I actually wrote the post March 29 on Jan 28. It was 60 days in the future. I was prophesying over my own life. Putting in the atmosphere to myself and God how I wanted to feel and here we are almost 6 months later and it’s working. There have been hard times in there but I’m handling them better. I’m becoming stronger, more resilient, more open. We are about to get into the summer season and that’s usually where I get off track but I’m still getting things done. I’m having fun, as you are reading this post I’m at the beach but now I can do both. I’m not letting anything distract me and I am seeing the fruit of my labor. Im proud of me and excited to see what the second half of the year brings.Until next time,
Dominique
Tag Archives: learning
Making people uncomfortable
HaileyPaigeMagee who is basically my IG therapist (LOL) is putting out great content about breaking people pleasing. One thing she said was
In order to break the people-pleasing pattern, we must learn how to sit with discomfort instead of reacting to it, including:
- The discomfort of others being unhappy with us
- The discomfort of letting others handle their own problems instead of rushing in to fix them
- The discomfort of having difficult, honest conversations about our needs and boundaries
The discomfort that comes when we realize that others’ happiness isn’t our responsibility, but our own happiness is.
This was revoluntary for me because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone but realizing that adults could be disappointed and that was ok ,was big for me. That they would still like me, that they wouldn’t stop talking to me was big. I still struggle with this one, but I have gotten much better.
I still struggle with the discomfort of having difficult conversations, I don’t want to make people feel bad.I also don’t want to give negative feedback but sometimes people don’t realize how they are coming across and since they asked we should tell them.
I had to realize what was mine to hold and what I had to let go of.
Its interesting that I was more worried about disappointing other people than I was in disappointing myself.
Hailey says to recognize if you are people pleasing, do your insides match your outsides? Do you feel happy or do you feel anxious and resentful? I would take it a step further and ask how did you feel when it was over, do you feel warm and fuzzy or are you now going over all the things you said in your head. That probably isn’t the place you should be.
Until next time,
Dominique
New mercies
”Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.“
Lamentations 3:22-23 NIVThere’s are a few different versions of this verse but I like this one because it says we are not consumed because his compassion’s never fail.
Consume in the Hebrew means devour. What is devouring you right now? Is it work? Is it home? Family? Friendships? Anxiety? Stress?
Because God is compassionate nothing can overtake us or devour us. One bad day doesn’t make a bad week. One bad conversation doesn’t make for a bad relationship. Because of his new mercies we can begin each new day with fresh perspective. I know it can be hard to get over a hurt and keep replaying it in your mind but you don’t have to.
Each day is a new opportunity to begin again.
God is not walking around holding on to that hurt, anger, sadness and we don’t have to either.I’m not saying if someone hurt you it’s instant relief but remembering that you can start the next interaction fresh may be helpful to you.
New mercies count for everything not just for days but bad conversations, hurt feelings, bad choices, regrets, etc
Before you decide to hold on to bad feelings, bad decisions, regret, guilt, grudges, etc remember that Gods
mercies are new every morning.
Are you holding on to something and you need to let go?
Prayer: Father help us not hold on to things we don’t need to. You say give you our burdens and you will give us rest. Thank you that we don’t have to hold on to anything but you. Thank you we are not devoured or consumed and that we have the ability to start fresh.
Embracing Weakness: A Path to Growth and Compassion
Luke 6:35 says love your enemies and do good to them. I talk a lot about getting rid of your enemies, but at some point, I think we have to have a mindset shift. God did. Getting rid of your enemies is all Old Testament talk; when He gets to the New Testament, it’s different. We can’t be always at war; eventually, we will need to rest. So I say be kind to your weaknesses. They made you who you are, too. Try to use your weaknesses to fuel you to do better, be stronger. God doesn’t waste anything.
Both things can be true: you can acknowledge your weaknesses and still strive for greatness. Embracing your weaknesses doesn’t mean you let them define you negatively; instead, it means recognizing them as part of your journey. God’s grace is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
He uses our struggles to shape us, to build resilience and character. Loving your enemies and doing good to them is not just about external relationships. It’s also about how you treat yourself. Often, our biggest enemies are the voices of doubt and fear within us. When we learn to love and forgive ourselves, we mirror God’s love and forgiveness. This self-compassion allows us to extend the same grace to others.
In this way, we transform the concept of enemies from something external and hostile to an internal challenge that propels us toward growth and compassion. By loving our enemies, whether they are external adversaries or internal struggles, we participate in God’s redemptive work. We find peace and rest not in the absence of conflict, but in the way we navigate and transform it.
So, next time you face a weakness or an enemy, remember that God can use it for good. Embrace the lesson it brings and let it refine you. Both strength and weakness, peace and conflict, we will experience all of these in our lives. Trust that God, in His infinite wisdom, can work all things together for your good.
As you reflect on your journey, I encourage you to embrace both your strengths and your weaknesses. Practice self-compassion and extend that same grace to others. Make a conscious effort to love your enemies, whether they are external or the inner voices of doubt. Start today by identifying one weakness and thinking of a way it can propel you towards growth.
Independence Day
It’s July 4th. That is Independence Day in America. Freedom from Great Britain in 1776. Most people didn’t get freedom that day but that isn’t what this post is about.
How free are you? Truly. What shackles are holding you back from being the person God meant you to be? Are you free to be the best version of yourself?
Freedom isn’t just about political independence or the absence of physical chains. It’s also about mental, emotional, and spiritual liberation. Think about the limitations you’ve internalized. Are there fears or doubts that keep you from pursuing your passions? Do you feel confined by others’ expectations, or trapped in a routine that doesn’t fulfill you?
True freedom means breaking those chains. It’s about having the courage to follow your heart, to live authentically, and to strive for personal growth. It’s about forgiving yourself for past mistakes and believing in your capacity for change and improvement. It’s about embracing your unique journey and the person you are becoming.
So, on this day of independence, reflect on your own journey to freedom. Identify what holds you back and take the first steps toward liberation. Surround yourself with people who support your growth, seek opportunities that align with your true self, and remember that freedom is a state of mind as much as a state of being.
As you celebrate today, think about how you can make every day a celebration of your own independence and growth. Break free from the shackles within and step boldly into the life you are meant to live.
Swarmed
“They swarmed around me like bees; they blazed against me like a crackling fire. But I destroyed them all with the authority of the Lord.”
Psalms 118:12 NLT
I had a dream earlier this year that I was getting swarmed by bees. Think Thomas J (Malachi Culkin) in My Girl (1991) (trigger warning if you click the link)When I woke up I asked God what did this dream mean and he pointed me to Psalm 118:12. I had never paid attention to it, even though I have read it before. I didn’t think that I was stressed because I was just keeping my head down and getting things down. But if I took a few minutes to think about it, I guess I did know I was stressed. I’ve been overwhelmed by my house for a while. Having two active little boys doesn’t help in keeping the place clean. I have been doing some research on minimalism and decluttering. In my research I discovered that clutter impacts your mental health. I find that very interesting.
We talked last week about clutter and how I’m moving to get rid of some physical things to improve my mental health. The more I think about it though, I probably need to let go of some internal things to improve my mental health as well.
As I reflect on this, I realize that clutter isn’t just about the physical space around us. Yes, having an organized and minimalistic home can significantly reduce stress and create a sense of calm. But there’s also another layer to consider: the internal clutter. Our minds can become overwhelmed with thoughts, worries, and unresolved emotions, much like our homes can be overwhelmed with physical items.
In my journey towards being minimalist adjacent, I’ve come to understand that letting go of physical clutter is just the beginning. It’s equally important to address the internal clutter that can weigh us down. This includes letting go of negative thoughts, past regrets, and emotional baggage that no longer serves us.
Having two active little boys, my days are often filled with chaos and noise. It can be challenging to find a moment of peace and quiet, let alone maintain a tidy home. But by focusing on decluttering both my physical space and my mind, I hope to create an environment where peace and order can flourish, despite the inevitable messes that come with raising young children.
I’ve found that taking small, intentional steps each day towards decluttering helps significantly. Whether it’s setting aside a few minutes to clear out a drawer, or taking a moment to pray and release any lingering stress, these small actions can make a big difference.
As I continue on this journey, I’m reminded that decluttering is not just about creating a cleaner home, but also about fostering a healthier mind and spirit. By letting go of both physical and internal clutter, I hope to create a space where I can thrive and find joy in the everyday moments and I hope you are able to do the same..
Minimalist adjacent
Have you ever heard the term “minimalist” and thought it meant getting rid of everything you own and living in an empty room? That was my initial impression too. But as I delved deeper into the concept, I discovered that minimalist living is about intentionally choosing to live with fewer possessions, focusing only on what truly adds value to our lives.
In today’s fast-paced world, clutter seems to be an ever-present issue. Our homes are filled with things we rarely use, and our minds are crowded with distractions. But what if clearing out physical clutter could lead to a clearer mind and a deeper connection with the world around us?
Author and speaker John Mark Comer, in his book “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry,” highlights the importance of creating clear space in our lives. He emphasizes the idea that clutter isn’t just physical—it can also clutter our minds, making it difficult to hear God or connect with our inner selves.
By simplifying our surroundings—whether it’s getting rid of clothes we never wear, toys our kids have outgrown, or clearing out shelves and closets—we can create space for what truly matters. This act of decluttering isn’t just about tidying up our homes; it’s about asking ourselves, “Does this possession add value to my life? “
Minimalism isn’t about deprivation; it’s about abundance—abundance of time, energy, and focus. By resisting the urge to constantly acquire more stuff, we free ourselves from the burden of excessive possessions and gain more time for the things that truly bring us joy and fulfillment.
Moreover, studies have shown a direct link between clutter and anxiety. By decluttering our physical spaces, we can alleviate stress and create a more peaceful environment for ourselves and our families.
Ask yourself, why am I buying these things? What feeling am I chasing?
I will never be a true minimalist. I enjoy shopping too much, but I can do better. I have been trying to not buy anything until I give some things away, that has been working somewhat.
In conclusion, embracing minimalism isn’t about giving up everything we own; it’s about being intentional with what we choose to surround ourselves with. It’s about creating space for what truly matters and finding clarity in a cluttered world. Minimalism is a life long journey, decluttering doesn’t happen overnight. So let’s take a step back, evaluate our possessions, and simplify our lives for a greater sense of peace, purpose, and connection.
To my educators in the final stretch
Hey there!
I know you are tired. I know you have been working hard. I know it feels like the kids are more aphathetic than ever. I get it. It’s hard to care about wanting them to succeed more than they do. It’s hard to go over the same information over and over again to fall on death ears.
When times get rough and burnout seems eminent, try to do this. Remember your why. I know that seems simple but take a few minutes and think of your successes.
Of that kid who you had to drag across the finish line but they come back now and see you and they are a functioning member of society. You helped do that. Think of that student that hated school but now has a college degree. You helped do that. Think of that student who got out in the real world and decided they might want to make some different decisions about college and career. You helped do that too.It may feel like what you are saying is falling on deaf ears but the seeds you plant now will harvest later. One of my old students came back five years after graduation so I could help them. You are a now a trusted resource for years to come. Take pride in that.
Less than 2 weeks and seniors across the country will be graduating. When is the last time you had a day off? Spring break? When is the last time you had some self care? Have you had a minute to breathe?
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take some time to yourself and reflect on all the good you have done. I know the bad things stick out but you wouldn’t do what you do if there was more bad than good. When a kid asks you the same question you already answered for the 30x take solace in the fact that he will probably be running some cooperation one day.
If you can, take the summer rest, relax and recharge. The work you do matters, the students you serve matter, you are doing a job that not everyone can or wants to do. Your hard work will pay off even if you can’t see it right now. Who know’s maybe someone will name a fictional school after you.
Until next time,
Dominique
Moving through grief
I wrote this post in August 2022
I started and stopped this post several times, but this time I finally finished. I’m sharing this so you may have some insight in why I have been so sporadic in my posting over the last few years.
Grief is such a hard emotion to process. It was especially hard for me to process because I had no experience. I have never lost anyone before who wasn’t old. Losing those people was hard but I found solace in the fact that they lived long lives and it was time for them to go home.
I have suffered two loses in 2021 and 2022, less than a 6 months apart and it has been difficult. My favorite uncle passed away right before my birthday unexpectedly. It was awful. I can’t even drive to my hometown without thinking about him. ( this has gotten better) He taught me how to drive. I think about him randomly all the time. I didn’t even manage to get through this post without crying and I hate crying. (Didn’t make it this time either lol)
My mother in law passed away when she was young. I was even younger and she was the first, “young” person I knew that had passed away. I wasn’t caught in my own grief though I had to help my husband in all the practical ways that come when someone dies. She died in November and I don’t think I felt the pain of her death until her birthday in February, which was months later. It will be ten years this year and sometimes it still feels like it just happened.
I tried to write this months ago but I couldn’t. It’s wild because in the time it took me to stop and start this another one of uncles passed away. He was sick but I know plenty of people who have cancer and get better right? He didn’t. We went from a family of 4, down to 2 in 5 months.
I didn’t think I had the right to be sad, not like my mother who lost 2 of her older brothers or my brother who lost the only father figure he knew. Or my grandma who lost 2 kids back to back. But we had our own special relationship too and that should honored. Its so hard losing someone in pandemic times. Everyone is losing or lost someone. I didn’t want to burden anyone because it’s been hard on everybody. I feel better now. Mostly. (Even better now)
I haven’t really been able to write and I was wondering why? It has been a very hard year. Some ups but it feels like a lot of downs. Through all of this I have been grateful because God has kept me.
I try to write posts that are informational or encouraging or motivating but today I dont have any of that. I will say if you are grieving you will eventually feel better. (I do feel better)
I’m back
Hello! This has been a long time coming. So much life has happened since I made my last post 10 months ago. It’s like I had a new birth of myself. One version of me had to die for this new version to be birthed.
I went back and looked at some of my old posts and they were dark. The interesting thing is that I don’t remember what was bothering me last September or what that was referencing. I was still on maternity leave but who knows.
Going from 1-2 kids was a huge transition. Shout out to all the moms cause whew this is hard work! I used to want three. Yea right! I don’t know how we would have managed that.
I’ve been working on some of the things we talked about, self care and positive self talk, perfectionism and over thinking.
I’ve discovered new things I’m interested in like minimalism. More on that later. I’ve been fine tuning my writing and listening to the LORD’s promptings. I read 100 books last year. Only 12 were non fiction so I’m trying to increase it that number this year.
I’m trying to be more vulnerable and I’m learning that it actually works when you do it.
I’m working on showing myself more compassion and realizing that I can’t solve everyone’s problems.
Im working on the mom wife balance. I don’t want to just be a good mom but a good wife too. We’ll get more into some marriage stuff later on as well.
Writing/blogging has always been on my heart and I’ve missed it but I had to get back to it in my own time in my own way.
I’m excited for what the second half of the year is going to bring and what I will share with you. Come check me out when you have some time.
Until next time,
Dominique
Always finding the silver lining 