HaileyPaigeMagee who is basically my IG therapist (LOL) is putting out great content about breaking people pleasing. One thing she said was
In order to break the people-pleasing pattern, we must learn how to sit with discomfort instead of reacting to it, including:
The discomfort of others being unhappy with us
The discomfort of letting others handle their own problems instead of rushing in to fix them
The discomfort of having difficult, honest conversations about our needs and boundaries
The discomfort that comes when we realize that others’ happiness isn’t our responsibility, but our own happiness is.
This was revoluntary for me because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone but realizing that adults could be disappointed and that was ok ,was big for me. That they would still like me, that they wouldn’t stop talking to me was big. I still struggle with this one, but I have gotten much better.
I still struggle with the discomfort of having difficult conversations, I don’t want to make people feel bad.I also don’t want to give negative feedback but sometimes people don’t realize how they are coming across and since they asked we should tell them.
I had to realize what was mine to hold and what I had to let go of.
Its interesting that I was more worried about disappointing other people than I was in disappointing myself.
Hailey says to recognize if you are people pleasing, do your insides match your outsides? Do you feel happy or do you feel anxious and resentful? I would take it a step further and ask how did you feel when it was over, do you feel warm and fuzzy or are you now going over all the things you said in your head. That probably isn’t the place you should be.
Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.” Romans 8:5-6 NLT
This verse is about your thought life. What dominates your thoughts , what controls your mind. I also read this verse and thought sinful things Paul most be talking about bad stuff, you know the 10 commandment type stuff. However reading it again I don’t think that’s true. The definition of sin means to miss the mark. That sounds ambiguous but if Jesus is our mark anything we do that takes us away from that target is sin.
I’m talking about the sins of worry and stress. If you are constantly worried and stressed you are not pleasing God. God tells us over and over give our worries to him.
I’ve let my sinful nature take over before. Constantly worried about a project at work. When I do that I take my eyes off God and put them on my problem. It was all I would talk about, think about. I read my Bible but I wasn’t focused. My stomach hurt, I was mean and cranky. I might not have been physically dying but I was spiritually dying. I didn’t have much of a life because I was focused on this one thing.
Once I decided to take my eyes off my problem and back on God I was given some help and found a solution. I let the spirit lead me instead of my stress and I did feel peace but it was roller coaster trying to get there. Choose prayer first.
Make a list of what you’re worried about this week big or small and ask God to help you with these problems. Also talk to a trusted friend or prayer partner. They may be able to help you with your problem. Holding it in, is not helping you.
”Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.“
Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV
There’s are a few different versions of this verse but I like this one because it says we are not consumed because his compassion’s never fail.
Consume in the Hebrew means devour. What is devouring you right now? Is it work? Is it home? Family? Friendships? Anxiety? Stress?
Because God is compassionate nothing can overtake us or devour us. One bad day doesn’t make a bad week. One bad conversation doesn’t make for a bad relationship. Because of his new mercies we can begin each new day with fresh perspective. I know it can be hard to get over a hurt and keep replaying it in your mind but you don’t have to.
Each day is a new opportunity to begin again.
God is not walking around holding on to that hurt, anger, sadness and we don’t have to either.
I’m not saying if someone hurt you it’s instant relief but remembering that you can start the next interaction fresh may be helpful to you.
New mercies count for everything not just for days but bad conversations, hurt feelings, bad choices, regrets, etc
Before you decide to hold on to bad feelings, bad decisions, regret, guilt, grudges, etc remember that Gods
mercies are new every morning.
Are you holding on to something and you need to let go?
Prayer: Father help us not hold on to things we don’t need to. You say give you our burdens and you will give us rest. Thank you that we don’t have to hold on to anything but you. Thank you we are not devoured or consumed and that we have the ability to start fresh.
”My enemies did their best to kill me, but the Lord rescued me.“
Psalms 118:13 NLT
Your enemies are doing their best right now to destroy you but don’t let them. Don’t let the enemy doubt make you forget what God can do. Don’t let the enemy fear make you forget that you can do anything with Christ Jesus. Don’t let the enemy of overwhelmed make you forget that while things and obligations may be surrounding you, you can overcome them all by the authority of the Lord. Don’t let the enemy of insecurity make you forget that you were made in Gods image so you are mighty and strong.
God wants us to be successful. I recently read in Dr. Phillips book, Tending the Garden Within, to ask God for what we needed. I challenge you to do that now. I asked God for a win and he gave me one! Just yesterday. He is always listening, always ready to step in, always willing to help. I know that doesn’t immediately pay a light bill or lessen your to do list but it’s a reminder that he has our back. We are down but not destroyed.
Read all of Psalm 118 if you have time, there is some good stuff in there..
Prayer: Father, thank you for the reminder that you have our back and you will meet our needs. Thank that if you are for us who can be against us. Nothing can stop what you put in motion, not even us. Delay is not denial as everything is for our good. I pray we all can sit down with you and tell you what we need. Thank you for always listening, for being emphatic, for being our friend. Thank you for the wins that are on the way. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
“They swarmed around me like bees; they blazed against me like a crackling fire. But I destroyed them all with the authority of the Lord.” Psalms 118:12 NLT
I had a dream earlier this year that I was getting swarmed by bees. Think Thomas J (Malachi Culkin) in My Girl (1991) (trigger warning if you click the link)
When I woke up I asked God what did this dream mean and he pointed me to Psalm 118:12. I had never paid attention to it, even though I have read it before. I didn’t think that I was stressed because I was just keeping my head down and getting things down. But if I took a few minutes to think about it, I guess I did know I was stressed. I’ve been overwhelmed by my house for a while. Having two active little boys doesn’t help in keeping the place clean. I have been doing some research on minimalism and decluttering. In my research I discovered that clutter impacts your mental health. I find that very interesting.
We talked last week about clutter and how I’m moving to get rid of some physical things to improve my mental health. The more I think about it though, I probably need to let go of some internal things to improve my mental health as well.
As I reflect on this, I realize that clutter isn’t just about the physical space around us. Yes, having an organized and minimalistic home can significantly reduce stress and create a sense of calm. But there’s also another layer to consider: the internal clutter. Our minds can become overwhelmed with thoughts, worries, and unresolved emotions, much like our homes can be overwhelmed with physical items.
In my journey towards being minimalist adjacent, I’ve come to understand that letting go of physical clutter is just the beginning. It’s equally important to address the internal clutter that can weigh us down. This includes letting go of negative thoughts, past regrets, and emotional baggage that no longer serves us.
Having two active little boys, my days are often filled with chaos and noise. It can be challenging to find a moment of peace and quiet, let alone maintain a tidy home. But by focusing on decluttering both my physical space and my mind, I hope to create an environment where peace and order can flourish, despite the inevitable messes that come with raising young children.
I’ve found that taking small, intentional steps each day towards decluttering helps significantly. Whether it’s setting aside a few minutes to clear out a drawer, or taking a moment to pray and release any lingering stress, these small actions can make a big difference.
As I continue on this journey, I’m reminded that decluttering is not just about creating a cleaner home, but also about fostering a healthier mind and spirit. By letting go of both physical and internal clutter, I hope to create a space where I can thrive and find joy in the everyday moments and I hope you are able to do the same..
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”
Psalms 139:23-24 NLT
I asked God to do this for me as I was working through and trying to find peace. I focus so heavy on fixing my weaknesses and wanting to be better. If I can work on those then I will be better. That isn’t true though and it wasn’t what God wanted me to do. When I asked him to point out anything in me that offends him. He said: why do you keep trying to improve on the model that I made?
It’s a fair question and one I hadn’t considered before. If I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Why do I need to fix myself? There isn’t anything wrong with me. God gave me this verse and it makes a lot of sense.
You have tested my thoughts and examined my heart in the night. You have scrutinized me and found nothing wrong. I am determined not to sin in what I say.”
Psalms 17:3 NLT
I like it. From this point forward I’m going to work on building my strengths instead of fixing my weaknesses. As I build on my strengths my weaknesses will have no choice but to get better. Plus focusing on strengths lead with compassion and I don’t always do that with myself. If God can find nothing wrong with me who am I to tell him he’s wrong.
List 3 things you do well. How can you build on those strengths?
Prayer: Father as we work to get better, help us change our mindset. Continue to renew our minds as we fight not to believe the devils lies. Remind us we were made in your image and you make no mistakes. You work everything out for our good because we believe in you. Thank you for clarity and new perspectives. In Jesus name. Amen.
Then Jesus said to the disciples, “Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours.“ Mark 11:22-24
Do you? What are you asking God for, a relationship, a job, a business plan, a book? Do you truly believe that he will help you or are you allowing past experiences to color your experience with God? Has God ever not come through? I know I’ve been disappointed by some of His decisions. However I could see the good in them. I know his no was for my protection. I know God isn’t setting me up to fail and I know he won’t play me.
Who are you going to believe? Your doubts and circumstances? Or are you going to believe the One that cannot fail? We talked about telling God what you need. Have you asked him to increase your faith? Ask him to help you in your unbelief. He doesn’t get angry when we do that.
Prayer: Father I pray for all of us who struggle to believe your promises. I pray that you help us in our unbelief. Help us wait on you and trust tour timing. Help us remember everything is for our good because you love us. Remind us there is a time for everything and hard seasons don’t last. Please lighten our load so we can focus on you. We thank you for having good plans for us and wanting us to prosper. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through? Numbers 23:19 NLT
What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.” The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief! Mark 9:23-24 NLT
The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.”
Psalms 28:7 NLT
What brings you joy? What gives you strength? In what do you put your trust?
As we talk about joy this week I want you to think about these questions. Write down 50 things that bring you joy, big or small. A few of mine are hot baths, fuzzy socks and reading .
The psalmist is saying he has joy because the Lord is strength and his shield. Strength in giving him power to get things done and shield by giving him protection. God helps him so he is filled with joy.
Joy-feeling of great pleasure and happiness (Webster definition) but biblically it’s bigger than that.
That’s why the psalmist can be so hopeful. God is giving him strength, he is protecting him and helping him. Joy can certainly be found in external things like hot baths and fuzzy socks. However long lasting joy comes from the Lord.
It can be hard to have joy when everything feels like a dumpster fire. In those moments you can pull up your verses on joy and let it work down in your spirit. You can also remember all the reasons you have to be thankful. List all the ways the Lord has blessed you this month.
Prayer: Father remind them that joy comes from you, not their circumstances. Help them recall their many blessings and how even when things weren’t going in the way they expected, you were there walking beside them. Help them trust you even when they can’t see all the steps. Thank you for walking beside us so that we can have joy each day.
Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.”
Romans 12:12 NLT
You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.
Psalms 16:11 NLT
I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul.
Hello! This has been a long time coming. So much life has happened since I made my last post 10 months ago. It’s like I had a new birth of myself. One version of me had to die for this new version to be birthed.
I went back and looked at some of my old posts and they were dark. The interesting thing is that I don’t remember what was bothering me last September or what that was referencing. I was still on maternity leave but who knows.
Going from 1-2 kids was a huge transition. Shout out to all the moms cause whew this is hard work! I used to want three. Yea right! I don’t know how we would have managed that.
I’ve been working on some of the things we talked about, self care and positive self talk, perfectionism and over thinking.
I’ve discovered new things I’m interested in like minimalism. More on that later. I’ve been fine tuning my writing and listening to the LORD’s promptings. I read 100 books last year. Only 12 were non fiction so I’m trying to increase it that number this year.
I’m trying to be more vulnerable and I’m learning that it actually works when you do it.
I’m working on showing myself more compassion and realizing that I can’t solve everyone’s problems.
Im working on the mom wife balance. I don’t want to just be a good mom but a good wife too. We’ll get more into some marriage stuff later on as well.
Writing/blogging has always been on my heart and I’ve missed it but I had to get back to it in my own time in my own way.
I’m excited for what the second half of the year is going to bring and what I will share with you. Come check me out when you have some time.
Until next time, Dominique
What I’ve been busy doing when I’m not writing. My family. Jesse, LJ, and James.
I originally wrote this post September 10, 2022. It seems appropriate to post now that my youngest is now 1.
I have (mostly) let perfectionism go. When I had my older son I was still all about making sure my house was clean as possible, that I always looked presentable, that the baby looked presentable. This time around all that is out the window. My in laws came to see the baby and I ran out of time to clean everything, welp you get what you get.
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Babies arent as delicate as you think. This younger one is definitely not being treated with kid gloves like the older one was. He’s good lol
It really is easier the second time. Having the gift of experience did wonders for my anxiety.
People will help if you ask them but you gotta be specific. We’ll talk about this more but telling people exactly what we needed has made a big difference.
Take the time you need. Your partner surely will.
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Mom guilt is 2x stronger. I often feel like there is only so much of me to go around and everyone wants a piece. How do I combat that? Honestly I’m still figuring it out.
You can do hard things. Im breastfeeding this time and it has been going a lot better. Last time was so difficult and I gave up too soon. This time even though he didnt latch in the hospital, I decided to try again once we had been home about a week. He latched! I was so surprised. We just kept working at and we have been more successful.
Trust the process. I used this with breastfeeding. If you have breastfed or seen it happen you know can’t tell how much the baby is getting. When I was pumping before he latched I knew exactly how much he was getting. Now that its straight from the tap its harder to tell. I know there are signs to look out for but that doesn’t really help in the moment. For now I will take it one feed at a time.
Take things one day at a time. I’m a planner by nature and I had all these lists that I wanted to get done while I’m on maternity. I felt better this time sooner so I wanted to be productive. Nope! Keeping this baby alive is all the productivity I need for a while.
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Don’t forget your partner. Now that I have two children, my marriage ended up taking a back seat. My baby is one year and my husband and I went a long time this year without any real dates or consistent quality time. We had to have some hard conversations before we really started being intentional with one another again. Its easy to forget him, not because he isn’t great, but because I am trying to make sure that everything is done well and these kids are still alive, I don’t always prioritize the other adult here. That’s not fair to him. We will definitely talk about this more because its a work in progress.
The jump from 1 to 2 was crazy. I used to want three kids. What was I thinking?! I know people who have 3 or more kids so it can certainly be done. But having those kids out number adults just seems so hard to me. Now that I have two, I’m good. Now that my baby is 1 its easier, but when he was fresh, it was a lot of work.
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Don’t forget the self care. I am the first to admit I didn’t do well with self care this year. I know better. I haven’t read as many books, or had my quiet time, or written like I like too. But I will, I have the second half of the year to clean it up and I have started to. I got a massage, took myself to dinner, spent time with friends. I am getting there.
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You can do things a different way. My quiet time doesn’t look the same and hanging out with my girlfriends doesn’t look the same but that’s ok. As long as its happening, that is what counts.
Remember while you are being a mom, that you are also a wife, a friend, a daughter. I have the two children that I prayed for and it hasn’t always been easy but I wouldn’t change anything. Being a mom is the most rewarding and challenging thing I have ever done. Don’t lose yourself in your children, that’s not doing anybody any good.
Are you mom of 2 or more? Any advice or tips? Are you thinking about having more than one kid? Lets chat in the comments.
Always finding the silver lining 