I pray that you are able to receive the best gifts of all this Christmas. These are gifts from God and cannot be taken away. Gifts of joy, peace, love and grace. I hope your day is great. Enjoy!
Love,
Dominique
Humility
No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8 NLT
The word I’m focusing on this week is humility. I’ve talked about humility here before and it’s not something I’m great at. I’m not great at being humble because I don’t do a lot of things I’m not naturally good so it feels like its all me, but it isn’t. God gave me these skills and gifts so if I’m good its because of him not me. When I read this verse what stuck out to me was walk with the Lord.
The non humble person wants to get out ahead of God because they think they have the best plan. Do you come up with a plan and then ask God to bless it after? Doesn’t seem like a big deal but that’s not humility. We talked about being a perfectionist last week. That’s not being humble either. If I’m walking alongside the Lord, I don’t think I have all the answers or everything depends on my abilities. He wants us along side him for a reason so that he can step in when we need him to, so we can make sure we don’t get ahead of him, so that we can actively engage him in our plans.
Humility can be hard. Its having to admit that I don’t have it all together, that I mess up. Humility is being vulnerable. Nobody likes being vulnerable. I don’t anyway. But the benefits to being humble far outweigh the discomfort of being vulnerable.
Prayer: Lord we ask you to help us be more humble as we move into the new year. Help us as we are making our goals for 2021 remind us to talk to you first. Where do you see us going? What gifts and talents do you want us to use? What lessons do you want us to learn? How do we need to humble ourselves before you? Remove any obstacle that may be standing in the way of our being humble and submitting to you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
Recovering perfectionist
God arms me with strength, and he makes my way perfect. Psalms 18:32 NLT
You, therefore, will be perfect [growing into spiritual maturity both in mind and character, actively integrating godly values into your daily life], as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48 AMP
You will keep in perfect and constant peace the one whose mind is steadfast [that is, committed and focused on You—in both inclination and character], Because he trusts and takes refuge in You [with hope and confident expectation]. Isaiah 26:3 AMP
Jesus answered him, “If you wish to be perfect [that is, have the spiritual maturity that accompanies godly character with no moral or ethical deficiencies], go and sell what you have and give [the money] to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me [becoming My disciple, believing and trusting in Me and walking the same path of life that I walk].” Matthew 19:21 AMP
This is four different ways that God looks at being perfect. None of them say never making mistakes, not giving yourself grace, procrastinating because if every thing isn’t just right you won’t do it.
It says make my way perfect which means guide me, show me, take the lead. It says integrating godly values into your day to day life. Are you integrating Godly values? The only perfection that God wants us to have is perfection in character. He want us to be spiritually mature. That doesn’t mean knowing all the answers or making everything just right. Being spiritually mature means you are leaning on God for support. It is recognizing he is in control. It is being humble and allowing him to guide your steps, not you making all the decisions.
These are the things we should be striving towards. Being perfect is all about being in control, not asking for help, not showing weakness but God wants us to want him. He doesn’t expect us to do things on our own.
Perfectionism smacked me in the face this week. There is a reason that that people say God laughs at our plans. My perfectly laid plans just blew up in my face.
I was trying to take family photos for Christmas and my son did not want to cooperate. At. All. I was so mad, all that work, I did for nothing. But in the long run does it matter? No. He is a toddler in the making. We will have opportunities to take pictures again. I was more concerned about what picture will we send out for Christmas cards and what will I put on my Facebook page
Perfection is definitely more worried about what others will think than what God will think. Worrying about the opinion of others will be our downfall every time.
The holidays can be a time were perfectionism rears its ugly head. There is a lot of pressure that comes with Christmas, perfectly clean houses, perfectly dressed children, perfect decor, table settings etc. Don’t drive yourself crazy trying to get it all done. Its not necessary.
I told my friend the other day, I am letting go of perfectionism. I am not taking it into 2021 because it doesn’t serve me. It doesn’t serve you either. All it does it make us more anxious and feel judged. I am over it! The only perfection I am striving for is humility.
When perfection rears its ugly head, ask yourself these questions:
Is it necessary? Will this matter in the long run? Am I more worried about peoples opinions?
Productivity is the thief of joy*
I make this statement tongue in cheek but follow my logic here.
I say this because on one hand productivity is great. We were made to get stuff done, not lay around all the time surfing Netflix and Instagram. On the other hand the constant need to be producing and getting stuff done can be a hinderance. Its a hinderance to rest, to enjoying the Sabbath, to enjoying your family and friends.
Last week was the first week in 6 months that I didn’t post at least one blog post. The work week I had was insane! Insane. I had a massive project that I needed to finish and I only had a week to get it done. So every night I was working late making sure everything was going to be complete by the deadline. It was! I finished with a little bit of time to spare. Unfortunately that spare time didn’t go to the blog. I need to celebrate the small win. Win: I set a goal back in June to post everyday and I was able to exceed that goal. That’s a good thing. I’m going to silence my inner critic. I’m going to give myself some grace for not meeting my goal this week and move on.
I talked about rest a few weeks ago. Toxic productivity knows nothing about rest. How often do you push yourself to get something done? How often do you feel that this thing just can’t wait? Do you enjoy your days off or are you rushing to complete to-do list items? A day off should be a day off. Even the Lord rested one day of the week and He certainly didn’t have to do.
Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done. Genesis 2:1-3
Being a creative and this concept of always producing, always putting out content, it makes the work more difficult. I want to make sure what I give to you is the best of me every time. Not perfect, but my best. That sometimes gets lost in translation, in trying to hit goals, deadlines, get more followers, sell more product or this urge to get stuff done.
As we get close to the end of the year think about this: Did you spend more time producing or enjoying? Is there a way to do both? Do you believe you get enough rest? If not, this is the time to make those adjustments so you can go in the new year with a new habit in place.
Its on your street
Have you ever heard this saying before? I have only heard it in the church setting, it essentially means when people around you are being blessed then your blessing can’t be too far away.
Part of me believes that and part of me doesn’t. You all know I have known so many pregnant people in the last few years and I haven’t had a whiff of being pregnant. So I’m not sure. I was talking to someone at work and he reminded me of this concept.
He said I should be blessed to be around so many people who have the direct hand of God on their lives. I never thought about it that way. I guess I was looking at it from a victim perspective. Maybe not a victim but definitely selfish, like, look at all those people getting blessed and not me.
I know so many people, myself included who feel like when other people are being blessed that they need to “catch up”.
How do you do that exactly? There really isn’t anyway you can do that. I used to think that whenever someone lapped me with a baby who hadn’t been married as long as I have, like sheesh I really need to get to work now, like that makes any difference. Not! Everything happens when it is supposed. We know that, its just easier said than done when you are in the midst.
I wrote those words a few years ago ironically a few months before I found out I was pregnant.
Now that I have had more time to think about it I do believe that its true. It’s God giving us another sign of Hope.
Its like he is saying hey I haven’t forgotten about you. I know its confusing to see people around you getting the things you want. Its confusing being happy for them and sad for yourself. You don’t have to stay in that space. You can look at it as God was just sending me a reminder that my turn is coming.
I’ve had that happen to me a few times. We have to trust God at his word. You’re waiting anyway so why not have a better mindset about it.
I know this way of thinking sounds bogus. Somebody else being blessed is supposed to make me happy when I’ve been waiting?
It definitely works to shift your mindset. If you have to wait anyway, you might as well make the wait time as enjoyable as you can.
How to please God
For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. If you serve Christ with this attitude, you will please God, and others will approve of you, too. Romans 14:17-18 NLT
For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Philippians 2:13 NLT
When I was trying to get pregnant, my big thing was about how to please God. Clearly I must be doing something wrong if I wasn’t getting what I wanted. I tried to do everything right. Going to church, Sunday school, volunteering, tithing like crazy but nothing worked.
I took trying to please God and went to the extreme with it.
Not good. That’s why I had to get to a place of beyond righteousness.
Pleasing God is not about not breaking rules or going to church every Sunday. Although God likes these things. More than anything He wants us to pursue him with our whole heart, trust and obey.
Obey isn’t just following rules, its more about trusting God’s plan for your life and believing that it is good. Its about not doing certain things because you know God wouldn’t want you to do them because they aren’t good for you. The things may not be bad, but they may not be good for YOU. Its deciding to follow God when you don’t like it or it doesn’t make sense. Without faith it’s impossible to please God. God wants us to take him at his word. If we don’t understand something ask him, he will explain…somewhat. I say somewhat because the biggest thing about faith is not having to have everything explained.
It happens naturally if you give it a chance. It also won’t feel awkward the more you do it. Just continue to work the cycle.
Hope
The word I am focusing on this week is hope. Hope is a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.
I spent so much of my life waiting on things. I had to wait 7 years to get married. I had to wait 7 years to have a baby. I see now why I had to wait on those things but I certainly didn’t understand it at the time.
The bible talks a lot about hope. A few of my favorites:
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, and whose hope is the LORD.” Jeremiah 17:7
“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23
This Hebrew verse is one that I relied on a lot when I was trying to get pregnant. It talks about holding on to hope because he who promises is faithful.
I can remember month after month waiting on God and not knowing why it was taking so long. What did he want me to do? I would start on the downward spiral of losing hope. What if this never happens? Maybe I don’t deserve a baby.
Something would always stop me though. As bad as I felt I never stayed that far down for too long. I knew if I lost hope I would have nothing to cling to. There would be no where else to go.
I felt like I couldn’t lose hope because I knew even though it had not happened yet that God could do it. I didn’t come by this feeling overnight. I did a lot of research. I asked God to take this desire away if he didn’t want me to have it. If it wasn’t in his will, then take it away because it hurt to bad to continue to be disappointed month after month.
Feeling like you are losing hope?
Ask God to grow your faith in the places of doubt. Have him show you in little ways how he has been faithful.
Make a list of all the things God has done for you this year.
Ask Him if your dream or desire needs to be tweaked.
Find verses about your situation in the bible to build your hope back up. There is nothing new in the world your situation is in there. I have written down so many verses about infertility and being a mother.
Hope is powerful. It doesn’t have to be big. When you feel your hope fading just ask God to help you in your unbelief. He understands. He wants you to reach out. Anything is possible even if you only have a sliver of hope, hold on to it. Remember what God has done for you before and know that he can do even more than you could ever imagine.
Resources
Revising The Golden Rule
Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.
Matthew 7:12 NLT
I’ve always liked this rule. Its simple and straight to the point. Don’t treat people like garbage if you don’t want to be treated as such. Seems reasonable to me. However, as I have gotten older I realized that this concept is a little black and white. It is a good idea to treat people how you want to be treated however, it doesn’t really take into account how THEY want to be treated.
For instance, my husband and I share a lot of similar personality traits however his love language is different than mine. I can’t approach him the way I would want to be approached in situations because he doesn’t respond to that.
When I was researching pictures to include in this post, I came across an article that talks about what I was just telling you. The man that wrote it is talking about it from a management angle but I believe that it works in all aspects of life. Do you take account peoples personalities when you have a disagreement with them? It doesn’t even have to be a disagreement, but just how you interact with people on a day to day basis.
I had a disagreement with a coworker…but it was really in my mind. If you asked them, they wouldn’t think we had a disagreement. They said some things to me I really didn’t like and I would never say those things to them. I was pretty upset about but I had to stop and think, what was their intention? Were their intentions good? They were. We don’t think the same and that is ok.
I had a friend that asked me for some constructive feedback and I wasn’t able to fully give it to her. I talked about how I don’t like constructive feedback because I am too hard on myself but that may not be the case for her. We all have blindspots and I could have been more helpful, but I was treating her how I like to be treated. I also didn’t want to hurt her feelings because mine would have been hurt if it was me, but this wasn’t about me.
Finding the balance in how to treat people in a way that works for you and works for them is tricky but doable. Sometimes we get in caught up in our thought process and that is ok as long as your recognize it.
I believe the biggest thing to consider when trying to treat people how you want to be treated is remember compassion, empathy, respect and patience. Those things are universal.
The Golden Rule is a good place to start but its the baseline. If you start with this you will end up in a good space but if you take it a step further, you can probably have a solution that works for everybody.
The value of an apology
I like the above quote. It is quite mature, a great sentiment. Much easier to say than actually implement in real life. I am terrible that I do not like apologizing. I used to like to just move on like nothing had happened because I am not mad anymore and you aren’t either. This is not a healthy way to handle conflict and it is not very fair to the person that was offended/slighted, etc.
My not liking to apologize had nothing to do with the other person and everything to with me. Apologizing felt like I was giving up control or admitting weakness. Apologizing is a very vulnerable position to be in. You are kind of out on a ledge by yourself waiting for the other person to react, respond. What if they don’t say anything? Do they have to? Is it necessary? Does it matter? I had to contemplate these questions recently as I issued apologizes for various reasons in the past but got almost no responses. This made matters worse! I almost felt like I shouldn’t have said anything at all. However, often times an apology is not for them to acknowledge but for you to atone for what you have done. The best apology really is changed behavior.
Happy Thanksgiving
We talked about being grateful earlier in the month and here is the big day to focus on what you are thankful for.
I challenge you to think of three things a day you are thankful for next month. We shouldn’t only focus on our thanks in November or on Thanksgiving but really all year round. I know things are hard as we are into our 8 month dealing with Covid here in the US. If you were like me, you never would have thought we would be going into the end of the year dealing with this with no end in sight.
Too often we focus on what do not have, instead of all the things we do have. This Thanksgiving may not be like it was last year, but you are here to celebrate. That counts for something.
Three things I am thankful for today:
1. I still have a job
2. I was able to travel despite most things being shut down
3. No one in my immediate circle of family and friends have Covid.
Always finding the silver lining 