Category Archives: Spiritual Growth

Job 13:15

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Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; I will surely defend my ways to his face.
Job 13:15 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/job.13.15.NIV

This is one of my favorite verses. Many times in my life I thought God was slaying. I didn’t understand what he was doing or why. Sometimes the what would come together but the why would remain elusive. The why doesn’t really matter though. I know I am not going through half the things Job went through and God proved himself faithful then.

I like that I will surely defend my ways to his face. God isn’t afraid of confrontation or our feelings. I like that. It shows that he really wants to be our friend and not just our father. He knows what I am thinking anyway so I might as well get it out.

Things tend to always find a way to come together, better than I thought or could have imagined. God is good All the time.Even when we don’t understand, even when don’t like it, he is good. I’m so glad I have this verse as a reminder. It’s never as bad as I think it is. God won’t play me and he won’t play you either.

It’s not you, its me

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Such a cliche right? I know but cliches are well known for a reason. It definitely fits my situation.

I have been pretty M.I.A most of the winter and spring. I usually hideout during the winter just because it’s cold and get over that post holiday hump but this year was different.

So many people had awesome things going on around me, new babies, new jobs, new houses and we didn’t have anything new happening. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing or surprising. We have been cruising in a good space for a while, we have found a good rhythm. Its hard to admit you are jealous or envious of your friends or family or coworkers. I don’t want to use the word envious or jealous because those are usually described as negative emotions. It’s more I’m happy for you and sad for me. Nobody wants that kind of energy at their birthday party, housewarming, BBQ, etc. I never want to be a Debbie Downee when I go somewhere so I just decided to stay away. That probably wasnt the best way to do it but hey we do what we know.

I know somebody who has had to watch other people around her have kids for years and she has been nothing but supportive. She is older than me so maybe it takes years to grow to that level of maturity. I admire that because I definitely couldn’t do it. I am not there yet but I’m working on it. God is making it more and more uncomfortable to be in this box. I haven’t been to a baby shower in years but now the people having babies are getting closer and closer to me. No choice but to go. I’m also trying to grow. I know I should be doing better, it is just hard.

The next time you haven’t heard from someone you care about in a while, reach out. I appreciate all the invites I got even though I wasn’t going.

The biggest reason now that’s holding me back from jumping back into the fray of where I used to hang out is because I don’t want to explain what I have been doing or why I wasn’t around.

That’s probably selfish of me. Would you feel like you wanted an explanation? Would you accept its not you, it’s me?

Tempted by the devil

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Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are.

1 Peter 5:8‭-‬9 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/1pe.5.8-9.NLT

The devil never tempts us with things we don’t like. I have been dreaming about things I used to do, activities I have given up. I haven’t thought about them in months and then I have like 3 dreams back to back about it. Definitely kind of crazy. This verse of the day really made me think like this must be a warning from God.I am supposed to be reading Job this week but I really don’t want to. That whole story started because the devil wanted to mess with him, prove a point to God. Now I know God allowed it but he still was testing him, threw his name out there to see what would happen. I hope God isn’t testing me. I am no Job or Jesus. He was tested too. I may fall back into temptation. Maybe, maybe not. I certainly hope not. It is easy for me to rationalize when I want to do something. I have some free time coming up and idle hands are the devils playground. I am definitely going to stay aware and prayed up.

Broken

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Broken-
having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order 

(of a person) having given up all hope; despairing.

I used to think I was broken using both definitions. That I was living a lie, that I was going out in the world and acting like everything was ok when it wasn’t. I felt like something inside of me was broken and could not be fixed. I had a hole in my heart that was irreparable. I tried a lot of this but nothing could fill it, not partying, not work, not my friends, not my husband, everything I was trying to do wasn’t working.

So in my last resort I turned to God. I’m glad I did. I learned I’m not broken. God made me this way. He has plans for me that are good. I didn’t always believe that or understand but I stayed in the word. It made a huge difference on my outlook in life. There is beauty in my brokenness. I wouldn’t have grown in my relationship with God if I wasn’t broken. Everyday is practice in reminding myself that I have to meet no one expectations but my own.

If you feel broken just know you don’t have to stay that way. There is a way out. You won’t be able to do it on your own, not long lasting. Getting out of your head and closer to God is the only long term solution and potentially seeing a therapist.

Updated: since I wrote the above words Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain have both committed suicide. This has sparked debate about what role does prayer and God specifically play in mental health. I think that God is our first resource in working on our mental health. Getting into your bible, prayer, fasting, meditating, it’s all an important part of the healing process. We can’t do it on our own and believing you can may be a fatal mistake. You need tools to overcome things you have been through. Seek help if you need it.

New series alert!

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I had been wanting to do summaries of books in the bible for a while and I read some really awesome ones online. I didn’t think my mine were good enough so I didn’t go ahead with the idea. I was trying to make them too much like the ones I saw and not do it in my voice. The old testament can be boring but there are some interesting perspectives and lessons we can glean from it. I have been doing a bible in a year plan and was going to start this way back when I was in Numbers. I talked myself out of it. I didn’t want my readers who weren’t into God to leave. I didn’t want to appear to churchy. Isn’t that insane? It’s a blog about God!

Bible-reading-plan

My goal is to help people with their spiritual growth. Reading your bible is one way to do that. Its really the first step in moving up in your spiritual maturity. If you read my thoughts on a particular book you may want to go back and read some of it yourself. Bare with me as I try this out. The bible has so much to unpack, I don’t want to overwhelm myself. This will be good for me and good for you too. I’m excited to see where this series go. I haven’t fleshed it all out yet but now that I told you, I can’t back out now. Thanks readers for just by your presence holding me accountable.

First post in this series will be the first week of July. I currently just finished 2 Chronicles. I will probably start there but I may go back as well to some of the books that I missed.

Guilty

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via Daily Prompt: Guilty

I know this daily prompt is late but it was too good for me to pass up so I’m posting it anyway. Update: since writing this post I have learned that the daily prompt from WordPress is now gone. (gasp!) I loved the daily word prompt. It really stretched me. I am still going to do one, I just need to figure out how I want to do it. If anyone knows why they decided to stop let me know.

Guilty-a feeling of having done wrong or failed in an obligation.

Guilt is a powerful thing. I have been trying to live as guilt free as possible because I used to carry around a lot of guilt. Guilt for things I had done in the past, guilt for the way I handled situations, just guilt, guilt, guilt. I wrote about some solutions to getting rid of guilt in a post from the beginning of the year. Its worth a read if you have some time. I also talked about Condemnation vs. Conviction. That is the big thing with guilt. Some of it can be good, like conviction. Conviction lets you know you are doing something wrong. Condemnation is bad because it takes you away from God. Guilt is like condemnations little brother. You don’t typically have one without the other.

Guilt-does-to-the-soul

Guilt is not of God. Don’t do it to yourself. Don’t let anyone else make you feel guilty either. The whole point of confession is that you don’t have to carry this burden anymore. Guilt is carrying around the burden and Jesus is a burden bearer. Psalm 68:19.

Resources

http://www1.cbn.com/keys-powerful-living-overcoming-guilt

Guilt vs. Shame [Infographic]

View at Medium.com

View at Medium.com

View at Medium.com

View at Medium.com

One year!

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achievement

One year! I can hardly believe it. When I registered this blog a year ago I would never have thought I would be here. I have almost 80 followers which doesn’t seem like a lot but I didn’t think that people would want to hear what I had to say, especially because I was talking about God. My start was bumpy. I registered this site in June but I didn’t do my first post until October.  I was scared. I was following what God told me to do but I was moving really slow about it. I wanted it to be perfect, I wanted to have 10 posts before I went live. So many things now, I realize didn’t matter.

 

I write because it makes me feel good. I write because it helps me get all the things that are inside my head out and on to paper. When I write I feel closer to God. I started this blog because I know this crazy journey I have been on wasn’t just for me. I am happy that it has helped and inspired people. I am proud of myself because this blog has helped me more than it has probably helped anybody. Self examination and growth is hard. Like real hard. Putting the wild things you think on paper for people to judge is also hard. I never wanted to be judged by things I wrote because I probably already judged myself harder than any random person could. I know I could be doing things better, responding better, living better. I see people going through harder trials then me with a smile on their face every day.

I am working on it. I am proud of the woman I am becoming. I don’t know everything and I no longer feel like I have to pretend I do. That is a big deal. I am getting people to reflect on their behavior, which is great. It is the thing I want to do the most, is help people be the best versions of themselves.

Keep reading, keep following, keep supporting. I am so appreciative. I hope you are getting something out of these words. I am excited for what the next blogging year will bring.

Yours in writing,

Dominique

Not in crisis

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I felt like at the beginning of the year I was always talking to God about something and he was talking to me. I felt like there were some things he wanted me to work on and I was definitely going through a pruning phase. I do not feel like that now. I don’t know if the devil is messing with me because things are going really well. I have still been doing all the things I normally do for the most part. I was sick all last week, so I didn’t do much reading or writing because it physically hurt to do so. I have caught up on my Bible in a year plan. Thankfully I wasn’t too far behind. Something seems like its missing though. Don’t get me wrong, nothing is wrong just something seems off. Things on paper are great but I feel distant from God.

I know as always that is not him that moved but me. I know that I have to be intentional about keeping the fire in our relationship going. I know also not to trust my feelings because feelings will lead you astray. I don’t want my relationship with God to be me moving from crisis to another. I want to continually feel his presence. If I think hard enough I am sure there are some things I am supposed to be doing that I have not done. Not many though. Thank goodness! I have been down that road before and it can be a miserable one. I also know I have been spending a lot of scrolling through Instagram. It was the only thing I could really do on the internet while I was sick. It was mindless and took no effort. I am going to make some tweaks and see how I feel next. My creative juices don’t seem to be flowing as much either which is why I haven’t been writing. I am going to write a separate post about that.

Do you ever feel just a little off? If you do, how did you get over it?

Awkward

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via Daily Prompt: Awkward

awkward-causing or feeling embarrassment or inconvenience

Why is everyone so scared to be awkward? Issa Rae had a book and YouTube series about being an Awkward Black Girl. (the language is pretty bad, but its also pretty funny) I can identify with some of how she felt. I don’t think I am super socially awkward but I am human, so I am sure I have my moments. I think a lot, so I make sure I avoid it at all costs. Sometimes I avoid being awkward so much that I let things linger that probably shouldn’t. How long is to long to not talk to someone? How long is too long to not hang out with them? There is no beef but so much time has passed it feels awkward to make the call.

chuck swindoll

My friends say you don’t have to explain your absence, people just want to be reached out, thought about. Which in theory makes sense, but that initial conversation, what if its weird? What if the person is mad? What if the magic is gone?

I wrote a while back about spiritual growth being about reacting differently to the same situation and I want to, but then the whole issue of being awkward comes up and I start to think is it worth it? Embarrassment is a hard thing to get over and vulnerability is too. How do you tell someone its not you, its me? Would they even accept that? Can we go back to being what we were before? Do we want too? Can you trust me again? They say time heals all wounds but I just don’t know about that.

time heals

I try to look at it if one of my friends came back to me after a long hiatus like hey whats up we should hang out. Would I be upset? Probably not, but things don’t necessarily bother me like they bother other people. I am going to take the plunge real soon and see how it goes. I have held this off for too long. God doesn’t want me holding on to anything. I could be blowing this situation up in my mind and making it worse than what it is. I won’t know until I pick up the phone. I will let you know my progress.

 

 

 

 

Writer’s block?

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I have read articles that say there is no such thing as writer’s block.

Writer’s block is a condition, primarily associated with writing, in which an author loses the ability to produce new work, or experiences a creative slowdown. The condition ranges in difficulty from coming up with original ideas to being unable to produce a work for years.

This is the official definition. I certainly felt like I was in that space a few weeks ago. I think I am breaking out of it because lots of different ideas are coming and I can hear myself, “monologueing” in my head when I am supposed to be driving or paying attention in meetings or just doing other things in general. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I had not until recently considered myself a writer so I never asked anyone this before. I didn’t think I was creative either until I felt like all my ideas were stale and I didn’t have anything fresh to add to them.

writers block 1

What do you do when you get in this space? When I did a quick Google search on writer’s block, over 8.5 million items popped up in the search so I know I am not the only person that has this problem.

I read the cure is just write. Write about not writing, make a list, just do something in the written word. I didn’t feel creative though. I heard Solange Knowles say once it’s hard to write when she is happy. I feel like I am running into that problem. It’s a good problem to have don’t get me wrong but it feels odd. I am in a good space. Really good. Its weird, how terrible things were to how good they are now. I am not saying my life is perfect not by any means, I am just in a place where I am very content. I feel like God has worked on me quite a bit and my perspective on things has changed. I am slowly coming out of my cocoon.

People say that Mary J Blige albums weren’t as good once she got in a successful committed relationship. Unfortunately I think that is kind of true for her. I don’t want to be that way. How do I break that cycle? People seem to gravitate to the posts that are more problematic. I have some ideas that I will be blogging about. I never thought I would be in this place though. I had been holding back on my writing for so long I figured I would never run out of things to say.

spritual gifts 2

God gave me this gift and I don’t want to waste it. I also don’t want to force anything either. It is a very delicate balance. I am just going to take it one day at a time and not force myself to have quotas. I think feeling like I have to keep up with my blogging schedule adds a lot of pressure and takes away from the writing process. Being concerned with followers and likes, takes away from the creative process as well. I know I don’t write for likes. I write because I need to get the words out of my head. I want people to like those words though.

spiritual gifts

I don’t think I have run out of things to say, it’s more my thought process has changed. I don’t think that is a bad thing. My blog may have to shift in focus somewhat.  We will see. I appreciate you not quitting on me while I try to figure this out.

https://goinswriter.com/how-to-overcome-writers-block/ This article has some really good suggestions.

What is your cure for writers block? Do you believe that it is a real thing? What inspires you to write?