Keep that same energy

I just got back from vacation and it was amazing. My husband knows how to show me a good time. It was exactly what we needed after having a rough winter. I love to travel, going places doing things, just being out of my house and doing something new. Research shows that it’s easier to get through your days if you are planning a vacation or have something to look forward to. Why is that? Shouldn’t we have joy in our day to day?

Keep that same energy is Teyana Taylor new album title. I haven’t listened to it but the title really got me thinking. How do you do that? Once you get back from vacation why is there such a plateau, such a crash? It literally has a name…post vacation blues. When you are on vacation there is such a high and when you get back home its like, uh, let me get back to the grind. I want to break that cycle.

When I got home I didn’t get all sad, like man my vacation is over. Instead I’m making the best of my time here. I’m taking that just go with the flow vacation vibe and carrying that into my work week. I dont want to be down and just waiting to leave again. I want to enjoy my time in my home and in my city, just like I do on vacation.

I want to keep that same energy. I want to be carefree and let the stress roll of my back.

How am I am going to do that?

1. Be here now- when I am vacation I’m not on my phone. I am just enjoying each moment. I will continue that philosophy when I am home, limiting my time on social media and group chats. This way I am in control of what I take in.

2. Quiet time- when I am on vacation I dont have to rush through my devotional. I really get good one on one time with God. It is harder to not rush my devotional at home but it can be done, I just have to be more intentional with my time.

3. Be active- if you can believe it, even though I did a lot of laying around on vacation I actually exercised every day too. Definitely not something I do at home nor will I necessarily be able to duplicate but I can get close. Being active puts me in a better mood than laying around. Instead of getting off work and trying to catch up on shows or social media and I am going to try to do some physical activity.

4. Try new things- best thing about vacation is trying stuff you wouldn’t normally do at home. That can be anything, new food, drinks or experiences. Why can’t we do that at home? I am lucky that I live in a city that I can find all kinds of new things. So once a month I am going to try and find something or someplace I have never been before.

I know none of these things are super hard but it is the small things that make vacation great. If I bring all the small things I like about vacation into my every day life then I can bring a little bit of vacation back with me.

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Greater expectations

I was at leadership meeting at church and the guy leading the class asked us what God is working on in us. One person said self forgiveness. He said he felt like he was putting expectations on himself that God had not put on him. I have been thinking about that statement all week.

This week was rough. I just have a lot of things going on right now and I felt like I was doing a disservice to God but I couldn’t put my finger on why. It lead me to do a lot of research on condemnation vs conviction, which I will post about next week. I still didn’t feel like I had the answer though. I have been pretty diligent. Usually when I feel this way, I fall into a Netflix of Hulu binge but this time I didn’t. I’m still reading everyday, through the bible in a year plan on YouVerse bible app and having my quiet time. So I asked God, what do you want me to do? What do you expect of me? Just a few days ago.

He gave me the answer today. In Deuteronomy, God says all he wants you do is fear him and do what pleases him. That’s it. Sounds pretty simple. In a way yes, but in a way no. I have been doing a lot of research on what pleases God for quite sometime. There are a lot of things in the bible about what doesn’t please God but I feel like there is less emphasis on what does please him.

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I think that is because God doesn’t want us to work ourselves to death in trying to please him. Loving him with all your heart, soul and strength is not an easy task. This is why he gives us grace. Grace to mess up, grace to mistakes. He sees our hearts and our intentions.

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He just wants us to do the best we can. I lose sight of this because I have placed expectations on myself that God never did. I never noticed I did that before. I have been trying to grow so fast. I want to be as close to perfect as possible, which really isn’t humble. I want God to know I’m paying attention, that I’m not just being a reader of the word but a doer of the word. James 1:22-24.

Are you being too hard on yourself? Try not to be. Don’t run from God when you feel this way, run towards him. He will always give you answers and typically sooner than you think.

Waiting, Part 1

I have been wanting a baby a long time. A strong 5 years I would say. I still don’t have one but I’m not giving up hope that it will happen. I haven’t always had the mindset of not wasting my wait. Some years I was on it. No drinking, hard partying trying to get my body and mind ready for baby. Other years I was more let’s just see what happens. People get pregnant everyday with much worse life styles then the one I’m leading. I’ve been to specialists and all kind of things to no result. The only conclusion they could come to is that there is nothing wrong me. Fantastic! Before you think it, my husband sperm count is off the charts. The doctor went on about it so much that I started to develop a complex.

The worst thing about waiting is when you want something and there is no explainable reason why you don’t have it. I’m not old. There is no history of infertility in mother or grandmother. Unexplained infertility effects 20-30% of women every year. I’m glad to see celebrities like Gabrielle Union, Crissy Teigen and Tia Mowery-Hardict speak out about their challenges. It certainly helps ease the stigma.

What are they doing in the mean time? How are they handling the wait? I could be wrong but I dont see as much discussion about that. I’m sure you are going to set goals for this year. Unfortunately they may not all happen and it won’t matter how much hard work you put in or how hard you pray. I’m not saying that to be mean or a hater. It’s just a fact of life. What are you going to do in the mean time?

I did IVF (in-vitro fertilization) in Feb (had to stop) and then again in March of last year. As you can see it didn’t work. I was devastated, especially since there isn’t anything medically wrong with me. The doctor was sure it would work. He told us we were betting with house money. Nope! Got to the final stage of the process when he was like, oh I wasn’t expecting this. My bad for getting your hopes up. Welp. That was the end of that. I had to make a choice. Clearly this baby thing wasn’t happening right now.

I asked God want did he want me to do. What lesson was he trying to convey? What hadn’t I done that I needed to do? There were definitely some things I needed to tweak. My mindset, my attitude, my spiritual walk. God had been telling me to do some things for a while that I had been dancing around. This blog being one of them. I went to see a holistic nurse in May and she told me the same thing the fertility specialist told me nothing was physically wrong with me but I had a root issue.