Tag Archives: prayer

Steps to refuel when you are running on empty

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Read this post to see what led me to running on empty.

  1. Pray-I know this seems like an obvious solution but I really took some time to pour out my heart to God concerning how I felt. It wasn’t a quick 15 minute devotional. I wanted him to know exactly how I felt and even though he already knew, writing it down and getting it out, I did feel better.
  2. Listened to different sermons-I listened to different sermons about what to do when your cup is empty or you feel like you are running on E. John Gray, TD Jakes, and Rick Warren to name a few.
  3. I did things that I like to do-I read books, hung out with my friends.
  4. I changed my thought process-I read a lot about how God loves me and has a plan for me. I know these things to be true, but when you feel like God is withholding something from you, you don’t always see that love. Reading those verses really renewed my spirit.
  5. I got myself off my mind-I have been volunteering in the food pantry and at the day care at church.

I feel much better. I am so thankful that I had time to really unplug from everyone and plug into God. I decided to run towards him. He is truly a God of comfort. I appreciate that. I hope that I won;t get back in this spot again. I am also debating about a therapist. I have even called a few but none seem to be working out. I don’t really want to see a therapist but I don’t know if I have tools to take myself to the next level. I’m working on it. Only time will truly tell.

Confession: I didn’t take my own advice

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Backsliding can be more subtle than I thought. I originally wrote about backsliding a while back and talked about not getting down on yourself when you do it. The post also mentioned recognizing your triggers so you will be less tempted. It all makes sense. However what if you are moving so slowly back you don’t even notice at first? I foolishly equated backsliding to a one time act, things that are easy to recognize and fix. Unfortunately this is not always the case, other types of backsliding are more subtle.

This article talks about four different types of backsliding.

I knew that something was wrong but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. That’s what made me research condemnation vs. conviction. I thought maybe the devil was messing with my head. I thought maybe I was not pleasing God in some way. So I asked him what did he want me to do. God told me all I needed to do was love him with all my heart, all my soul and all my mind. I had all this information but still something wasn’t right.

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In the background of all this, work was crazy, I was not sleeping through the night and quality time with my husband was suffering.

I went back and read my journal entries to try and see what was wrong. Where did the subtle shift start happening? Way back in February. Pretty much when Lent started. This 40 day’s has definitely been rough.

I didn’t realize all these little separate events were pulling me away from God because I was still more or less doing my normal routine. My husband called it to my attention that backsliding was happening. My spirit knew something was happening but flesh just couldn’t get it together.

Why? I didn’t want to admit that I didn’t have it all together. I didn’t want to admit, I was encouraging others but couldn’t encourage myself. I thought I was over some hurts but I’m clearly not. Calling something by name makes it real and means you have to deal with it. Proverbs  30:15-16 says four things on Earth will always be unsatisfied and one of those is a barren woman.

Now I strongly believe that God will bless us with a baby of our own. I do. I don’t know when though. That is hard and all the things I chosen to distract myself with aren’t working. They work for a little while but when is always in the back of my mind.

I got tired off doing good because I didn’t see the reward. I didn’t want to admit it because I know I am not supposed to feel that way.

brink of victory

Unfortunately this is where I’m at. I don’t feel like I am on the brink of victory. I can’t stay in this space. What do I do? What do you do if this is where you are?

I wrote this a few weeks ago and thankfully I did come up with a few solutions. I will post that tomorrow. I didn’t want this post to get to long.

Explore

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via Daily Prompt: Explore

Explore-travel in or through (an unfamiliar country or area) in order to learn about or familiarize oneself with it.

I was talking to a friend today. We haven’t talked in a while so of course we went through all the catching up stuff. I typically kind of freeze up at this point because I don’t have anything “new” to report. I give the typical answers of, I’m good, just living life. This time, I gave a different response. I said, I am making internal changes. Nothing that may be seen on outside but on the inside its huge.  I am exploring myself, searching out new possibilities and it feels good. I wouldn’t normally tell someone that because there is no tangible evidence for this kind of expedition. The results of my exploring only matter to me and that is ok. It is not about anyone else.

I am on spring break this week. It has been great. Nobody else I know is off this week  and the weather has been pretty icky  so it has been a great week for reflection and exploration. I have really been able to talk to God and listen to what he has to say. I was getting close to a burn out. March was a pretty rough month. God is always on time though. This break came at the perfect time. These three days were just what I needed to recharge my batteries. I will explore more this month about being intentional, what to do when you are feeling burned out and how to respond when it feels like the “wicked” are winning. National Infertility Awareness week is this month and I will talk about that a bit as well.

I am excited to move into a new month and new season. The first quarter of the year is over but there is always time to get things done that we want to accomplish. I am looking forward to what the next three months will bring.

Do the right thing

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Do you do the right thing just because its the right thing? Is that a bad thing?

I have always tried to do the right thing because it was right even when I didn’t want to do it, sometimes to my own detriment. Interestingly enough I never want somebody to do something for me if they don’t want to do it. I feel intentions matter and if you’re heart isn’t in, don’t do it for me.

In Sunday school we talked about doing the right thing because it’s right and my friend said its like by building muscle memory. The more you do it the better you grow and develop that muscle. I hadn’t thought about it that way before. The more you do something the more you want to do it. Which makes good sense. Joyce Meyer says the mark of spiritual growth is sometimes doing things you don’t want to do. I appreciate that and I am working on it.

I remember when I first started going to Sunday school I didn’t want to go. I only went because the teacher asked me like three times to go. I went and I did enjoy it and I have been going since he invited me, almost 2 months ago.

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That’s the thing with doing what’s right even when you don’t want to, God will change your desires to match his desires. If you are continuously doing something and you still don’t like it and it has been a few months, pray about it. Even though God is more concerned with our character than comfort, he doesn’t want us to be miserable. If you are not growing in a situation then it may be time to reevaluate.

I talked about doing the right thing even when you don’t want in my post WWJD. In that post it was more about doing the right thing when somebody is being reckless and you decide to be the bigger person. In the situation I’m referencing now, I am thinking more about going to church when you don’t feel like it, volunteering, going to baby shower/retirement party/social activity when you don’t want to, visiting your grandma, things like that. Sometimes it is good to push outside your comfort zone because things are usually worse in our heads than in real life. You may even get there, enjoy yourself and want to do it more often.

What are you feeding your soul?

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What you feed your soul is just as important as what you put in your body.

  • Poison- Things that will kill you such as self defeating thoughts.
  • Junk food-stuff on tv, no nutritional value, making your spiritually fat
  • super food-bible

Most people genuinely try to eat healthy, whether its organic, vegan, more water, shopping at Whole Foods and Trader Joes, etc. You probably are fairly diligent in your exercise program. Making sure you hit the gym a few times a week or do some type of physical activity. However,are you that diligent about what you are putting in your soul? I would hope so, but I don’t always think that is the case. If you only talk to God on Sunday at church then your spiritual diet is probably a little junk food heavy.

If the only time you pray is over your food or when you are in deep trouble then you may want to make some modifications. You don’t want your spiritual diet to make your soul sluggish. You may not be able to hear God because you have a bunch of things in the way.

Do you ever listen to inspirational or gospel music? Or is it secular music all the time? Nothing wrong with secular music. I enjoy a trap beat as much as the next person but with any diet, it needs to be balanced. You can’t just eat Flaming Hot Cheetos and never have carrots. You should try to balance your secular music with some inspirational music. What are you watching on tv? Is it a steady diet of “reality tv?” Fistfights, drink tossing and love triangles? If so, maybe limit how much of that you are taking in. I enjoy escaping into fantasy, especially after a long work week but I caution that from being the only thing you watch.

priority

Just like a diet is a lifestyle change, your spiritual diet should be one too. Just like you always keep a few staples in your diet, there should be some staples in your spiritual diet. Those staples include a quiet time with God, bible reading/studying, and prayer. I would say those are three main things you need to grow your relationship with God. I try to do those things before I go to work in the morning and before I go to bed at night so I am covered in my comings and my going. It doesn’t have to be anything formal or intense. There are a lot plans you can find that will give you structure to your quiet time. I try to do 15 minutes before work and 30 minutes when I get home. I have my quiet time before I turn my tv on when I get off. I want God to know that he is a priority in my life. There is always time to make changes and adjustments. God sees your heart. No matter how big or small, just get started.

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Inefficient

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Inefficient-not achieving maximum productivity; wasting or failing to make the best use of time or resources.

Often times I think about the dreams and goals that I have and want to accomplish and I feel  inefficient. I certainly don’t feel like I am making the best use of my time or resources. I have two degrees that I do not really use and I’m starting to to get the itch that I want to do something else. Am I qualified?  Sometimes I think so, but other days not so much. I am debating on if I want to get an Ed.d, which is a doctorate in education because that is what I have been doing for the last 10+ years but I don’t know. I know to make any real money or move up, a terminal degree would be nice but I want a job that is bigger than money. Do I want to do something totally different? I didn’t get into my field to make a lot of money but I want to be comfortable. I don’t want to put all the financial heavy lifting to my husband. I have two degrees, I want to pull my own weight.

When I got my master’s there wasn’t a lot of asking God or contemplating. I did a little research, asked the higher ups around me and did it. I want to put a little more thought and time into my choice this time around. I don’t think having more formal education is what makes feel inefficient. I have to remind myself that his grace is sufficient. He is strong when I am weak.

his-grace-is-sufficient-erica-hanel

I probably feel this way because what I really want to do I have no formal training at all. I want to be a writer. I want to write books that will be read all over the world and be referenced for years to come. I can’t really imagine that happening in my wildest dreams. Why not? I haven’t even tried yet and I am already talking myself out of it. Nobody can make me feel inefficient but me. I know it won’t be easy but if I take one step, God will take two. I was not made to be inefficient or mediocre. I was created for his purpose. There is something inside of me that is waiting to be revealed and the only person that can stop me from reaching my full potential is me.

 

 

Condemnation vs. Conviction

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Discerning the difference between conviction of the Holy Spirit and Condemnation from the Enemy

-conviction is from the Holy Spirit, prompting us to confess and be restored by fellowship with God. It is to draw us closer to God.

-condemenation is from Satan. Purpose is to keep us away from God by making us feel guilty.

-once you confess you are immediately forgiven, anything after that is guilt from Satan

-if you feel like hiding from God and doubting his love that is Satan, Closer that is God

-the enemy; speaks in half truths, pushes, agitates, emphasizes, do, do, do encourages willingness against Gods ways, encourages complaining, tells us we are inadequate

-Holy Spirit: about whole truth, wants us to be anxious for nothing, emphasizes be,be,be, unites people, emphasizes Gods will empowers us, encourages contentment

-Holy Spirit is specific-fix this me thing and you will be free. He commands you to take a specific action to make a choice of your will.

-The enemy wants us to focus on our feelings. Feelings are false! Speaks half truths. Set your mind on interests above God.

-Holy Spirit speaks facts and truth about you and God. Set your mind on God’s interests.

condemnation-conviction

http://www.tonycooke.org/articles-by-others/condemnation-conviction/

Disclaimer:

(This list is complied research from a bunch of different websites. At the time, I didn’t need to know the source because it was for my personal use. Now I’m sharing with you, I need to give credit because I didn’t know most of this stuff until I looked it up.)

https://marriagemissions.com/discerning-the-difference-between-the-conviction-of-the-holy-spirit-and-condemnation-of-the-enemy/

http://shieldoffaith62.blogspot.com/p/conviction-or-condemnationknowing.html

Often times I wonder if God is convicting me about something or is it the devil trying to make me feel bad. I discovered a few things. Conviction will make you feel bad, but not in a despair, can’ t face the day feel bad, just disappointed in yourself. That’s you grieving the Holy Spirit but it isn’t condemnation. Many times I have confessed things to God but still felt terrible about them, that isn’t God. He doesn’t want us to feel bad when He corrects us, he just wants us to do better.

offers hope

I wrote the words above a long time ago, 3 years ago in my journal when I was doing research on conviction vs condemnation. One thing I never paid attention to in my research is specific. As I was researching to write this post, I finally noticed specific. One blogger talked about God telling her she needed to apologize to someone and it just kept coming up in her mind over and over again. That makes sense. Specific is probably the most important thing that I could take away from my research. If you can’t put your finger on why you feel bad, that probably is not from God. God is not a God of confusion. If he wants you to something the direction is always clear. Even if the direction is to take one step at a time. He won’t just leave you hanging.

In my bible reading everyday I have discovered that Jesus didn’t come to judge us or condemn us but help us. He doesn’t want you to feel bad about something because you are not always going to change something if you are made to feel bad about it. You will just avoid it.

john317 coffee cup

I have only scratched the surface of this topic. It is definitely something I want to dive into more. You should too. There is a ton of research out there about this topic. Do you feel like you are being convicted about anything? What changes are you feeling prompted to make? Take some time to pray and make sure its from God and not anywhere else.

Greater expectations

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I was at leadership meeting at church and the guy leading the class asked us what God is working on in us. One person said self forgiveness. He said he felt like he was putting expectations on himself that God had not put on him. I have been thinking about that statement all week.

This week was rough. I just have a lot of things going on right now and I felt like I was doing a disservice to God but I couldn’t put my finger on why. It lead me to do a lot of research on condemnation vs conviction, which I will post about next week. I still didn’t feel like I had the answer though. I have been pretty diligent. Usually when I feel this way, I fall into a Netflix of Hulu binge but this time I didn’t. I’m still reading everyday, through the bible in a year plan on YouVerse bible app and having my quiet time. So I asked God, what do you want me to do? What do you expect of me? Just a few days ago.

He gave me the answer today. In Deuteronomy, God says all he wants you do is fear him and do what pleases him. That’s it. Sounds pretty simple. In a way yes, but in a way no. I have been doing a lot of research on what pleases God for quite sometime. There are a lot of things in the bible about what doesn’t please God but I feel like there is less emphasis on what does please him.

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I think that is because God doesn’t want us to work ourselves to death in trying to please him. Loving him with all your heart, soul and strength is not an easy task. This is why he gives us grace. Grace to mess up, grace to mistakes. He sees our hearts and our intentions.

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He just wants us to do the best we can. I lose sight of this because I have placed expectations on myself that God never did. I never noticed I did that before. I have been trying to grow so fast. I want to be as close to perfect as possible, which really isn’t humble. I want God to know I’m paying attention, that I’m not just being a reader of the word but a doer of the word. James 1:22-24.

Are you being too hard on yourself? Try not to be. Don’t run from God when you feel this way, run towards him. He will always give you answers and typically sooner than you think.

Patience

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Patience-the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

I haven’t really been writing this week because it’s been a pretty crappy week to say the least. It sucks but it happens. I spent time with my girls this weekend in a quick getaway which lifted my spirits a bit.

I saw the prompt of the day was Patience. Sheesh! I immediately felt that in my spirit and then the verse of the day from the Youverse bible is about patience.

I’m like ok God I get it. I’m working on it. I just feel like I’m always having to be patient. I’m listening to my girl Joyce (Meyer) and she said something that really struck me. Don’t try harder, get closer to God.

In bible study this week, Beth Moore talked about different types of patience.Patience with situations and patience with people. I find I moreso need patience with circumstances than people but Beth brought up a good point. God is testing your patience with people because he wants to bring something out of you that is holding you back from greatness.

God gives us patience in circumstances to see if we are going to act differently in the same situation. This really got me thinking. I don’t always act differently in the same situations. I am making more of an effort to do so after hearing this lesson.

I don’t want to keep going around the same mountain over and over. I want patience to do a good work in me until it is complete. Philippians 1:6.

Patience is definitely a challenge but there is good reason to wait well. I’m going to stop trying so hard to be patient and seek God more. That way, I am so focused on him that patience is my natural response things.

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Be Humble.

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God does not like the proud. AT. ALL.

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I never thought I was a person that had a problem with humility. I am not a bragger, I don’t take credit for others people work, I am not obnoxious. These are the things I think about when I think of person with a humility problem. As God has been working on me, I discovered that humility is a multilayered concept and once I start peeling back the onion that I wasn’t as humble as I thought I was. I was listening to Joyce Meyer the other day and she had this list of characters traits of people who are humble. Once I heard this list I knew I had some work to do.

Humble people:

  • Ask for help, don’t insist that things go there on way-I don’t ask for help because I don’t typically do things I don’t know how to do already.
  • Quick to forgive, slow to offend glad to wait on God for vindication
  • Patient and long suffering with weakness of other people- I work in a high school. I am not always patient with people weaknesses because I hate to see wasted potential. I have students who are in the top 10% of the class not doing anything and it makes me so mad, and then I lose my patience with them. I have to remind myself they are just children.
  • Peace maker and peace lover
  • Romans 12 never overestimate yourself, adapt yourself to other people
  • Knows when to be quiet- I do not know when to be quiet. I talk entirely too much which is not always a bad thing. I am the person that used to always speak first in group settings, but now I try 3 before me. I also try to make sure that anything I have to add is necessary and beneficial to the conversation.
  • First to apologize-I am certainly not first to apologize because I don’t always feel that I am wrong. My husband is always first to apologize even when it isn’t his fault, which makes me really upset. He is one the most humble people I know though.
  • See and admit own weakness-I see them, but its much harder for me to admit them. I am working on it though. I talk about that some in this post. Is fear of failure selfish?
  • Gives credit where it’s due
  • Happily servers other people
  • Very thankful
  • Quick to repent- I am now. I think my problem before is that I didn’t realize I was doing things that didn’t please God. I am thankful for conviction.
  • Treats everyone with respect

I stumbled across this post at the Godly Chic Diaries about humility and it made a lot of sense. She brings up another layer of this humility onion. I will be talking more about as I work through these different layers.

How humble are you? After looking at this list do you see some things you need to work on?