Tag Archives: life

Making people uncomfortable

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HaileyPaigeMagee who is basically my IG therapist (LOL) is putting out great content about breaking people pleasing. One thing she said was

In order to break the people-pleasing pattern, we must learn how to sit with discomfort instead of reacting to it, including:

  • The discomfort of others being unhappy with us
  • The discomfort of letting others handle their own problems instead of rushing in to fix them
  • The discomfort of having difficult, honest conversations about our needs and boundaries

The discomfort that comes when we realize that others’ happiness isn’t our responsibility, but our own happiness is.

This was revoluntary for me because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone but realizing that adults could be disappointed and that was ok ,was big for me. That they would still like me, that they wouldn’t stop talking to me was big. I still struggle with this one, but I have gotten much better.

I still struggle with the discomfort of having difficult conversations, I don’t want to make people feel bad.I also don’t want to give negative feedback but sometimes people don’t realize how they are coming across and since they asked we should tell them.

I had to realize what was mine to hold and what I had to let go of.

Its interesting that I was more worried about disappointing other people than I was in disappointing myself.

Hailey says to recognize if you are people pleasing, do your insides match your outsides? Do you feel happy or do you feel anxious and resentful? I would take it a step further and ask how did you feel when it was over, do you feel warm and fuzzy or are you now going over all the things you said in your head. That probably isn’t the place you should be.

Until next time,

Dominique

Stress and Worry

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Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This verse is about your thought life. What dominates your thoughts , what controls your mind. I also read this verse and thought sinful things Paul most be talking about bad stuff, you know the 10 commandment type stuff. However reading it again I don’t think that’s true. The definition of sin means to miss the mark. That sounds ambiguous but if Jesus is our mark anything we do that takes us away from that target is sin.

I’m talking about the sins of worry and stress. If you are constantly worried and stressed you are not pleasing God. God tells us over and over give our worries to him.

I’ve let my sinful nature take over before. Constantly worried about a project at work. When I do that I take my eyes off God and put them on my problem. It was all I would talk about, think about. I read my Bible but I wasn’t focused. My stomach hurt, I was mean and cranky. I might not have been physically dying but I was spiritually dying. I didn’t have much of a life because I was focused on this one thing.

Once I decided to take my eyes off my problem and back on God I was given some help and found a solution. I let the spirit lead me instead of my stress and I did feel peace but it was roller coaster trying to get there. Choose prayer first.

Make a list of what you’re worried about this week big or small and ask God to help you with these problems. Also talk to a trusted friend or prayer partner. They may be able to help you with your problem. Holding it in, is not helping you.

Until next time,

Dominique

New mercies

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”Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.“
‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3‬:‭22‬-‭23‬ ‭NIV‬‬

There’s are a few different versions of this verse but I like this one because it says we are not consumed because his compassion’s never fail.

Consume in the Hebrew means devour. What is devouring you right now? Is it work? Is it home? Family? Friendships? Anxiety? Stress?

Because God is compassionate nothing can overtake us or devour us. One bad day doesn’t make a bad week. One bad conversation doesn’t make for a bad relationship. Because of his new mercies we can begin each new day with fresh perspective. I know it can be hard to get over a hurt and keep replaying it in your mind but you don’t have to.
Each day is a new opportunity to begin again.
God is not walking around holding on to that hurt, anger, sadness and we don’t have to either.

I’m not saying if someone hurt you it’s instant relief but remembering that you can start the next interaction fresh may be helpful to you.

New mercies count for everything not just for days but bad conversations, hurt feelings, bad choices, regrets, etc

Before you decide to hold on to bad feelings, bad decisions, regret, guilt, grudges, etc remember that Gods

mercies are new every morning.

Are you holding on to something and you need to let go?

Prayer: Father help us not hold on to things we don’t need to. You say give you our burdens and you will give us rest. Thank you that we don’t have to hold on to anything but you. Thank you we are not devoured or consumed and that we have the ability to start fresh.

Internal Enemies

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”My enemies did their best to kill me, but the Lord rescued me.“
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭118‬:‭13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Your enemies are doing their best right now to destroy you but don’t let them. Don’t let the enemy doubt make you forget what God can do. Don’t let the enemy fear make you forget that you can do anything with Christ Jesus. Don’t let the enemy of overwhelmed make you forget that while things and obligations may be surrounding you, you can overcome them all by the authority of the Lord. Don’t let the enemy of insecurity make you forget that you were made in Gods image so you are mighty and strong.

God wants us to be successful. I recently read in Dr. Phillips book, Tending the Garden Within, to ask God for what we needed. I challenge you to do that now. I asked God for a win and he gave me one! Just yesterday. He is always listening, always ready to step in, always willing to help. I know that doesn’t immediately pay a light bill or lessen your to do list but it’s a reminder that he has our back. We are down but not destroyed.

Read all of Psalm 118 if you have time, there is some good stuff in there..

Prayer: Father, thank you for the reminder that you have our back and you will meet our needs. Thank that if you are for us who can be against us. Nothing can stop what you put in motion, not even us. Delay is not denial as everything is for our good. I pray we all can sit down with you and tell you what we need. Thank you for always listening, for being emphatic, for being our friend. Thank you for the wins that are on the way. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Independence Day

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It’s July 4th. That is Independence Day in America. Freedom from Great Britain in 1776. Most people didn’t get freedom that day but that isn’t what this post is about.

How free are you? Truly. What shackles are holding you back from being the person God meant you to be? Are you free to be the best version of yourself?

Freedom isn’t just about political independence or the absence of physical chains. It’s also about mental, emotional, and spiritual liberation. Think about the limitations you’ve internalized. Are there fears or doubts that keep you from pursuing your passions? Do you feel confined by others’ expectations, or trapped in a routine that doesn’t fulfill you?

True freedom means breaking those chains. It’s about having the courage to follow your heart, to live authentically, and to strive for personal growth. It’s about forgiving yourself for past mistakes and believing in your capacity for change and improvement. It’s about embracing your unique journey and the person you are becoming.

So, on this day of independence, reflect on your own journey to freedom. Identify what holds you back and take the first steps toward liberation. Surround yourself with people who support your growth, seek opportunities that align with your true self, and remember that freedom is a state of mind as much as a state of being.

As you celebrate today, think about how you can make every day a celebration of your own independence and growth. Break free from the shackles within and step boldly into the life you are meant to live.

Swarmed

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“They swarmed around me like bees; they blazed against me like a crackling fire. But I destroyed them all with the authority of the Lord.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭118‬:‭12‬ ‭NLT‬‬
I had a dream earlier this year that I was getting swarmed by bees. Think Thomas J (Malachi Culkin) in My Girl (1991) (trigger warning if you click the link)

When I woke up I asked God what did this dream mean and he pointed me to Psalm 118:12. I had never paid attention to it, even though I have read it before.  I didn’t think that I was stressed because I was just keeping my head down and getting things down. But if I took a few minutes to think about it, I guess I did know I was stressed. I’ve been overwhelmed by my house for a while. Having two active little boys doesn’t help in keeping the place clean.  I have been doing some research on minimalism and decluttering. In my research I discovered that clutter impacts your mental health. I find that very interesting.

We talked last week about clutter and how I’m moving to get rid of some physical things to improve my mental health. The more I think about it though, I probably need to let go of some internal things to improve my mental health as well.

As I reflect on this, I realize that clutter isn’t just about the physical space around us. Yes, having an organized and minimalistic home can significantly reduce stress and create a sense of calm. But there’s also another layer to consider: the internal clutter. Our minds can become overwhelmed with thoughts, worries, and unresolved emotions, much like our homes can be overwhelmed with physical items.

In my journey towards being minimalist adjacent, I’ve come to understand that letting go of physical clutter is just the beginning. It’s equally important to address the internal clutter that can weigh us down. This includes letting go of negative thoughts, past regrets, and emotional baggage that no longer serves us.

Having two active little boys, my days are often filled with chaos and noise. It can be challenging to find a moment of peace and quiet, let alone maintain a tidy home. But by focusing on decluttering both my physical space and my mind, I hope to create an environment where peace and order can flourish, despite the inevitable messes that come with raising young children.

I’ve found that taking small, intentional steps each day towards decluttering helps significantly. Whether it’s setting aside a few minutes to clear out a drawer, or taking a moment to pray and release any lingering stress, these small actions can make a big difference.

As I continue on this journey, I’m reminded that decluttering is not just about creating a cleaner home, but also about fostering a healthier mind and spirit. By letting go of both physical and internal clutter, I hope to create a space where I can thrive and find joy in the everyday moments and I hope you are able to do the same..

Can we have it all?

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Daily writing prompt
What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?
View all responses

Having it all means you have everything you want in life and there are no gaps. I unfortunately don’t think that you can have it all. There is a quote from Oprah that says you can have it all, but just not all at the same time. I believe this statement more. Everything costs and a person can’t be in more than one place at a time.

What is enough?

I feel like trying to “have it all” you are constantly chasing your tail because it’s never enough. You start making money, you want more money, you buy a nice house, then you want a nicer house, have one kid, folks start rushing you to have another. The goal keeps moving.

I don’t know about you, but I find it very difficult to give 100% at work, 100% to my husband and 100% to my kids, I didn’t add my other roles as a daughter, sister, friend.

I think trying to have it all can lead to burnout and unrealistic expectations.

Redefining “Enough”

Finding peace and contentment involves redefining what “enough” means to you personally. Here are some steps to consider:

  1. Identify Core Values: Determine what truly matters to you. This might include meaningful work, quality time with loved ones, personal growth, or health and well-being. Prioritizing based on your core values can help you allocate your time and energy more effectively.
  2. Set Realistic Goals: Instead of aiming for perfection in every area, set achievable goals that align with your values. Recognize that it’s okay to excel in some areas while maintaining a balance in others.
  3. Practice Gratitude: Regularly reflecting on what you are grateful for can shift your focus from what you lack to what you have. This practice can enhance your sense of contentment and reduce the constant desire for more.
  4. Embrace Imperfection: Accept that you cannot be perfect in all your roles. Allow yourself to be human, make mistakes, and learn from them. This acceptance can reduce stress and increase overall well-being.
  5. Quality Over Quantity: Focus on the quality of your efforts and interactions rather than the quantity. Deep, meaningful connections and achievements often bring more satisfaction than spreading yourself too thin.

“Having it all” might be an elusive goal, but finding a fulfilling balance is achievable. By redefining what “enough” means for you, setting realistic goals, and prioritizing your core values, you can lead a more content and balanced life. Remember, it’s not about achieving perfection in every role but about finding harmony and satisfaction in the journey.

Minimalist adjacent

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Have you ever heard the term “minimalist” and thought it meant getting rid of everything you own and living in an empty room? That was my initial impression too. But as I delved deeper into the concept, I discovered that minimalist living is about intentionally choosing to live with fewer possessions, focusing only on what truly adds value to our lives.

In today’s fast-paced world, clutter seems to be an ever-present issue. Our homes are filled with things we rarely use, and our minds are crowded with distractions. But what if clearing out physical clutter could lead to a clearer mind and a deeper connection with the world around us?

Author and speaker John Mark Comer, in his book “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry,” highlights the importance of creating clear space in our lives. He emphasizes the idea that clutter isn’t just physical—it can also clutter our minds, making it difficult to hear God or connect with our inner selves.

By simplifying our surroundings—whether it’s getting rid of clothes we never wear, toys our kids have outgrown, or clearing out shelves and closets—we can create space for what truly matters. This act of decluttering isn’t just about tidying up our homes; it’s about asking ourselves, “Does this possession add value to my life? “

Minimalism isn’t about deprivation; it’s about abundance—abundance of time, energy, and focus. By resisting the urge to constantly acquire more stuff, we free ourselves from the burden of excessive possessions and gain more time for the things that truly bring us joy and fulfillment.

Moreover, studies have shown a direct link between clutter and anxiety. By decluttering our physical spaces, we can alleviate stress and create a more peaceful environment for ourselves and our families.

Ask yourself, why am I buying these things? What feeling am I chasing?

I will never be a true minimalist. I enjoy shopping too much, but I can do better. I have been trying to not buy anything until I give some things away, that has been working somewhat.

In conclusion, embracing minimalism isn’t about giving up everything we own; it’s about being intentional with what we choose to surround ourselves with. It’s about creating space for what truly matters and finding clarity in a cluttered world. Minimalism is a life long journey, decluttering doesn’t happen overnight. So let’s take a step back, evaluate our possessions, and simplify our lives for a greater sense of peace, purpose, and connection.

Legacy

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What is the legacy you want to leave behind?

The legacy I want to leave behind is one of significance and impact. My pastor talks all the time about being significant vs being successful. Being successful is often about making a lot of money which is cool but I want to also change lives.

I want to leave behind words that will change people, that will inspire and encourage them to be the best version themselves.

I talk about God a lot on my blog and not because I’m some kind of Jesus freak but because I want people to know that to be the best version of themselves they need God to help them.

It’s not about rules and regulations but relationship with Him.

I hope my legacy is one of empowerment and growth, instilling confidence in people and leading them to God or back to him in a way that seems accessible in folks everyday lives.

I want my legacy to show people that if I can achieve my dreams, then they can too. It’s about knowing that with faith, determination, and the right mindset, anything is possible. My journey hasn’t been easy, but through the highs and lows, my faith has kept me grounded and driven.

Ultimately, I want my life to be a testament to the transformative power of faith and perseverance. I want people to see that true significance comes from positively impacting the lives of others, and that success is not just measured by what we gain, but by what we give. My hope is that through my words and actions, I can leave a lasting legacy that reflects the love, grace, and strength that comes from a life lived with purpose and faith.

Focus on your strengths

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“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139‬:‭23‬-‭24‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I asked God to do this for me as I was working through and trying to find peace. I focus so heavy on fixing my weaknesses and wanting to be better. If I can work on those then I will be better. That isn’t true though and it wasn’t what God wanted me to do. When I asked him to point out anything in me that offends him.
He said: why do you keep trying to improve on the model that I made?

It’s a fair question and one I hadn’t considered before. If I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Why do I need to fix myself?  There isn’t anything wrong with me. God gave me this verse and it makes a lot of sense.

You have tested my thoughts and examined my heart in the night. You have scrutinized me and found nothing wrong. I am determined not to sin in what I say.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭17‬:‭3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I like it. From this point forward I’m going to work on building my strengths instead of fixing my weaknesses. As I build on my strengths my weaknesses will have no choice but to get better. Plus focusing on strengths lead with compassion and I don’t always do that with myself. If God can find nothing wrong with me who am I to tell him he’s wrong.

List 3 things you do well. How can you build on those strengths?

Prayer: Father as we work to get better, help us change our mindset. Continue to renew our minds as we fight not to believe the devils lies. Remind us we were made in your image and you make no mistakes. You work everything out for our good because we believe in you. Thank you for clarity and new perspectives. In Jesus name. Amen.