Tag Archives: challenges

Making people uncomfortable

Posted on by

HaileyPaigeMagee who is basically my IG therapist (LOL) is putting out great content about breaking people pleasing. One thing she said was

In order to break the people-pleasing pattern, we must learn how to sit with discomfort instead of reacting to it, including:

  • The discomfort of others being unhappy with us
  • The discomfort of letting others handle their own problems instead of rushing in to fix them
  • The discomfort of having difficult, honest conversations about our needs and boundaries

The discomfort that comes when we realize that others’ happiness isn’t our responsibility, but our own happiness is.

This was revoluntary for me because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone but realizing that adults could be disappointed and that was ok ,was big for me. That they would still like me, that they wouldn’t stop talking to me was big. I still struggle with this one, but I have gotten much better.

I still struggle with the discomfort of having difficult conversations, I don’t want to make people feel bad.I also don’t want to give negative feedback but sometimes people don’t realize how they are coming across and since they asked we should tell them.

I had to realize what was mine to hold and what I had to let go of.

Its interesting that I was more worried about disappointing other people than I was in disappointing myself.

Hailey says to recognize if you are people pleasing, do your insides match your outsides? Do you feel happy or do you feel anxious and resentful? I would take it a step further and ask how did you feel when it was over, do you feel warm and fuzzy or are you now going over all the things you said in your head. That probably isn’t the place you should be.

Until next time,

Dominique

Stress and Worry

Posted on by

Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This verse is about your thought life. What dominates your thoughts , what controls your mind. I also read this verse and thought sinful things Paul most be talking about bad stuff, you know the 10 commandment type stuff. However reading it again I don’t think that’s true. The definition of sin means to miss the mark. That sounds ambiguous but if Jesus is our mark anything we do that takes us away from that target is sin.

I’m talking about the sins of worry and stress. If you are constantly worried and stressed you are not pleasing God. God tells us over and over give our worries to him.

I’ve let my sinful nature take over before. Constantly worried about a project at work. When I do that I take my eyes off God and put them on my problem. It was all I would talk about, think about. I read my Bible but I wasn’t focused. My stomach hurt, I was mean and cranky. I might not have been physically dying but I was spiritually dying. I didn’t have much of a life because I was focused on this one thing.

Once I decided to take my eyes off my problem and back on God I was given some help and found a solution. I let the spirit lead me instead of my stress and I did feel peace but it was roller coaster trying to get there. Choose prayer first.

Make a list of what you’re worried about this week big or small and ask God to help you with these problems. Also talk to a trusted friend or prayer partner. They may be able to help you with your problem. Holding it in, is not helping you.

Until next time,

Dominique

New mercies

Posted on by

”Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.“
‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3‬:‭22‬-‭23‬ ‭NIV‬‬

There’s are a few different versions of this verse but I like this one because it says we are not consumed because his compassion’s never fail.

Consume in the Hebrew means devour. What is devouring you right now? Is it work? Is it home? Family? Friendships? Anxiety? Stress?

Because God is compassionate nothing can overtake us or devour us. One bad day doesn’t make a bad week. One bad conversation doesn’t make for a bad relationship. Because of his new mercies we can begin each new day with fresh perspective. I know it can be hard to get over a hurt and keep replaying it in your mind but you don’t have to.
Each day is a new opportunity to begin again.
God is not walking around holding on to that hurt, anger, sadness and we don’t have to either.

I’m not saying if someone hurt you it’s instant relief but remembering that you can start the next interaction fresh may be helpful to you.

New mercies count for everything not just for days but bad conversations, hurt feelings, bad choices, regrets, etc

Before you decide to hold on to bad feelings, bad decisions, regret, guilt, grudges, etc remember that Gods

mercies are new every morning.

Are you holding on to something and you need to let go?

Prayer: Father help us not hold on to things we don’t need to. You say give you our burdens and you will give us rest. Thank you that we don’t have to hold on to anything but you. Thank you we are not devoured or consumed and that we have the ability to start fresh.

Embracing Weakness: A Path to Growth and Compassion

Posted on by

Luke 6:35 says love your enemies and do good to them. I talk a lot about getting rid of your enemies, but at some point, I think we have to have a mindset shift. God did. Getting rid of your enemies is all Old Testament talk; when He gets to the New Testament, it’s different. We can’t be always at war; eventually, we will need to rest. So I say be kind to your weaknesses. They made you who you are, too. Try to use your weaknesses to fuel you to do better, be stronger. God doesn’t waste anything.

Both things can be true: you can acknowledge your weaknesses and still strive for greatness. Embracing your weaknesses doesn’t mean you let them define you negatively; instead, it means recognizing them as part of your journey. God’s grace is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

He uses our struggles to shape us, to build resilience and character. Loving your enemies and doing good to them is not just about external relationships. It’s also about how you treat yourself. Often, our biggest enemies are the voices of doubt and fear within us. When we learn to love and forgive ourselves, we mirror God’s love and forgiveness. This self-compassion allows us to extend the same grace to others.

In this way, we transform the concept of enemies from something external and hostile to an internal challenge that propels us toward growth and compassion. By loving our enemies, whether they are external adversaries or internal struggles, we participate in God’s redemptive work. We find peace and rest not in the absence of conflict, but in the way we navigate and transform it.

So, next time you face a weakness or an enemy, remember that God can use it for good. Embrace the lesson it brings and let it refine you. Both strength and weakness, peace and conflict, we will experience all of these in our lives. Trust that God, in His infinite wisdom, can work all things together for your good.

As you reflect on your journey, I encourage you to embrace both your strengths and your weaknesses. Practice self-compassion and extend that same grace to others. Make a conscious effort to love your enemies, whether they are external or the inner voices of doubt. Start today by identifying one weakness and thinking of a way it can propel you towards growth.

Internal Enemies

Posted on by

”My enemies did their best to kill me, but the Lord rescued me.“
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭118‬:‭13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Your enemies are doing their best right now to destroy you but don’t let them. Don’t let the enemy doubt make you forget what God can do. Don’t let the enemy fear make you forget that you can do anything with Christ Jesus. Don’t let the enemy of overwhelmed make you forget that while things and obligations may be surrounding you, you can overcome them all by the authority of the Lord. Don’t let the enemy of insecurity make you forget that you were made in Gods image so you are mighty and strong.

God wants us to be successful. I recently read in Dr. Phillips book, Tending the Garden Within, to ask God for what we needed. I challenge you to do that now. I asked God for a win and he gave me one! Just yesterday. He is always listening, always ready to step in, always willing to help. I know that doesn’t immediately pay a light bill or lessen your to do list but it’s a reminder that he has our back. We are down but not destroyed.

Read all of Psalm 118 if you have time, there is some good stuff in there..

Prayer: Father, thank you for the reminder that you have our back and you will meet our needs. Thank that if you are for us who can be against us. Nothing can stop what you put in motion, not even us. Delay is not denial as everything is for our good. I pray we all can sit down with you and tell you what we need. Thank you for always listening, for being emphatic, for being our friend. Thank you for the wins that are on the way. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Swarmed

Posted on by

“They swarmed around me like bees; they blazed against me like a crackling fire. But I destroyed them all with the authority of the Lord.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭118‬:‭12‬ ‭NLT‬‬
I had a dream earlier this year that I was getting swarmed by bees. Think Thomas J (Malachi Culkin) in My Girl (1991) (trigger warning if you click the link)

When I woke up I asked God what did this dream mean and he pointed me to Psalm 118:12. I had never paid attention to it, even though I have read it before.  I didn’t think that I was stressed because I was just keeping my head down and getting things down. But if I took a few minutes to think about it, I guess I did know I was stressed. I’ve been overwhelmed by my house for a while. Having two active little boys doesn’t help in keeping the place clean.  I have been doing some research on minimalism and decluttering. In my research I discovered that clutter impacts your mental health. I find that very interesting.

We talked last week about clutter and how I’m moving to get rid of some physical things to improve my mental health. The more I think about it though, I probably need to let go of some internal things to improve my mental health as well.

As I reflect on this, I realize that clutter isn’t just about the physical space around us. Yes, having an organized and minimalistic home can significantly reduce stress and create a sense of calm. But there’s also another layer to consider: the internal clutter. Our minds can become overwhelmed with thoughts, worries, and unresolved emotions, much like our homes can be overwhelmed with physical items.

In my journey towards being minimalist adjacent, I’ve come to understand that letting go of physical clutter is just the beginning. It’s equally important to address the internal clutter that can weigh us down. This includes letting go of negative thoughts, past regrets, and emotional baggage that no longer serves us.

Having two active little boys, my days are often filled with chaos and noise. It can be challenging to find a moment of peace and quiet, let alone maintain a tidy home. But by focusing on decluttering both my physical space and my mind, I hope to create an environment where peace and order can flourish, despite the inevitable messes that come with raising young children.

I’ve found that taking small, intentional steps each day towards decluttering helps significantly. Whether it’s setting aside a few minutes to clear out a drawer, or taking a moment to pray and release any lingering stress, these small actions can make a big difference.

As I continue on this journey, I’m reminded that decluttering is not just about creating a cleaner home, but also about fostering a healthier mind and spirit. By letting go of both physical and internal clutter, I hope to create a space where I can thrive and find joy in the everyday moments and I hope you are able to do the same..

To my educators in the final stretch

Posted on by

Hey there!

I know you are tired. I know you have been working hard. I know it feels like the kids are more aphathetic than ever. I get it. It’s hard to care about wanting them to succeed more than they do. It’s hard to go over the same information over and over again to fall on death ears.

When times get rough and burnout seems eminent, try to do this. Remember your why. I know that seems simple but take a few minutes and think of your successes.
Of that kid who you had to drag across the finish line but they come back now and see you and they are a functioning member of society. You helped do that. Think of that student that hated school but now has a college degree. You helped do that. Think of that student who got out in the real world and decided they might want to make some different decisions about college and career. You helped do that too.

It may feel like what you are saying is falling on deaf ears but the seeds you plant now will harvest later. One of my old students came back five years after graduation so I could help them. You are a now a trusted resource for years to come. Take pride in that.

Less than 2 weeks and seniors across the country will be graduating. When is the last time you had a day off? Spring break? When is the last time you had some self care? Have you had a minute to breathe?

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take some time to yourself and reflect on all the good you have done. I know the bad things stick out but you wouldn’t do what you do if there was more bad than good. When a kid asks you the same question you already answered for the 30x take solace in the fact that he will probably be running some cooperation one day.

If you can, take the summer rest, relax and recharge. The work you do matters, the students you serve matter, you are doing a job that not everyone can or wants to do. Your hard work will pay off even if you can’t see it right now. Who know’s maybe someone will name a fictional school after you.

Until next time,

Dominique

Moving through grief

Posted on by

I wrote this post in August 2022

I started and stopped this post several times, but this time I finally finished. I’m sharing this so you may have some insight in why I have been so sporadic in my posting over the last few years.

Grief is such a hard emotion to process. It was especially hard for me to process because I had no experience. I have never lost anyone before who wasn’t old. Losing those people was hard but I found solace in the fact that they lived long lives and it was time for them to go home.

I have suffered two loses in 2021 and 2022, less than a 6 months apart and it has been difficult. My favorite uncle passed away right before my birthday unexpectedly. It was awful. I can’t even drive to my hometown without thinking about him. ( this has gotten better) He taught me how to drive. I think about him randomly all the time. I didn’t even manage to get through this post without crying and I hate crying. (Didn’t make it this time either lol)

My mother in law passed away when she was young. I was even younger and she was the first, “young” person I knew that had passed away. I wasn’t caught in my own grief though I had to help my husband in all the practical ways that come when someone dies. She died in November and I don’t think I felt the pain of her death until her birthday in February, which was months later. It will be ten years this year and sometimes it still feels like it just happened.

I tried to write this months ago but I couldn’t. It’s wild because in the time it took me to stop and start this another one of uncles passed away. He was sick but I know plenty of people who have cancer and get better right? He didn’t. We went from a family of 4, down to 2 in 5 months.

I didn’t think I had the right to be sad, not like my mother who lost 2 of her older brothers or my brother who lost the only father figure he knew. Or my grandma who lost 2 kids back to back. But we had our own special relationship too and that should honored. Its so hard losing someone in pandemic times. Everyone is losing or lost someone. I didn’t want to burden anyone because it’s been hard on everybody. I feel better now. Mostly. (Even better now)

I haven’t really been able to write and I was wondering why? It has been a very hard year. Some ups but it feels like a lot of downs. Through all of this I have been grateful because God has kept me.

I try to write posts that are informational or encouraging or motivating but today I dont have any of that. I will say if you are grieving you will eventually feel better. (I do feel better)

Do you really believe it will happen?

Posted on by

Then Jesus said to the disciples, “Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours.“
‭‭Mark‬ ‭11‬:‭22‬-‭24‬

Do you? What are you asking God for, a relationship, a job, a business plan, a book? Do you truly believe that he will help you or are you allowing past experiences to color your experience with God? Has God ever not come through? I know I’ve been disappointed by some of His decisions. However I could see the good in them. I know his no was for my protection. I know God isn’t setting me up to fail and I know he won’t play me.

Who are you going to believe? Your doubts and circumstances? Or are you going to believe the One that cannot fail? We talked about telling God what you need. Have you asked him to increase your faith? Ask him to help you in your unbelief. He doesn’t get angry when we do that.

Prayer: Father I pray for all of us who struggle to believe your promises. I pray that you help us in our unbelief. Help us wait on you and trust tour timing. Help us remember everything is for our good because you love us. Remind us there is a time for everything and hard seasons don’t last. Please lighten our load so we can focus on you. We thank you for having good plans for us and wanting us to prosper. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?
‭‭Numbers‬ ‭23‬:‭19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.” The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!
‭‭Mark‬ ‭9‬:‭23‬-‭24‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I’m back

Posted on by


Hello! This has been a long time coming. So much life has happened since I made my last post 10 months ago. It’s like I had a new birth of myself. One version of me had to die for this new version to be birthed.

I went back and looked at some of my old posts and they were dark. The interesting thing is that I don’t remember what was bothering me last September or what that was referencing. I was still on maternity leave but who knows.

Going from 1-2 kids was a huge transition. Shout out to all the moms cause whew this is hard work! I used to want three. Yea right! I don’t know how we would have managed that.

I’ve been working on some of the things we talked about, self care and positive self talk, perfectionism and over thinking.

I’ve discovered new things I’m interested in like minimalism. More on that later. I’ve been fine tuning my writing and listening to the LORD’s promptings. I read 100 books last year. Only 12 were non fiction so I’m trying to increase it that number this year.

I’m trying to be more vulnerable and I’m learning that it actually works when you do it.

I’m working on showing myself more compassion and realizing that I can’t solve everyone’s problems.

Im working on the mom wife balance. I don’t want to just be a good mom but a good wife too. We’ll get more into some marriage stuff later on as well.

Writing/blogging has always been on my heart and I’ve missed it but I had to get back to it in my own time in my own way.

I’m excited for what the second half of the year is going to bring and what I will share with you. Come check me out when you have some time.

Until next time,
Dominique

What I’ve been busy doing when I’m not writing. My family. Jesse, LJ, and James.