Silencing the inner critic

Do you have an inner critic that harasses you? I certainly do. It can be ridiculous sometimes. I am about to start reading a book, Get out of your head by Jennie Allen to help me deal with this a little better. In the mean time though, I started to research what I needed to do to essentially work on my self-talk. 

I know that if I am more critical of myself I am more critical of other people. I don’t want to be that way. Based on my research this is what I have discovered.

I saw this definition of inner critic vs inner guidance. Wow.

 

Chloe Bailey Wow GIF by grown-ish

giphy.com

 

innercriticvs.innerguidance 

I felt both seen and attacked at the same time. This description is excellent. I didn’t even realize that I do some of these things but now that I have the framework I can begin to change my thought process.

The first thing on here is thinks in black or white. I definitely do that. I am not big on seeing shades of gray. Either it is or it isn’t. People have been pointing this out to me recently so I am working on trying to see additional options.

I wrote a post about combating the devil with Gods word.   This a great idea, I just need to be more consistent. I also need to memorize the word. Study it so if you can’t memorize you know what it means. Speak it to yourself. That way as soon as something bad pops in my head, I can tell my inner critic to hush!

Stop Talking Fix My Life GIF by OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network

giphy.com

I will also stop rehearsing events. Sometimes after going someplace I would replay things that I said and how I responded to things. Should I have said it differently? Should I have responded differently? This doesn’t help me however because the event has already happened. It does me no good to replay every word I said.

When do you hear your inner critic the loudest?

What books or passages do you read in the bible for comfort?

My inner critic comes out sometimes when I read the bible. That’s not good because I take what should be conviction and turn it in to condemnation. Condemnation doesn’t come from God.  I just read that we shouldn’t just look to the bible for just conviction but also for comfort. Which I know in theory makes sense but in practice is something very different. I have been reading Psalms every night before I got to bed. It has been helping.

The picture below is exactly what is going on in my head. I wouldn’t say that I was being mean and critical to myself. I would say that I just trying to improve upon whatever I am doing. Clearly that is FALSE!

screenshot_20200806-131135_instagram7047544617121020149.jpg

@justgirlproject I love their page!

 

I don’t mind taking risks but the “putting myself out there” is the hard part. I am learning however that when I am weak, I am strong. I will talk more about this concept in some upcoming posts. 


Resources

https://www.projectinspired.com/how-to-silence-your-inner-critic/ https://thinkdivinely.com/setting-your-mind-on-christ-are-you-ready-to-silence-that-inner-critic/

Now that quarantine is over

I am in an interesting space as we come out of strict quarantine and summer is upon us. Summer definitely looks different with COVID-19 and protesting happening all across the country. I saw tons of memes on my social media about if you didn’t come out quarantine having accomplished something then you were just lazy. I just don’t believe that to be true. Thankfully someone agreed because they changed it. This one makes a lot more sense.

lacked discpline reddit

reddit.com

 

If I am being honest. I have not completed a ton of projects in the 2 months that we were forced to stay. Posting again was one of the things I wanted to accomplish, so Yay me! for getting that done.

I just felt really stuck with not working in the traditional sense, and my baby and husband being here and the days rolling together.

wp-15922520988628367845954505308203.jpg

I had been feeling really off spiritually for a while, and that’s another thing that quarantine helped me get on track. I have attended more Sunday school and bible study than I ever would have if we were not in quarantine.

I felt bad though. I was spending too much time on Hulu, social media and reading books. I was having a mini vacation from the world and seeing other people have something tangible to show for their quarantine efforts really bothered me.

In my noon day bible study that I go to, she told us to go back and read your old journals to see where God has brought you from. It wasn’t really a pleasant experience, like I see God answering prayers but I also see a lot of heartache. I also decided to go back and read some of my old blog posts. There are over a 100 so it was more a skim, but I came across this one. Its one of the first posts I did and it talks about the name I picked for the blog. That was three years ago and I am still having this same problem. I talk about being stuck in research mode instead of just taking the leap and doing the thing you said you were going to do.

I sat down about 6 weeks ago and laid out my plan of my hearts desires. I asked God to be with me in those plans because there a lot of things my heart desires. After I wrote them down and prayed some more I put dates that I wanted to accomplish them. I continued to pray about those things in my quiet time until my Pastor preached a sermon on fear. Click the link. It’s really good you should watch it. It had a lot of great points but the one that stuck with me is we need to quit praying and move! I felt like God had slapped me, like, Hey, I’m talking to you! All this research and worrying, you are not going to get anything done. Just do it!

Then I had a conversation with my friends one Sunday after a nature walk (more on that in a later post) about pursing your passions and how much people pay for content, how to get things done and my mind was blown. I left so inspired! So ready to hit the ground running.

My next few posts will be about pursuing your passions and how to ensure you accomplish the goals you set. Stay tuned!

p.s-COVID-19 is still a thing, wear a mask.

 

wp-15929397147556068640538194585694.jpg

This may have been in March but its still relevant. 

I extended my summer vacation

You ever notice when you over stay your welcome someplace? At first everything seems ok but then things start feeling a little funny. I noticed something was off but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I realized what was wrong. I had backslide. The backslide is so subtle you don’t even notice you’re doing it. I extended my summer vacation. I was supposed to get back on my grind after my birthday which was in the middle of September. Going back to work full time and being at school all day, getting a puppy and trying to add extracurricular activities has been a lot.
So its easier to come home and not do to much. Its easier to make excuses for hanging out because the weeks have been so busy. Nope not good. I have been slacking on my bible reading and writing. I still read but it’s just the verse of the day. I know God expects more from me than that.

I haven’t been to church that much recently because we have been out of town. Then it was easy to miss the couple of weeks we have been back because we haven’t already been going.

The saddest thing about this extended summer vacation is that I haven’t been writing. Its real easy to not do things. I would have never though that an entire two months would go by and I hadn’t blogged anything but my creative juices weren’t flowing. Well…that isn’t really true, its more I had plugged up the hole and stopped the flow. I was more interested in what I wanted to do than what God wanted me to do.

1543950960398_image5979332852021036107.jpg

This is exactly what I did. I slipped back into my old ways…not good. I am happy that God treats us better than we treat him.

Life has come at me very fast but it has all been very exciting. I will tell you about it in the coming weeks.

I’m back! Ideas have been coming in hot and heavy and I am excited to get back to doing what I love to do, which is to write. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

getting-those-creative-juices-flowing-thumb

Summer is coming to a end

The summer flew by as it always does and now its September 1. I can’t believe it. This summer was definitely one of growth. I feel like I did less partying but I didn’t feel bored. The days seemed full. My birthday is in 12 days. It will be my Jesus year so I am excited about that. I’m fasting to prepare for my birthday as well. Get my mind, body and soul into gear. I have more thoughts on the Jesus year that I will get into as I get closer to my birthday.

My boss asked us to three questions that I think would be good for anyone to use as reflection for the end of a season.

What was the highlight of your summer?

Highlight of my summer was traveling, seeing Beyonce’ (twice!) and getting a new puppy.

 

20180901_1632004882290097292597965.jpg

(Riveria Maya, Mexico June 2018)

20180706_2012294104199989557808733.jpg

(Chicago, July 2018)

20180725_2033231818718920158027760.jpg

(OTR II Cleveland, Ohio July 2018)

20180816_2011526321052626288248995.jpg

(OTR II Columbus, Ohio August 2018)

(OTR II Columbus, Ohio August 2018)

20180712_151913-11943652045039059862.jpg

(Hunter James, July 2018)

His name is Hunter James and he is certainly a handful. He has definitely been a challenge but my husband and I have embraced him.

What are you looking forward to in the new year?

I’m looking forward to being a better version of myself. My best friend always calls it 2.0. I like that. I definitely want to do that as well. You guys would be so proud of me! I have really stepped out of my comfort zone in the last few months and the results have been amazing.

I want to continue to grow this blog, work on writing better and jazz up my website. My cousin who is working on being a brand ambassador said there is no “me” on my website. Which is true. At first I didn’t want it to be about me per se. I was worried about people wanting to know my business and using it to gossip. I didn’t want my message to get lost in talking about “me” all the time. I can see how the that would be impersonal though, so I added some pics 🙂

What are you happy to leave behind?

I’m happy to leave behind self doubt, self pity, self sabotage.

I doubt myself a lot. I may not say it out loud but I do a lot of second guessing and it can be exhausting. I want to be able to go with my gut, use discernment and be satisfied with a decision. I don’t want to replay conversations over and over again to see if I said something stupid, awkward or random. I want to pick out an outfit and just get dressed. Self pity is harder because it sneaks up on you. I can be moving along nicely and my mind will take me back some place that I don’t want to go or bring up a memory that from the past. Or have me worrying about things that have not happened yet. I don’t want to do that.  I don’t want to anyone else to feel sorry for me, so I’m certainly not going to feel sorry for myself.  Self sabotage is sneaky too. I sometimes don’t realize I am doing it until I am in the middle and realized that a better decision could have been made. Like I give up because I don’t see the results in the time frame I want.  Things don’t work that way, so I am just trying to remain focused and be patient. Rome wasn’t built in a day and Dominique 2.0 won’t be built in a day either.

HELLO SEPTEMBER

Who is helping you grow? (27)

The godly people in the land are my true heroes! I take pleasure in them!

Psalms 16:3 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/psa.16.3.NLT

I came across this the other day and it was a great reminder. Who are the godly people you look up to? I’m not talking about just surrounding yourself with godly friends but actually having people around that help you grow. Do you have a Christian mentor? Do you go to Sunday school or attend a bible study? Who is helping you in your spiritual growth? Do you read books or listen to podcasts that help in your growth?

No person is an island and we all need help. The small group I am in, has changed my life for the better. These women have challenged me, inspired, informed me. They have made me a strong prayer warrior and Christian women. They have encouraged me when I didn’t think I could go forward.

If you are the smartest person you know, then you need a new circle. If you are the only person praying over your life, then you may want to get some new friends.

The best part of waking up (5)

When you wake up in the morning what’s the first thing that comes to mind? I used to think about about my to do lists, what I needed to get done at work or at home. I read a devotional that said the first thing you should be thinking about is thanking God. Not thinking about how the day is going to go or what you have to do but just thanking God for waking you up today.

Image result for first thing in the morning thank God

I am not talking about doing a devotional this is even before you get out of bed. I thought I was doing ok because I got up everything morning and did my devotional but sometimes it would take my brain time to slow down from whatever I was laying in the bed plotting about before I started doing my devotional. This way I am in position to receive the word from God. I am not rushing through my devotional as much and it helps me connect more to the material. This literally takes no time but it changes the entire perspective of my day.

Next time you get out of bed, just thank the Lord for waking you up and for new mercies,then go do your devotional or carry on with your morning routine. See if that makes any differences for you. Let me know how it goes.

Dominique

Bored with your prayer life? (2)

If you pray a couple times a day then you may feel like you are using the same prayers over and over. I know I do and I feel bad. I don’t want God to get annoyed because my prayers are routine and flat. I read online a few years ago that one way to add some variety to your prayer time was to use worship songs. It is much easier for me to remember the words to worship songs sometimes than it is to remember scripture. Lots of worship songs have scripture in them anyway. I went back and started copying the lyrics of my favorite worship songs and it has vastly improved my prayer life. I am not as bored doing it and I feel better giving God a little more as well. Sometimes when I am stressed and can’t recall a scripture I think back to those songs and those lyrics help calm me down.

I listen to a lot of worship music so there isn’t any one song or artist that I go too but I do try to find songs that describe how God is and talking about his character. I want God to know I recognize how awesome he is, even though I can’t always find the words to convey that.

These are just some examples if you click on the link the lyrics are scrolling across the screen.

 How Great is our God -Jonathan Nelson
Because of who you are-Vicki Yohe
Nobody Greater-Vashawn Mitchell
Holy is our God- James Fortune

Total Praise-Richard Smallwood

Oh Lord, How Excellent-New Jersey Mass Choir

 

 

Keep that same energy

I just got back from vacation and it was amazing. My husband knows how to show me a good time. It was exactly what we needed after having a rough winter. I love to travel, going places doing things, just being out of my house and doing something new. Research shows that it’s easier to get through your days if you are planning a vacation or have something to look forward to. Why is that? Shouldn’t we have joy in our day to day?

Keep that same energy is Teyana Taylor new album title. I haven’t listened to it but the title really got me thinking. How do you do that? Once you get back from vacation why is there such a plateau, such a crash? It literally has a name…post vacation blues. When you are on vacation there is such a high and when you get back home its like, uh, let me get back to the grind. I want to break that cycle.

When I got home I didn’t get all sad, like man my vacation is over. Instead I’m making the best of my time here. I’m taking that just go with the flow vacation vibe and carrying that into my work week. I dont want to be down and just waiting to leave again. I want to enjoy my time in my home and in my city, just like I do on vacation.

I want to keep that same energy. I want to be carefree and let the stress roll of my back.

How am I am going to do that?

1. Be here now- when I am vacation I’m not on my phone. I am just enjoying each moment. I will continue that philosophy when I am home, limiting my time on social media and group chats. This way I am in control of what I take in.

2. Quiet time- when I am on vacation I dont have to rush through my devotional. I really get good one on one time with God. It is harder to not rush my devotional at home but it can be done, I just have to be more intentional with my time.

3. Be active- if you can believe it, even though I did a lot of laying around on vacation I actually exercised every day too. Definitely not something I do at home nor will I necessarily be able to duplicate but I can get close. Being active puts me in a better mood than laying around. Instead of getting off work and trying to catch up on shows or social media and I am going to try to do some physical activity.

4. Try new things- best thing about vacation is trying stuff you wouldn’t normally do at home. That can be anything, new food, drinks or experiences. Why can’t we do that at home? I am lucky that I live in a city that I can find all kinds of new things. So once a month I am going to try and find something or someplace I have never been before.

I know none of these things are super hard but it is the small things that make vacation great. If I bring all the small things I like about vacation into my every day life then I can bring a little bit of vacation back with me.

May wrap up

I saw this post on Instagram and it hit me like a ton of bricks. May was an interesting month, my motivation was all over the place, home life was crazy in a good way. I did a lot of volunteering at the church with the food pantry which I really enjoy. All that leads to me slacking on my writing.

The good news is that I, I saw it coming and have been writing like crazy so I will back on my regular posting schedule in June. I am going to be out of the country for a week in June and traveling for work for a week so I am going to try and schedule some posts out.

My biggest problem is that I write when I feel like it. If I want to take this as far as it can go I can’t be mediocre about reaching my goals. In my work life I go hard All the time so sometimes it’s hard to come home and work a hobby as hard. I really enjoy it though so I just have to put in more time. I wanted my writing to be natural and organic. Some structure is not going to kill me nor is being more disciplined.

I know I seem wishy washy but I’m not. I’m just feeling things out. All this is very new to me, a year ago when I bought this domain I never thought I would be here. I am just trying to figure this out. I look forward to June and all the cool things I’m writing and the adventures I am going to have. Anybody have anything fun plans happening this summer? I am also going to see Beyonce and Jay Z this summer which will be amazing!!!

Letter to my followers

Hi,

I have been gone for a bit. Not terribly long but longer that I intended. I have not posted in 10 days which is unlike me. I typically like to post at least two times a week, sometimes three. Every month, at the end of the month I set goals for how many new followers I want, how many posts, how many viewers, etc and every month I have exceeded those goals. I had a goal to have 16 posts for this month, and I could probably throw together 4 posts and have them up by Monday but I am not going to do that. Well, I actually I probably will have at least 4 posts before the end of the month but they will be organic, not because I am trying to reach some goal.

I can not believe I hadn’t posted in 10 days. I apologize for that. I appreciate so much you all taking the time out to read what I have to say, to comment, to come by this page consistently. I wasn’t in the mood to write though. I wasn’t really hearing from God like I normally do and I didn’t want to force anything. I didn’t want to post for the sake of posting, I owe you and God my best.

thank-you-for-your-support-quote-1-picture-quote-1

Some of that was my fault for sure.  I went on a girls trip to Orlando last weekend and had a blast but I don’t if I really took God with me. I didn’t do anything crazy but as the days leading up to the trip were coming I was definitely listening to more Cardi B and less James Fortune.  I was taking in more junk food and less soul food. I was just kind of coasting. I really needed to get away and I kind of tuned everything out. I went to a women’s retreat at my church this weekend that really has me fired up. The words are just pouring out of me. I needed a tune up and I got it.

This blog is the springboard for the many other things that I want to do. I need to take it seriously all the time, even when I don’t feel like it. I did not feel right when I wasn’t blogging but I just didn’t want to. I couldn’t get motivated. I know better to trust my feeling because feelings lie, but I couldn’t shake it. I know I am not going to meet all my goals this month and that is ok. I know I didn’t try my best. Thankfully, I have next month. I have so many things to tell you all, there is going to be some changes around here. I am so excited!  I hope you all have been growing over this past six months. I certainly have.

I’m glad to be back, I missed you guys.

Love,

Dominique