Category Archives: writing

Moving through grief

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I wrote this post in August 2022

I started and stopped this post several times, but this time I finally finished. I’m sharing this so you may have some insight in why I have been so sporadic in my posting over the last few years.

Grief is such a hard emotion to process. It was especially hard for me to process because I had no experience. I have never lost anyone before who wasn’t old. Losing those people was hard but I found solace in the fact that they lived long lives and it was time for them to go home.

I have suffered two loses in 2021 and 2022, less than a 6 months apart and it has been difficult. My favorite uncle passed away right before my birthday unexpectedly. It was awful. I can’t even drive to my hometown without thinking about him. ( this has gotten better) He taught me how to drive. I think about him randomly all the time. I didn’t even manage to get through this post without crying and I hate crying. (Didn’t make it this time either lol)

My mother in law passed away when she was young. I was even younger and she was the first, “young” person I knew that had passed away. I wasn’t caught in my own grief though I had to help my husband in all the practical ways that come when someone dies. She died in November and I don’t think I felt the pain of her death until her birthday in February, which was months later. It will be ten years this year and sometimes it still feels like it just happened.

I tried to write this months ago but I couldn’t. It’s wild because in the time it took me to stop and start this another one of uncles passed away. He was sick but I know plenty of people who have cancer and get better right? He didn’t. We went from a family of 4, down to 2 in 5 months.

I didn’t think I had the right to be sad, not like my mother who lost 2 of her older brothers or my brother who lost the only father figure he knew. Or my grandma who lost 2 kids back to back. But we had our own special relationship too and that should honored. Its so hard losing someone in pandemic times. Everyone is losing or lost someone. I didn’t want to burden anyone because it’s been hard on everybody. I feel better now. Mostly. (Even better now)

I haven’t really been able to write and I was wondering why? It has been a very hard year. Some ups but it feels like a lot of downs. Through all of this I have been grateful because God has kept me.

I try to write posts that are informational or encouraging or motivating but today I dont have any of that. I will say if you are grieving you will eventually feel better. (I do feel better)

Daily writing prompt

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Daily writing prompt
Describe one habit that brings you joy.
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One habit that brings me joy is my daily quiet time with God. There are not many things that will make me miss that time. I get to pour my heart out, whether things are going good or bad I know that talking to God will help me feel better. During this time, I journal, I read scriptures, I pray. The beautiful thing is that it doesn’t have to be a long time. It doesn’t have to be anything profound. I ask God to help me get through the day, I tell him what I am worried or stressed about, I give my day to him. He always listens and rarely interrupts. He is my bestfriend. Since we speak so often I know his voice and when I have questions he always answers. He may not give me the answer I want, but he rarely leaves me on read. lol. When I don’t have the time to make my appointment with God, I just don’t feel 100% but the awesome thing about God is that because he is always with me, I can talk to him anytime. Joy is a gift, a fruit of the spirit, but it also something we cultivate. We help it grow by our actions or we diminish it with our actions. Seek out things that bring you joy, it will help you feel good through out your days.

I’m back

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Hey friends! Its been a while. Much longer than I ever thought I would go without writing a post but a lot of life has happened since my last post 9 months ago…. I had a baby boy!

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For those of you that have been here from the beginning the fact that I can say I have two kids is simply amazing. Five years ago I didn’t think I could have one. God truly does twice the work in half the time.

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My new little boy has been such a pleasure. This year has been one of the hardest I’ve had in a long time. I lost not only the motivation to write but the inspiration.

What inspires me? Typically any and everything. Pop culture, sermons, podcasts, conversations with friends. None of it was doing it for me this time. It doesn’t help that church is still virtual even though its back in person.

I also lost my favorite uncle, and another one less than 6 months later, everyone in my family had Covid and this pregnancy while producing a healthy infant, was much harder this time. That’s just to name a few things that happened… It all got to be too much.

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I love writing. But its also work and I just didnt have it in me to do any more work. You know how you haven’t talked to someone in long time and its gets harder and harder to call them and eventually you’re like, well, out of sight, out of mind.

Thats how it was with writing, although it doesnt really work that way. Writing has always been in the background hovering, waiting patiently for me to get myself together.

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Well I’m back. I think I’ve been on break long enough. I need to do some more self care and writing is one of them. I hope I can persuade you to come back and keep reading.

You’ll definitely notice some changes, one thing I’ve learned while being away is the continued desire to be 100 all the time. I was worried before about how people would perceive what I had to say but now I dont really care anymore. Love me or leave me alone.

Until next time,

Dominique

200th post

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I have reached 200 posts! I am so excited. When I started this blog in 2017, I would have never thought I would reach 200 posts. I did. It was hard, scary, fun, nerve wrecking, I could go on and on but I loved it. Writing is something I always enjoyed since I was a kid but I didn’t know how I was going to pursue that as an adult. It was a dream, I put on a shelf. I am glad that I finally had the courage to pursue my dream and see where it could take me.

I have not had a year since this blog has been in existence that I have a post every month. I posted the second half of 2020. I only did a few posts in 2019 ( I was pregnant and had a baby). 2018 was my best year, 111 posts but I don’t think I posted every month. I don’t typically make resolutions but this year I will. Posting every month is a goal I am setting for myself this year.

I thank each and every one of you for your support. It makes me feel good that the words of my heart are able to impact so many people. People from all over the world read what I write and I am greatly honored by that.

I am excited to see where my writing will take me in 2021 especially because I am starting to take it more seriously.

I appreciate you all,

Dominique

WordPress Help 2.0

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I’m sorry I don’t have a post with fresh new content. WordPress updated its editing on how you post and I don’t know how to use it. I usually use WordPress on my phone, until the day of posting. I write the posts on my phone in my notes app and then I just share them to WordPress. I do the editing on my computer, adding the pictures, gifs, any final thoughts etc.

Think of how I was surprised I was to trying to edit a post this morning, like what is going on. I don’t even know how to add pictures anymore. (Update: I figured this out.)

I was going to try to push through, because you know…perfectionism. I’m not though.

I am going to admit, I don’t know how to do this and hopefully some of my fellow bloggers reading this will offer me some assistance.

I just figured out how to do this fancy quote thing. Definitely will be using ALL.OF.THE.TIME.

I still don’t know how to add links, but I’m figuring it out. I don’t have the time right now to play around with this but by next week, I will be back with fresh new content.

I appreciate your grace,

Dominique

PS- So after playing around with it more, I actually do like it, its just a lot and its going to take me some time to get used to all of it.

How are you using your time?

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For the month of July I have only been working 15 hours a week so you would thought I would have a lot more time to get things done. Not!

The days seem to go by so fast and I’m chasing down a burgeoning toddler so I really need to use my time wisely. I don’t however. I’m off today so you would think I would have been able to accomplish a lot. I didn’t.

When I wasn’t chasing my son down or keeping him from falling off something I essentially scrolled through Instagram. Not a good look.

I watched a video in my leadership class from this movie with Justin Timberlake in the movie In Time.  Here is a summary but watch the clip. The visual is crazy. Time is currency and he is trying to meet up with his mom. His mom doesn’t have enough time so they are within fingertips of each other but she doesn’t make it. She runs out of time.

The facilitator then asked us, what if the mom was your dream?

Shook! 

shocked GIF

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So much time has been wasted on frivolous things, on things that don’t matter. When I think about how much writing and research I could get done when I’m just sitting watching the Disney Channel or scrolling through IG, I know I have work to do. I know we all can do better. Or if you already are using your time wisely, tell us how. I think it goes back to be intentional about keeping commitments to yourself. 

Having accountability partners.  A friend and I had this conversation a while ago about being more productive with free time and I told her how I’m going through all the screenshots on my phone and putting them in folders so I can find them quickly when I need them.

Great idea 💡. When is the last time I did that? We probably had that conversation a month ago or longer. I decided to do it today since I clearly was just sitting here. I didn’t like it much though. It was boring and tedious. I have over a 1000 screenshots on my phone. Its going to take me forever to sort through them all.

Is there an app for that?

UPDATE: I did discover that I can tag the pictures and put them in different categories then I can search when I need them later. Super helpful.

Use your time wisely. With us STILL being in at home its easy to just waste time because all the days seem the same. Don’t do it! Try anyway to push through. Time feels infinite but its not. We aren’t behind. However we could probably be doing more. 

Don’t just chase your dreams, do the work to catch them.

 

Going off the beaten path

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Now that quarantine is over

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I am in an interesting space as we come out of strict quarantine and summer is upon us. Summer definitely looks different with COVID-19 and protesting happening all across the country. I saw tons of memes on my social media about if you didn’t come out quarantine having accomplished something then you were just lazy. I just don’t believe that to be true. Thankfully someone agreed because they changed it. This one makes a lot more sense.

lacked discpline reddit

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If I am being honest. I have not completed a ton of projects in the 2 months that we were forced to stay. Posting again was one of the things I wanted to accomplish, so Yay me! for getting that done.

I just felt really stuck with not working in the traditional sense, and my baby and husband being here and the days rolling together.

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I had been feeling really off spiritually for a while, and that’s another thing that quarantine helped me get on track. I have attended more Sunday school and bible study than I ever would have if we were not in quarantine.

I felt bad though. I was spending too much time on Hulu, social media and reading books. I was having a mini vacation from the world and seeing other people have something tangible to show for their quarantine efforts really bothered me.

In my noon day bible study that I go to, she told us to go back and read your old journals to see where God has brought you from. It wasn’t really a pleasant experience, like I see God answering prayers but I also see a lot of heartache. I also decided to go back and read some of my old blog posts. There are over a 100 so it was more a skim, but I came across this one. Its one of the first posts I did and it talks about the name I picked for the blog. That was three years ago and I am still having this same problem. I talk about being stuck in research mode instead of just taking the leap and doing the thing you said you were going to do.

I sat down about 6 weeks ago and laid out my plan of my hearts desires. I asked God to be with me in those plans because there a lot of things my heart desires. After I wrote them down and prayed some more I put dates that I wanted to accomplish them. I continued to pray about those things in my quiet time until my Pastor preached a sermon on fear. Click the link. It’s really good you should watch it. It had a lot of great points but the one that stuck with me is we need to quit praying and move! I felt like God had slapped me, like, Hey, I’m talking to you! All this research and worrying, you are not going to get anything done. Just do it!

Then I had a conversation with my friends one Sunday after a nature walk (more on that in a later post) about pursing your passions and how much people pay for content, how to get things done and my mind was blown. I left so inspired! So ready to hit the ground running.

My next few posts will be about pursuing your passions and how to ensure you accomplish the goals you set. Stay tuned!

p.s-COVID-19 is still a thing, wear a mask.

 

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This may have been in March but its still relevant. 

10 things I’ve learned since becoming a mother

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1. Empathy- no one helps. People literally watch you struggle. I never noticed this before. Being a mom has shown me how to express feelings outside of myself and better understand other people’s emotions.

2. Patience- with myself, family, friends, the baby, its crazy. Patience was a big lesson I needed to learn. If I would have become a mother earlier in my life I wouldn’t have gained this skill set. Listening to babies cry or throw their bottle at you, patience is what you need.

3. Dont compare- to my old self, to my husband, to other moms, nobody. I thought the biggest comparison would be to other moms but I was definitely wrong on that. More on this in another post.

4. Be humble. Motherhood is nothing like I expected. I didnt have a ton of expectations but what I thought I knew I definitely was wrong. You can’t find all the answers on Google. It’s easy to sit on the sidelines and judge what you would do when it isn’t your kid but having a kid of your own changes things.

5. I can do more on less sleep than I thought. So little sleep. Its insane. I used to love taking a nap but now I just do without. Nap when the baby naps is really a lie. Lol

6. It’s ok to say I dont know what I’m doing or admit I messed up. Once I started talking to people about my feelings I realised I wasn’t the only person going through that or thought that way. Moms are expected to have all the answers and that’s just not the case. Lots of things are intuitive but not everything and it was nice to admit that.

7. I have to be intentional about my self care. Writing, alone time, spending time with my friends, all of it has to be intentional or it won’t happen. I hate to admit but I’m better about spending time with my friends than with myself sometimes.

8. Water truly does a body good. I have heard this but I never tested it out myself until I was pregnant and after. The rumours are true. I had to drink it when I was pregnant and the results were great. I’m trying to get back to that space.

9. I will receive tons of unsolicited advice and opinions. I most often bite my tongue. Ive gotten much better about this than when he was first born. People are just trying to help. Their intentions are good. More on this in another post.

10. Everything has changed. I am ok with that. I have been trying so hard to be the person I was before but that girl is gone. A new better person is emerging.

I am stronger than I think I am.

My son just turned one. The hardest thing to put into practice is the self care. Its so easy to put yourself on the back burner when you have a kid.

I can expand on just about everything on this list. So much of this can be unpacked. I will in the upcoming months.

Black lives matter

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O our God, won’t you stop them? We are powerless against this mighty army that is about to attack us. We do not know what to do, but we are looking to you for help.” 2 Chronicles 20:12 NLT https://bible.com/bible/116/2ch.20.12.NLT When I read this verse I immediately thought of Black Lives Matter. I don’t typically get political or overly racial because I want everyone to feel comfortable when they come to my page. The Lord doesn’t see color but we all do. I am not trying to offend anyone and if you are offended you should ask yourself why. Black people are up against a powerful army that is steadily killing us and it is racism. As protests break out across the country we need everyone to join together to fight for justice. We dont all need to protest but we all can do something.

The prayers of the righteous are powerful and effective, but as my pastor says put feet on those prayers. Donations are an excellent way to assist without having to be on the front lines.


As all this civil unrest happens ask yourself what can I do? What role do I play as history is being made? What skills has God placed in me that I can use for the betterment of others?

Talk to your friends, family and church members about racism. People try to hide their racism behind biblical rhetoric. Don’t let them. Don’t let people tell you they are color blind. That’s not good either! There is nothing wrong with seeing color, just respect people’s differences. Its ok for us to be different. God made each of us unique.

We each need to ask God how can we contribute to making the world a better. How are you helping in your community? At your church? At your job? Racial conversations can be uncomfortable but we are called by God to be better, to be examples, to be leaders. You may be the only example that someone sees. Don’t feel discouraged if you dont think your message was recieved. We are in the seed planting business, God reaps the harvest. In other words we are not responsible for the consequences only to give the information. So I implore you…

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.
Romans 12:9 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/rom.12.9.NLT

Action steps and resources

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/09/color-blindness-is-counterproductive/405037/

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/support-the-black-lives-matter-movement

https://www.ted.com/playlists/250/talks_to_help_you_understand_r?utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=social&utm_term=social-justice&utm_content=later-7575732