Self control

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Galatians 5:22‭-‬23 NLT

The word I am focusing on this week is self control. As we are getting close to holiday season it made sense for me to focus on self control. The biggest area I need to focus on is my mouth, not just what I put into it but what comes out of it. The delicious food is going to be tempting me as well as the conversations that are being had. Being around family can make self control difficult, sometimes being around the people we love can get under our skin and make us eat or say things we would not normally eat or say.

How is your self control? I am not really an impulsive person so I didn’t think I had a self control issue. As I am trying to eat healthy and truly make a lifestyle change I noticed my self control needs some work. Portion control for me is a definitely a problem. Now I am going to give myself a little slack on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I will feel better about that slack though if I tighten up my eating habits on a regular basis. I certainly don’t follow the national guidelines.

Healthy Eating Plate

I heap food on my plate and almost always go back for seconds unless its something healthy. I thoroughly enjoy the taste of food and have a hard time telling myself no when it comes to food. They don’t call it comfort food for no reason. I spend more money on food then I do on most things. I am not sure why that is. It’s like a little crack and once I open up the floodgates I can’t stop.

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Self control with my mouth isn’t much better. Having to always be right is a problem as well as getting the last word. I have gotten better but it is still a problem. Why do I have to be right all the time? I honestly don’t know. It is so hard to hear somebody make a blanket statement and not respond to it. Like, all men do (insert whatever stereotype you want) and it makes me so mad. Or hear someone say something I don’t agree with in general. Or when someone says something I know is not right. Do I have to correct them? What do I get out of these debates? Nothing. What difference does it make what they think? In the grand scheme of things, none. I am probably not going to change their minds and it’s only going to make me upset.

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Oddly enough, controlling what comes out of my mouth is easier for me than what goes into it. I am only trying to engage in conversations that help me grow, make me think differently, and change my thought process. I need to have this same thought process about food. Its hard though because food is SO good. If I want to be the best version of myself, I know I need to work on it. My next goal is consistent exercise. We’ll work on that in 2021, lol.

Mom guilt and rest

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I saw this on Instagram a while back and it definitely spoke to me. I was out sometime ago, probably before COVID and was talking about how tired I was and somebody said this to me. Like didn’t you ask for this? I did. I don’t think its a fair to expect me to never get tired, to never want a break, to never be annoyed by my kid. I am still a human person. I know plenty of people who think this about themselves. I certainly used to.

I felt because I prayed so long for a baby I had no right to complain. I never want God or anyone else to think for a second that I am not grateful for my son. He is amazing! I love watching him grow and discover new things. He is a 18 months today. So he is tap dancing on the line of terrible twos. Things are starting to get real interesting around here.

8 toddler memes that will make your pint-sized dictator seem a little more  loveable. | Mars&Stars Baby | Toddler humor, Funny pictures, Toddler quotes
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I have been talking about rest this week and think being a mom makes it even harder to rest.

When he was smaller I wanted to be the first person he saw when he woke up in the morning and the last person he saw before bed. That has been the case pretty much every day and night he has been alive unless I was out of town. As he has gotten older though I am starting to realize that isn’t necessary. Putting him to bed every night right now is exhausting because he doesn’t want to go. We are battling over bath time and pajamas like we don’t do this every night. Its driving me insane.

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The mom guilt is real though. I feel like I need to do all these things because he is at the sitter all day.

I want to make sure that I get enough time in with him as possible. I want him to know that he is loved and cherished. He knows that though. He may not be able to say it but I firmly believe he can feel the love I pour into him. He is a happy baby by default. Its just who he is. He needs a mommy that is happy and content as well. All the time.

I’m making adjustments. I have turned over a few nights a week of night time prep to my husband. He is a having a great time!

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Footage of my husband putting my son to bed. LOL!

I am scheduling myself some regular me time. I am giving myself a break. I feel like it takes a long time to catch your rhythm as a mom. As soon as you get a good routine down, they change on you. We have to be willing to change too or as good friend of mine says, pivot.

Letting go of what doesn’t serve me

I was listening to a podcast the other day, The Suga. Its a podcast for black moms but most of the conversations I think would be relevant for any woman. One of the thing the host said that really struck me was, “I’m letting go of things that don’t serve me.”

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I felt that in my bones, but its easier said that done. I have been working really hard on making sure I am doing things because I want to and not out of some weird obligation that I put on myself. Some days I am successful at it and other days I am not.

I really wanted to dive deeper into this concept. I have talked about this process a little in the post Unlearning. Unlearning is all about letting go of thought processes that no longer serve you. I feel like this is the next step in that process. Letting go of activities that no longer serve me. This to me is harder because in unlearning you can immediately see the benefit and it impacts nobody but yourself. I don’t want to appear selfish by saying no or not helping at some function or attending some event.

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I have to remind myself that self care is not selfish and letting go of things that don’t serve me is only going to help me feel better.

How do know that something no longer serves you?

How do you feel when you leave that event?

How do you feel when you complete that activity?

If you don’t feel like you gained anything then it may be time to do something else. By gained I mean, do you feel full? Fulfilled? Satisfied?

Are these (whatever your thing/s is) pouring into you?

Or is it just something to check off your list?

When I was dealing with FOMO, I said I was only going to pour into people who poured into me. It helped me a great deal in dealing with missing out on activities or feeling like I needed to be invited somewhere. I am going to start applying that same philosophy to my calendar as well.

Another good reminder that I got from the Joyce Meyer book I just finished was, just because this thing I am doing is great, doesn’t mean that it is great for me. I have to learn to let go.

Resources

This guided mediation was pretty cool. I didn’t use everything they said, but they were definitely some great takeaways.

Choosing Joy

Joyce Meyer says, try not to be ruled by your emotions. Easier said than done of course, but absolutely necessary. There is nothing worse then going up and down based on how you feel. I feel like I am a pretty rational person and I have this problem all the time. I think about my feelings instead of what is happening at the time.

Its easy to say not to be ruled by your emotions when everything is going well, when you are hearing from God and he is answering your prayers. Just the other day I woke up and I felt nothing, I was confused and reading the bible didn’t help. I tried to pray and I didn’t feel the calm and peace I usually do after prayer. I wondered if God was testing me in some way, because people always say God doesn’t speak to you during the test. I tried to meditate on some verses but nothing was coming to mind to address how I felt. I didn’t know what to do.

I decided to make a list of all the things I was grateful for; my husband, my job, friends and family. I got specific with it, not just generically thanking God but really praising him for the awesome things he has done for me and I started to feel better. I was surprised. It seems so bogus, like how is this list supposed to make me feel better but it did. Running through that list helped me put some things in perspective. That gratitude list reminded me that things in my life were not that bad and they could always be worse. The more I wake up in a odd mood or down on myself I take a second to remember that our feelings are not real.

Don’t trust your feelings because your feelings can lie. Feelings don’t always convey the word of God or how true He is. People tell you to trust your heart, don’t do it. Trust God. When you need to press on because you don’t want to get out of bed, tap into the word. I had many days when I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I did anyway. I made sure to have a few minutes of quiet time with God. Time allotted would be 15 minutes, sometimes more, sometimes less. I would always get a scripture that would help me along.

As I have been trying to tap more into my emotions and not hide in books or recreational activities, the more I am trying not to be ruled by my emotions. I have also made sure to look up scriptures about feelings, emotions and love, because I didn’t want to get caught in a spot again where I couldn’t remember any scriptures. I have been reading a plan in the Bible app, called Love God Greatly-You are Loved. I have been writing a lot of those scriptures down so that I can recall them later. Being reminded of the love God has for me, helps me with my doubt, indecision, anxiety, etc. The more I get to know who He is, the more I trust him, the less stock I put in how I feel. There is no one way to not get caught up in your feelings, sometimes you have to try a bevy of different ways to change your mood, but you can do it.

Books to Read

Get out of your head-Jennie Allen

Living beyond your feelings-Joyce Meyer

Gratitude and Thankfulness

As everyone starts talking about Thanksgiving now that we are in November I feel like they use these two words thankful and grateful interchangeably. I used to do this as well. I even started a post about being thankful. In the midst of writing it though I came across this article that says that thankful is a feeling and gratitude is an action.

I never looked at those words that way before. I think it makes a lot of sense. Its cool to feel thankful, that’s inward. You feel all warm and fuzzy. Grateful is the outward expression of that thanks. It’s an action word.

How do we show thanks and appreciation to someone who does something nice for us? Get them a card, write them a note, take something off their to do list, tell other people how awesome they are or that great thing they did for you.

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How do we show God we’re thankful? I believe its the same way.

Praise. Thank God for all he has done. Listen to praise music, dance, sing, shout.

Share your testimony. Tell people about the awesome thing/(s) that God has done in your life. You don’t go through things just for yourself and when you come out on the other side and our blessed, let people know!

Give generously. I don’t always do this but I saw it online and thought it was really nice. If God blesses you with a check, spread the wealth! We don’t receive anything just for us. I’m sure it makes God smile to see you sharing what he blessed you with.

Serve. I also saw this online when researching. I think its fair. I know going out and sharing the gifts that God gave me, makes me feel good. I also like helping do His work, with the church, food pantry. Giving to others is a great way to show your gratitude for the things you have received.

Live right. Do the things that God asks you do, read your word, and spend time with Him.

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Verses

As I learn your righteous regulations, I will thank you by living as I should! Psalms 119:7 NLT https://bible.com/bible/116/psa.119.7.NLT

I will fulfill my vows to you, O God, and will offer a sacrifice of thanks for your help. Psalms 56:12 NLT https://bible.com/bible/116/psa.56.12.NLT

Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness. Let the whole world know what he has done. Psalms 105:1 NLT https://bible.com/bible/116/psa.105.1.NLT


Resources

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/turning-gratitude-into-a-verb_b_7898888

God is still in control

Putting confidence in an unreliable person in times of trouble is like chewing with a broken tooth or walking on a lame foot. Proverbs 25:19 NLT https://bible.com/bible/116/pro.25.19.NLT

I was reading Proverbs and came across this verse. It immediately made me think about this election season. I think no matter who you are planning on voting for tomorrow that we can all agree this election season has been a mess.

I try not to get too political on here because God shouldn’t be about politics. I am drawing a line in the sand here though. I am praying fervently that we receive a new president after all the votes are counted.

I hope my prayers and the prayers of many Americans are answered but if they are not and Donald Trump continues to be my president, we will be ok.

We will be ok because God continues to be in control. He knows who the president is and what he is capable of. I don’t put my confidence in any president, any elected official, any job, any Human. My confidence is in God. He is the only one who keeps 100% of his promises, 100% of the time..

Those who put their hope in the Lord won’t be disappointed. Isaiah 49:23.

It is better to take refugee in the Lord than to trust in man. Psalm 118:8 ESV

I’m not saying I am going to be happy if Donald Trump gets elected, IM NOT. I know the the consequences are real and even if my day to day is not impacted by his decisions, others will be and that is enough for me to be concerned. However, I know God’s plan for those who believe is ultimately good. I have to lean on that and not my own understanding or my feelings.

GO Vote!

October wrap up

Words we focused on this month were

blameless

righteous

free

These are all good concepts to think about, to put into practice week by week. God wants all of us, any way he can get us and putting pressure on ourselves is only hurting us. God is not condemning you, he wants you to be free and seek to have relationship with him.

We talked about do we need to say anything and is the Proverbs 31 woman still relevant?

We also were reminded that comparison is the thief of joy and how to start putting feet on your prayers.

I won a Blogger award!

As we enter the last two months of the year remember, you still have time to do whatever it is you want to do. You just have to get out of your own way.

I am so glad today is October 31. That means Thanksgiving is on its way and we can move right into Christmas. Happy Halloween!

Ways to go from planning to action

I hear a lot of people who talk about they read something good in a book, or heard it on a podcast or YouTube video but they don’t know how to execute it in real life. It can seem overwhelming when you have learned a lot of information but you are unsure how to implement it. Here is a list of things to try. The list is long so you can figure out what works best for you, it may be one thing or a combination. Keep trying until something sticks!

Write it down-Hearing something is not always enough. Jot a note in your phone, in a journal, somewhere you can reference back. Your brain remembers things better when you write them down.

Do one thing at a time– You probably hear good stuff all the time. You can’t do all the things, at the same time. Pick one good thing you heard and see if it works.

Carve out time with yourself -How busy are you? Have you set assign time to get things done? Are you exhausted after work? What changes do you need to make to give yourself more free time?

citrus and style: How to Make Time for Yourself in College
Citrus and Style

Change your thought process– even if you have started and stopped before, believe that this time will be different. You are different. You are coming at this with renewed energy and focus.

Treat yourself how you would treat a friend-Give yourself a break. Remember you are doing the best you can.

Set timers/alarms on your phone-this is a great way to get an external reminder. I set an alarm on my phone for 3pm everyday to write. I don’t need it anymore but it was great in helping me establish a routine.

Put post its up in your house or car to remind yourself of the things you learned

Make a Note to Do Great Things! — The Memo
Being Mary Jane

Get rid of distractions-Set blocks on your phone for notifications. I put my Instagram and Facebook on a timer and when my time is up thats it. My friend just completely deletes the app off her phone. Whatever it takes.

Get to the root of the problem what are you afraid of?

The fear of success and the fear of judgement are REAL — Brigitte Linford

Only person stopping you is you. Do you think that it won’t Really happen? Is what you want Gods plan or yours? You may need to double check. Do it despite how you feel, the more you do it you’ll start to get used to it.

The key thing with all these strategies is being intentional. Its waking up everyday and deciding that I am going to do better than the day before. You already did the first part which is the research. You were able to look into resources, that’s a good thing. Celebrate that small win. Now you just have to do the next step. The harder step, which is putting in the work. I believe in you. You got this!

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Comparison is the thief of joy

Such a true statement. People always talk about not comparing yourself to other people. Easier said than done but you can work on that. It’s obvious why you shouldn’t compare yourself to other people so I feel like its easier for me to not do that. How often do you find yourself comparing yourself to the person you used to be? How often are you comparing yourself to the person you thought you would be?

These two questions are the one I have the most trouble with. I have drastically cut back on comparing myself to other people by cutting down on my social media usage. However, its really hard to stop comparing this self to my former self.

I look at old pictures in my phone, like man I wish my skin still looked like it used to, even though back then, I thought my skin looked bad. I’m sure we can identify with this meme. I have certainly been there. Or how I used to party and have such a great time out and now every time I go out its wack. You can compare how one friend treats you compared to another friend or you can compare how your boyfriend treats you vs how he treated his ex. Its all comparison.

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I like this quote by Iyanla Vanzant. I never thought about it like this before but its very true. Quickest way to put yourself down is start comparing. When I try to compare myself to where I am supposed to be vs where I am, its a recipe for disaster. Its so unnecessary too. If I wasn’t supposed to be in the space I am in, I wouldn’t be here. Nothing is by coincidence. God laid out every day of my life before I was born. Remembering that brings me great comfort because I know, nothing is happening to me that he is not aware of or has not ordained.

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The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He doesn’t want to us to be happy. I feel like sometimes I am doing ok and I feel bad out of nowhere, its because the devil wants to knock me off my block. I’m not going to let him though. I am not accountable to anyone but me and I am perfectly fine where I am. My story is mine alone. It doesn’t matter where I was or where I am going as long as I am content right now. The past has already happened and the future will get here in its own time.

Beyond righteousness

I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead! Philippians 3:8‭-‬11

We are studying Philipians in the Wednesday noon bible study class I go to at church. This verse really spoke to me. I have been thinking about this concept for a while since I started my identity in Christ.

I spoke the other day about being truly Free. Being free is really about going deeper with God than just following the rules.

I used to focus a lot on following the rules. On making sure I was doing everything I was told to do. In some ways that is easier, you have a checklist to follow and you just do it. Relationship doesn’t necessarily play a role in that.

As I learned more about my identity in Christ, I realized its bigger than just following rules. Not just being blameless, but truly unlearning what I thought was right and really pursuing to know who God is and once I know truly who he is, I can better know who I am as well. I’m in a good space, but then I saw this verse and realized I still am missing something.

I am missing power. I know the power is there, waiting to be tapped into. I know God has great plans for me. He gave me the tools to do the things he called me to do. The bible says we have power and authority and victory. I’m not talking prosperity gospel stuff, but just genuine power to change the trajectory of our lives with Jesus help. If Christ was raised from the dead and we have the same power. Is there anything we can’t do?

When you look at things this way, I can do all things through Christ takes on a whole new meaning. Philippians 4:13

Joyce Meyer says that a lot of Christians will make it to heaven but they won’t have much fun on the way. The bible says that God wants us to live life to the full. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

The thief has stolen to much from me already. I never knew what I could really do, because I allowed him to take my past circumstances and use them against me, to limit what God could do because I didn’t realize the power I had.

Don’t let the thief take anything else from you. Tap in the power you have. Use it live life abundantly. If you are doing anything other than living life abundantly, you are short changing yourself and not receiving all God has for you.