*It has taken me 4 days to write this post and 4 hours today. God has something big in store for me because this should not have been this hard. If you are trying to do something and things keep getting in your way. do it anyway. I am going to keep pushing and keep getting better, no matter what!
One thing I’ve picked up during this odd year of 2020 is unlearning.
What have you had to unlearn? For me it’s been a lot. I used some of these thought processes for protection to make sure I wouldn’t get hurt. Im learning to be more vulnerable, to trust more, and I realize I don’t need to think this way anymore.
1. Everything is not what it seems. Sometimes our perceptions are wrong. We are making decisions based on limited knowledge, our bias, our feelings. All those things could potentially not be right. Keeping this in the back of my mind has helped me look at things from all angles before making a decision.
2. Everything is not black or white or even gray. I was very much a person who thought things were one way or not. No shade but, it is what it is. In the this world of COVID-19 I’ve learned things are not always one way or another. There could be a third option that I never even considered.
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3. Everyone doesn’t have to move at the same pace. I used to think I was behind everybody in spiritual knowledge, in having kids, fancy careers. However I have to remind myself that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. God put me in this place. It’s not a race. I’m not competing with anyone, not even myself. There are no timelines or schedules because God’s timing is always perfect.
4. What works for you, may not work for me. This is another small thing but changing my thinking has been huge. The first thing that made me think of this is the natural hair movement. You can watch tons of tutorials and it still not turn out right. Follow someone’s regimen to the letter and still not get the changes you were expecting. What worked for them may not work for me. That can be applied to just about anything in life.
5. People aren’t judging me. People aren’t looking at me. Or even thinking about me. Folks are more concerned about themselves than they are with what I’m doing, wearing etc. Letting this go allows me to live more free.
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6. Its never too late. For anything. Ever. The older you get the more people start to tell you your too old for this or that. Not true. It’s never too late. If your good, it’s going to come through in what you do. You want to make a career switch? Do it! You want to move out of state? Do it! Nothing is holding you back but you.
These lessons have been huge. They may seem like simple changes but they represent gigantic changes in mindset. As we get to the last quarter of the year think about how you might need to change your mindset. Its never too late.
I use a lot of DJ Khaled gifs in my writing. I don’t know why it just seems appropriate lol
I don’t want people to be mistaken and think that I’m bragging on myself. I’m not. I wouldn’t have anything, I wouldn’t feel this good if it wasn’t for God.
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If you have read this blog long enough then you know it wasn’t always like this. I had many years when I suffered for the most part in silence. I’m not saying my life is all sunshine and rainbows because it’s not. The difference is my perspective changed. My perspective changed because I decided to try God’s way instead of my way or the world’s way. My way wasn’t doing anything for me. I felt even worse because now I added guilt om top of all the other things I felt.
People ask what’s the secret. How can they feel like this too? I go to church, I read and study my Bible on my own, I go to Bible study in a group, I cut back on my secular tv shows and music. I do all those things because I need God all the time in all the ways I could get him.
That’s not sexy or interesting though. Its not fun or fast. It can be tedious at times.
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I didn’t always do that. I thought once I had my baby I would be cool, my suffering is over, God answered my prayers. That happy feeling didn’t last long.
Once I went back to work my happy bubble burst and I had to figure out how to get it back. That’s why I worry so much about maintaining the momentum. I’ve been on the other side of this feeling and I don’t want to go back.
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I continue to work on finding a balance on being in the world and my relationship with God. Spending more time with him definitely helps with that. Age has helped with that, the pandemic has helped with that too. I am not telling you it will be easy, or fast, but it will be worth it.
I was with my girls last weekend and of course we start talking about our men. Why don’t they listen, why are they so slow, why don’t they do things the way we do? These are great questions. If you think I have the answers here, think again!
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I’m no marriage expert but I have been married almost 10 years. Its wild. When we first got married I couldn’t imagine what 10 years married even looked like. My pastor talks all the time about what makes a good partner and it may surprise you. It certainly surprised me.
He says you shouldn’t tell the other person what to do, you should pray for them.
That doesn’t seem super helpful. Prayer feels passive. I want action.
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I want to ask him to take out the trash and he just gets up and does it, no questions asked, no comments, immediately, not at the commercial, not after this play, NOW. That’s not a partner though that’s a child. I didn’t get married to have another child.
My husband has expressed to me on more than one occasion that he doesn’t always like the way I talk to him. He also told me he doesn’t say anything about it, he has just gotten used to it. I didn’t like that at all. I need to work on my tone, not him get used to it. I came across this verse in Proverbs that spoke exactly to what he was saying to me.
When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. Proverbs 31:26 NLT
Gives instructions with kindness. Do I do that? Not every time. Do you do that? I was listening to my girlfriends talk to their partners over the weekend and I didn’t hear a lot of kindness. According to Dictionary.com kindness means being generous, compassionate and friendly. I don’t yell or nag at my husband but can I be short, snappy, or rude? Yes I can.
I don’t much feel like giving instructions with kindness when I’ve had to give them more than once. I don’t feel like giving instructions with kindness when I feel like you shouldn’t need instructions in the first place. The bible doesn’t say that though. We are to give instructions with kindness every time.
If you read Proverbs you will notice there are wayyyy more things about wives than husband’s. I’m going to get more into that next week. I used to have some pretty negative thoughts about the Proverbs 31 woman. Not so much anymore, but we’ll talk about it.
The key thing about being a good partner is remembering you can’t change anyone but yourself. That’s why my pastor tells us to pray instead of nag. You will change how you react to whatever your partner is doing, which is the bigger issue anyway. Right? Right.
Prayer
Lord help me give instructions with kindness. Help me have grace and patience instead of anger and resentment when my husband doesn’t do what I ask him to do in way or speed that I would do it. Help me be thankful that I have a partner that is willing to help me and be an active parent. Remind me of the love that I have for him and how awesome he is. In Jesus name, I pray amen.
Here is a sermon my pastor preached on about the secrets of lasting love.
If so are you going to tithe any of it? Will you give any of it to charity? This makes me think of a conversation that I had with a friend of mine. She is getting close to making six figures so she asked me:
Do we really have to tithe 10% or is that just something made up at church?
This is a great question! I knew a little bit about this subject,but not a ton mainly from my pastor so I immediately started doing some research. The scripture that always comes to mind is this one from Malachi.
Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. Malachi 3:10
My pastor always uses this one but it makes sense, its the only scripture I know that God says to test me on this. Pouring out blessings?! Yes please!
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Why do we tithe?
Tithing is showing God we trust him with our money and finances. There are lots of scriptures to back this up. People always start making distinctions between Old Testament and New Testament when we start talking about tithing. From my research it doesn’t look like the New Testament gets into amounts as much as the Old Testament. It still talks about giving though.
Giving encourages a grateful and generous spirit and can help steer us away from being greedy or loving money too much.”-Dave Ramsey
Do we really have to give 10% or is that made up?
Did you know that tithe literally means 10th in Hebrew. I never knew that.
Does God care how much we tithe?
In reading the New Testament, it doesn’t seem like God cares how much you give. I think he cares more about your attitude while you are giving. God doesn’t technically need your money. Its already his anyway, he just wants to see you give back to him what was his in the first place. Don’t hold onto your money like Dave Chappelle in this gif.
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You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.” And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. 2 Corinthians 9:7-8 NLT
Does it have to be 10% to the church or can I give to charity?
The internet seems to be split on this. Some sources said it should be the church because the “storehouse” that is referenced in Malachi is the church, while others say giving is giving, it doesn’t matter where you give it. Dave Ramsey says if you aren’t giving to the church its not tithing, but I can’t find enough research to support either one of those views.
Final thoughts:
I would say give to the church first that way you can see where your money is going.
Give what you can and feel comfortable with. God is always happy about small beginnings. The longer you give the more you are going to eventually want to do anyway
Rainbows are a sign of Gods promises. He put up the first one after he flooded the Earth and saved Noah and his family.
on my drive to work
My birthday was Sunday and it also reminds me of Gods promises. I got pregnant around my birthday two years. On this day as I’m writing this (9/10) I was told I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant on my own. So every year since then it all comes back and reminds me that God is a promise keeper. He does what he says he will do. He doesn’t lie or change his mind. I know that in theory but its nice to have a reminder.
My birthday has always been a big deal to me even from when I was a little kid. Its at the tail end of summer so it could be blazing hot, last year it was 90 degrees! Or it could be cool and chilly. It has always signified new beginnings for me, even more so than the beginning of the year.
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I remember my 33 birthday that was supposed to be my Jesus year and that didn’t happen. Last year was just survival mode in learning how to be a new mom. 35 though…will this be my year?
I dont want to say so and it isn’t but this year feels different. I think the biggest change is consistency. I have been exercising 5 days a week consistently since August 3.
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I have been going to noon day bible study on Wednesday at church since May.
I’ve been doing the work to make lifestyle changes that I can sustain. Sustainability is key. I used to start off super hard but I couldn’t maintain that momentum.
I used to worry about what I could do to keep the momentum going. I was so worried about the something disturbing the joy I was feeling that I wasn’t enjoying it.
Not anymore. I am making sure to take each day one at a time and that has helped tremendously. I am learning how to stop my negative thoughts in its tracks. I am exploring new things and becoming open to new ideas and thought processes. I am learning how to be 100% me, 100% of the time.
I set that goal in December but I didn’t start working on it really until we were forced to stay in the house. The last six months have been a lot of work but I have definitely reaped the benefits.
To my email followers especially, you are small but mighty force and since I know all of you in real life I just want to thank you for your support. I know you got an email saying a post was live yesterday, that post was not complete. WordPress is giving me the business! It won’t beat me nor will the devil. These words have to come out and they will. I appreciate your continued support. I wouldn’t have the courage to do this if wasn’t for you all.
It seems like people have really been going through in 2020. I completely understand, in some ways it feel like God set the world on fire.
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There is a lot in the bible about suffering. I have been through my fair share of suffering. When I search suffer on the blog 9 posts come up. I thought it might be time to do a recap since suffering is something we all at one point or another have to deal with.
For God is pleased when, conscious of his will, you patiently endure unjust treatment. Of course, you get no credit for being patient if you are beaten for doing wrong. But if you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you. 1 Peter 2:19-20 NLT
What is suffering? Suffering isn’t just something you don’t like, or a thing that bothers you. I believe suffering is the prolonged experience of physical pain or mental anguish.
Why do we suffer? We suffer for lots of reasons.
Sin. The choices we make, consequences for things we do or don’t do.
God wants to get the glory out of the situation.
God wants to test us and see that we put into practice everything we’ve been learning.
He wants to teach us patience and endurance because it produces Godly character.
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What should we do while we suffer? Two posts I did a few years ago would help. How to wait well and Pray for your enemies. You also can ask God to help you deal with it better. You can’t change anyone’s behavior but you can change how you respond to it. I know that seems impossible to pray for God to work something out in your favor but he can do anything. Not asking him is insulting to the power of God. He can do anything. He tells us to pray about everything so its not going to hurt to ask.
Remember. We are blessed that our suffering only lasts a little while, according to God. His little while and our little while may look different but its a good reminder that it is temporary and not meant to last forever. Sometimes knowing something is only temporary can help us endure just a little longer.
What happens after suffering is over? Double for your trouble. God never does anything without purpose. He can blesses us beyond what we can think or imagine. We typically get a blessing from God. Its not always the outcome that’s obvious on the outside but you have changed on the inside. That’s a huge gain. Change on the inside is something that lasts forever. Its something you can use when suffering happens again, because unfortunately it will.
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Prayer. Father God, I ask for patience, endurance, and peace until this time is over. God what do you want us to learn in this season? Are we re-doing something that you taught us before? Lord help me use my suffering for someone else’s good. I know we don’t just go through things for us, but for other people as well. Lord, I know you don’t waste a hurt, please continue to walk with my during this difficult time. Help me so that when suffering comes around again, that I remember that you are here to help me. I thank you that suffering does not last forever. In Jesus name, Amen.
I just finished a study on Psalm 119. Every week I will give you a lesson on what I learned from this psalm. King David wrote Psalm 119 over a long period of his life. I like King David because God once called him a man after his own heart. I want God to describe me in that way. I also like King David because he wasn’t perfect. We see him make some pretty big mistakes in his life but God still blessed him and his children. It sounds like a good example to follow to me.
God wants to bless us, not only with material blessings, but with peace and love and strength.
Psalm 119:1-16
1 Blessed are those whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the Lord. 2 Blessed are those who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart— 3 they do no wrong but follow his ways. 4 You have laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed. 5 Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees! 6 Then I would not be put to shame when I consider all your commands. 7 I will praise you with an upright heart as I learn your righteous laws. 8 I will obey your decrees; do not utterly forsake me.9 How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word. 10 I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. 11 I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. 12 Praise be to you, Lord; teach me your decrees. 13 With my lips I recount all the laws that come from your mouth. 14 I rejoice in following your statutes as one rejoices in great riches. 15 I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways. 16 I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word
What is a blessed life?
A happy, fulfilled, contented life. As you can see a blessed life doesn’t have anything to do with possessions, or job or where you live.
Characteristics of a blessed life
Maturing in my Christian walk
Knowing I can trust God
Remembering that everything happens for our good
God is always with me
I win, no matter what!
How to live a blessed life
Blameless, walk in the law
seek him with your whole heart
learn his righteous rules
praise with whole heart
Study his word
When we compare what is a blessed life vs what it takes to get a blessed life, it certainly seems more challenging. We should use this list to strive towards these things, its like our shoot for the starts, land on the moon scenario. If we are doing the best we can, we will achieve a blessed life. In our day to day pursuit of a blessed life, we are pointed towards God. We don’t have to do anything on our own, God is going to walk with us every step of the way.
You see living a blessed life doesn’t have as much to do with being a “good person” and more about your relationship with God. Reading this post could potentially lead to more questions. Don’t worry I got you.
You could be saying: Why do I have to praise him with my whole heart? How do I even do that? Come back. I will let you know.
I’m sorry I don’t have a post with fresh new content. WordPress updated its editing on how you post and I don’t know how to use it. I usually use WordPress on my phone, until the day of posting. I write the posts on my phone in my notes app and then I just share them to WordPress. I do the editing on my computer, adding the pictures, gifs, any final thoughts etc.
Think of how I was surprised I was to trying to edit a post this morning, like what is going on. I don’t even know how to add pictures anymore. (Update: I figured this out.)
I was going to try to push through, because you know…perfectionism. I’m not though.
I am going to admit, I don’t know how to do this and hopefully some of my fellow bloggers reading this will offer me some assistance.
I just figured out how to do this fancy quote thing. Definitely will be using ALL.OF.THE.TIME.
I still don’t know how to add links, but I’m figuring it out. I don’t have the time right now to play around with this but by next week, I will be back with fresh new content.
I appreciate your grace,
Dominique
PS- So after playing around with it more, I actually do like it, its just a lot and its going to take me some time to get used to all of it.
Always finding the silver lining 