Faith over fear (15)

What are you afraid of? I just realized that I am afraid of change. I never really thought I was a person afraid of change but one of the ladies in my caregroup asked me yesterday if I was of change and after thinking about it I had to say yes. We are doing a bible study on faith in a larger study on the fruit of the spirit by Beth Moore. Beth asks when you are afraid to have faith what is holding you back. Everyone said fear of disappoint, myself included but after we started talking about prayer requests, I realized I am afraid of change. I haven’t had many changes in my life. I worked in the same department at the same company for eight years. I also worked their in Undergrad, so there was no true change for me there. I lived in the same apartment for 3 years before I got married. I hate moving. As I look back over my life, I realized that I don’t take the opportunity to change very often.

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My fear of change could potentially be blocking me from my blessings. An opportunity came up at work and I was thinking of all the reasons that it could be bad. I never thought for a moment of the positives that could come from the change. There is growth in change. I realized that if I let my fear of change hold me back, then I am telling God he can’t be with me wherever I go or whatever situation I face. Its a control issue. The longer you stay in a situation, the more you have control over, you can anticipate the variables. I say God is in control of my life, but if I let fear rule me then truly, I am saying I control my life and not God. That’s not the life I am trying to lead.

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One of the girls in the group said that I was just creating a lot of this in my mind. I created a story. It doesn’t have to end that way. I am projecting my feelings onto a situation that had not happened yet. What if it was good? I have never even considered that. I chose to focus only on the negative. What if I chose to focus on the positive instead? I also made a pros and cons list. After looking at the list, the pros were definitely outweighing the cons.

Change is something that is inevitable. I am working hard to embrace change and not run from it. I don’t want to block any blessings because I am afraid. I trust God to work everything out for my good.

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Challenge is half way over… (13)

If you haven’t noticed, I definitely haven’t been doing a post a day which, I knew I wasn’t going to do. I am a little behind and feeling the pressure. I have time though, so I am trying not to freak myself out. Its been a good process even if I have done as well as I thought I would. I have already learned some things which I take as a good sign.

  1. I have to be incredibly intentional, which was really my main goal of this exercise.
  2. I have to write even when I don’t feel like writing. I don’t feel like writing more I thought, lol
  3. The more I am hanging out, watching tv, listening to podcasts, things that have a spiritual bend, it also takes away my inspiration to write. I am on summer break because I work in a high school so I am only working part time. That should give me plenty of time to write. Definitely not! I am finding lots of non-productive ways to fill my off time.
  4. I need to be more organized in my time.
  5. Being perfect is not going to happen but I can still put forth 100% effort.

So stick with me. I am just going to continue to trudge along.

*Update

I will say it is getting easier. Post ideas are flowing. Writing is not feeling like a chore. I haven’t run out of things to say and I have only used a few prompts from the prompt list I made when I first started. I’m excited to see what the next two weeks look like.