Tag Archives: approval

Unlearning

Posted on by

One thing I’ve picked up during this odd year of 2020 is unlearning.

What have you had to unlearn? For me it’s been a lot. I used some of these thought processes for protection to make sure I wouldn’t get hurt. Im learning to be more vulnerable, to trust more, and I realize I don’t need to think this way anymore.

1. Everything is not what it seems. Sometimes our perceptions are wrong. We are making decisions based on limited knowledge, our bias, our feelings. All those things could potentially not be right. Keeping this in the back of my mind has helped me look at things from all angles before making a decision.

2. Everything is not black or white or even gray. I was very much a person who thought things were one way or not. No shade but, it is what it is. In the this world of COVID-19 I’ve learned things are not always one way or another. There could be a third option that I never even considered.

Voting Michelle Obama GIF by Joe Biden
giphy.com

3. Everyone doesn’t have to move at the same pace. I used to think I was behind everybody in spiritual knowledge, in having kids, fancy careers. However I have to remind myself that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. God put me in this place. It’s not a race. I’m not competing with anyone, not even myself. There are no timelines or schedules because God’s timing is always perfect.

4. What works for you, may not work for me. This is another small thing but changing my thinking has been huge. The first thing that made me think of this is the natural hair movement. You can watch tons of tutorials and it still not turn out right. Follow someone’s regimen to the letter and still not get the changes you were expecting. What worked for them may not work for me. That can be applied to just about anything in life.

5. People aren’t judging me. People aren’t looking at me. Or even thinking about me. Folks are more concerned about themselves than they are with what I’m doing, wearing etc. Letting this go allows me to live more free.

Giphy.com

6. Its never too late. For anything. Ever. The older you get the more people start to tell you your too old for this or that. Not true. It’s never too late. If your good, it’s going to come through in what you do. You want to make a career switch? Do it! You want to move out of state? Do it! Nothing is holding you back but you.

These lessons have been huge. They may seem like simple changes but they represent gigantic changes in mindset. As we get to the last quarter of the year think about how you might need to change your mindset. Its never too late.

10 things I’ve learned since becoming a mother

Posted on by

1. Empathy- no one helps. People literally watch you struggle. I never noticed this before. Being a mom has shown me how to express feelings outside of myself and better understand other people’s emotions.

2. Patience- with myself, family, friends, the baby, its crazy. Patience was a big lesson I needed to learn. If I would have become a mother earlier in my life I wouldn’t have gained this skill set. Listening to babies cry or throw their bottle at you, patience is what you need.

3. Dont compare- to my old self, to my husband, to other moms, nobody. I thought the biggest comparison would be to other moms but I was definitely wrong on that. More on this in another post.

4. Be humble. Motherhood is nothing like I expected. I didnt have a ton of expectations but what I thought I knew I definitely was wrong. You can’t find all the answers on Google. It’s easy to sit on the sidelines and judge what you would do when it isn’t your kid but having a kid of your own changes things.

5. I can do more on less sleep than I thought. So little sleep. Its insane. I used to love taking a nap but now I just do without. Nap when the baby naps is really a lie. Lol

6. It’s ok to say I dont know what I’m doing or admit I messed up. Once I started talking to people about my feelings I realised I wasn’t the only person going through that or thought that way. Moms are expected to have all the answers and that’s just not the case. Lots of things are intuitive but not everything and it was nice to admit that.

7. I have to be intentional about my self care. Writing, alone time, spending time with my friends, all of it has to be intentional or it won’t happen. I hate to admit but I’m better about spending time with my friends than with myself sometimes.

8. Water truly does a body good. I have heard this but I never tested it out myself until I was pregnant and after. The rumours are true. I had to drink it when I was pregnant and the results were great. I’m trying to get back to that space.

9. I will receive tons of unsolicited advice and opinions. I most often bite my tongue. Ive gotten much better about this than when he was first born. People are just trying to help. Their intentions are good. More on this in another post.

10. Everything has changed. I am ok with that. I have been trying so hard to be the person I was before but that girl is gone. A new better person is emerging.

I am stronger than I think I am.

My son just turned one. The hardest thing to put into practice is the self care. Its so easy to put yourself on the back burner when you have a kid.

I can expand on just about everything on this list. So much of this can be unpacked. I will in the upcoming months.

New kid on the block

Posted on by

I have been working in the same job for the last 4 years. I am a college counselor. I love my job and am I good at it. I recently made a move to a new school this year and it completely shook my confidence.

I have only been there a month but I have learned a lot of lessons in the last 30 days.

1. I don’t have anything to prove. I am good at my job and I don’t have to do it the same way the previous person did.
2. I can not be everything for everybody. I was literally running myself ragged trying to make every meeting, do every presentation, sometimes trying to be two places at once. It was unnecessary. I wasn’t giving anything 100% because I was trying to do too much.
3. I can make mistakes. I am not perfect and that is ok. Nobody is putting any pressure on me but me. I just need to relax and do what I’m good at.
4. Trust is a very interesting thing. I’m going to talk more about this in a later post. I don’t really know the team I am working with that well yet. I am used to being excluded from things and being left off emails so I have been just showing up places. I don’t need to, my counterpart hasn’t left me off anything. He hasn’t done anything for me not to trust him.

Being a new person is not easy for me, nor is change. When I first started it was hard. I was lonely and nervous and unsure of myself. 30 days later I feel more relaxed. I have made some friends and I am learning the lay of the land. This change is exactly what I didn’t know I needed. I am so glad that I didn’t block my blessing by being afraid.

Idol making

Posted on by

The bible describes idolatry as the worship of an image or a created object.

Hair became my idol because I skipped my devotional to do it. Didn’t iron, almost was late to work. All to make sure my hair looked good. It was bigger than hair though. I was listening to Joyce Meyer the other day and she asked, Do you care more about your earthly clothes or your spiritual clothes? Does it take you longer to put on your earthly clothes then your spiritual clothes? I really had stop and think about that. My hair isn’t my idol anymore. We have come to an agreement. I still sometimes take too much time on my appearance and overall look before I walk out the door, rushing to make sure I’m not going to be late. I am getting better but some days it is still a struggle. I never am rushing out the door because my quiet time went too long. Even when my quiet time goes too long, somehow, I am never late for work. Thanks God!

What is your idol? What are you putting in front of your relationship with God? Is it sleep? Is it tv? Is it work? A relationship? Anything you put in front of God is an idol. I never really thought about that before. It’s startling when you get this conviction at first. I know I was shocked but when you start paying attention, it makes a lot of sense.

Don’t let anything become an idol. In the end nothing is as important as your relationship with God. He just wants to spend time with us. I talked about that in this post, Is God your friend? Anything can become an idol, especially when you aren’t paying attention. Stay diligent, the devil always wants you to get your eyes off God and on to yourself. Spending time with God is something you are going to have to be intentional about, just like spending time with your friends or your spouse.

A routine isn’t necessary, he just wants a some of your time. Take some time this week and pray to God to remove anything that is getting in the way of spending time with him.

For more information:

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/christiancrier/2015/08/17/what-does-idolatry-mean-a-biblical-definition-of-idolatry/

https://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionary/idolatry/

100% Authentic

Posted on by

100% of the time. Are you doing that? I’m not saying you dont cuss out your coworker for asking you some dumb question. More along the lines of are you uncompromising in your beliefs all the time in action and in truth. That question hit me like a ton of bricks in Sunday School.

No. I am not. I’m close. I am myself at home, work, and church. I spend the majority of my time at the first two so that makes good sense. I’m trying to spend more time at church by going to Sunday school, serving etc. I haven’t been 100% honest in my dealings with my friends and it weighs on me. Outside people don’t know the person you used to be, so any changes you make, it makes no difference to them. With your friends its different to let your guard down because they have seen you at your worst, they were probably with you when you were doing it. lol. Seriously though, rejection is a hard thing to deal with. Your friends probably won’t reject you but will they start excluding you from things? Maybe. Will they care enough about you and less about the things you don’t want to do or hear anymore to not exclude you? Its a risk I haven’t always been willing to take.

I haven’t been completely authentic here. Not that the words I’ve said haven’t been true. It’s more that I’ve held myself back to not offend anyone or make people feel bad about their choices. This blog isn’t for that person though. I don’t want anyone to feel condemned but I do want you to feel convicted so you can make better choices. I had a reader send me a question about spiritual growth. Side bar: yay! People are reading and thinking about things. It was a great question but I havent posted the response because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I may not hurt their feelings  but the thought makes me sad that what I say could cause anyone even a moment of grief.

I think to much about what other people think and how they feel. In doing so, I slowly compromise on the things I believe. Every time I hold back my true feelings in fear of what someone is going to say or what they think I’m not being authentic. I don’t need to express every thought I’m thinking, especially if it is not helpful or building someone up. However, I know there were times when I kept silent when my opinion might make a difference. When I walked a statement back because it didn’t jibe with the majority.

Screenshot_20171209-072709.png

God called us to be set apart, not stand with the crowd. Standing alone is hard though. In some ways I envy these young kids, high schoolers and college kids. They are taught to be individuals, for better or worse they are themselves all the time. People don’t fault them for it either. When I was in high school all I wanted to do was fit in, I didn’t want to stand out from anyone. As I have gotten older, I have learned to be more of an individual but sometimes I waver. Its hard to stand alone but when I lie in bed at night and think about my day, I want God to say well done. Eventually if you are standing alone, God will send the right people to stand with you, if you continue not compromise, if you don’t grow weary of doing good.