have any recommendations?
Broken- having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order
(of a person) having given up all hope; despairing.
I used to think I was broken using both definitions. That I was living a lie, that I was going out in the world and acting like everything was ok when it wasn’t. I felt like something inside of me was broken and could not be fixed. I had a hole in my heart that was irreparable. I tried a lot of this but nothing could fill it, not partying, not work, not my friends, not my husband, everything I was trying to do wasn’t working.
So in my last resort I turned to God. I’m glad I did. I learned I’m not broken. God made me this way. He has plans for me that are good. I didn’t always believe that or understand but I stayed in the word. It made a huge difference on my outlook in life. There is beauty in my brokenness. I wouldn’t have grown in my relationship with God if I wasn’t broken. Everyday is practice in reminding myself that I have to meet no one expectations but my own.
If you feel broken just know you don’t have to stay that way. There is a way out. You won’t be able to do it on your own, not long lasting. Getting out of your head and closer to God is the only long term solution and potentially seeing a therapist.
Updated: since I wrote the above words Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain have both committed suicide. This has sparked debate about what role does prayer and God specifically play in mental health. I think that God is our first resource in working on our mental health. Getting into your bible, prayer, fasting, meditating, it’s all an important part of the healing process. We can’t do it on our own and believing you can may be a fatal mistake. You need tools to overcome things you have been through. Seek help if you need it.
Evildoers is harsher than what I’m thinking however, I’m not excluding anyone. People who cut corners, people who step on other people to get to the top, people who don’t geniuninely deserve the good things they are getting. I am talking about them. Its hard to watch people who just skate by in life get things when you work super hard and don’t get anything. It just doesn’t seem fair.
Looking on social media, you see people get famous for doing nothing, while you have been working your tail off and nobody know’s your name. Don’t feel discouraged. It won’t last though. When you rise fast, sometimes you crash fast as well.
Roots have to be established and when things happen too quickly you can’t set down any roots. Overcoming adversity is what helps you when trouble comes. Trouble will come and those people who are winning won’t be prepared.
God is allowing to them prosper for a little while but it won’t last. Continue to work hard. Hard work will last, not scheming and getting over,so don’t get discouraged.
We are a little over 100 days in to 2018. How have things been going so far? I have had my share of ups and downs and the year has just got started. I have definitely learned some lessons and if I wouldn’t have went through those things, I wouldn’t have gain these new experiences.
Its ok to be vulnerable with people. I don’t typically do this but I have gotten really good results when I do. I have gotten recommendations for recipes, doctors, books to read, all things that I needed. Once I wasn’t worried about what the person thought about what I was going through, it opened up a lot of doors for me. In being vulnerable, I realized that people are having the same problems I am having. I am not alone in my thoughts or views and this can come from the people I didn’t expect.
Its ok to not know everything. Faith is the evidence of things unseen. It is so hard for me to not know everything. I want to who, what, where and why, all the time. If I know what the problem is I can work on a solution. I am realizing I don’t need to do that. I have to take things one day at a time. If I focus on doing the best I can, things will fall into place.
Hard work doesn’t go unnoticed, even when it feels like it does. Integrity matters. Even when people are not patting you on the back and saying good job, the work you do matters. Getting up, going in and doing your best will make a difference. You can not work hard and nobody notice it.
Prayer still works. I know this in my head but it’s harder to put into action. When I decide to pray first, things always work out so much better. I don’t feel as anxious or stressed when I decide to pray first instead of worry or rant.
Knowing like minded people is important. Knowing people who think like you, just encourages you to keep going. Its nice to know that idea you had was not crazy and it makes sense. Like minded people can build you up and even push you to the next level.
It’s only April. You still have time to turn 2018 around. How is your year going so far? Do you need to make any changes??