Tag Archives: mom guilt

Happy Mother’s Day

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Being a mother is the HARDEST job I ever had. I love it though. I love that it made me want to better myself. I love when I go pick him up from the babysitter and he gets the biggest smile on his face when I walk in the door. Every cliche you have ever heard about being a mother is absolutely true.

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If your a mom, take what you need, not just today but all week. Don’t let mom guilt get in the way. You deserve to be celebrated. I limit myself all the time because of mom guilt and I am trying to work on it but it doesn’t always work out that way. If you need help ask for it. If you want to be left alone ask for that. Your partner and support system can not read your mind. I used think my husband was upset with me because I felt like he was “watching” my son a lot. I never asked him, I just assumed. It wasn’t true though and it wasn’t a lot really. I just created that narrative in my head. I work full time so I already feel like I don’t see him enough. He’s fine. He’s well adjusted happy toddler.

Don’t compare yourself to other moms, don’t compare your baby to other kids. I read this article that talked about are we expecting too much out of your child based on age. I certainly was. If you are doing the best you can that is enough.

Remember people are only showing their highlights on social media. Folks rarely show the bad times. Or if they do, they show it in funny ironic ways. They don’t show when their kid has destroyed all the books in their room, or dumped all the clean clothes out of the laundry basket, or thrown their dinner all over the floor.

Your feelings count, your happiness counts, if you aren’t taking care of yourself then you aren’t able to be the best mom you can be.

Is your kid happy, healthy and loved? If they are then you are doing amazing! I salute you this Mother’s Day.

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Until next time,

Dominique

Are you asking for help?

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đź“·: @luvvie Instagram

I saw this on Instagram the other day and it really spoke to me. Especially the line, “outsource your life”. I have been notorious for not asking for help. I didn’t often want to ask for help because I didn’t want to look like I couldn’t handle whatever situation I was in. I didn’t want people to view me as weak. Asking for help puts you in a vulnerable position. I have mentioned struggles I have had in the past and people have thrown them back in my face. It may not have been intentional, but I certainly don’t want to be reminded of my weaknesses.

As I was reading the book of Numbers it talked about Moses complaining to God that his workload was too large.

I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me. If this is how you are going to treat me, please go ahead and kill me—if I have found favor in your eyes—and do not let me face my own ruin. ”The Lord said to Moses: “Bring me seventy of Israel’s elders who are known to you as leaders and officials among the people. Have them come to the tent of meeting, that they may stand there with you.  I will come down and speak with you there, and I will take some of the power of the Spirit that is on you and put it on them. They will share the burden of the people with you so that you will not have to carry it alone. Numbers 11:14-17

I took a few things from these verses.

1. God gave 70! people do to the work that Moses was doing. 70! Think about all the work that was on his shoulders that he wouldn’t have gotten assistance with if he had not asked.

2. God didn’t take away anything from Moses when he took away some of his responsibility. He didn’t lose his anointing. He didn’t get demoted. Nobody teased him for asking for help. God wasn’t mad at him for asking and he took care of it right away.

3. Many people were anointed based on Moses asking for help. Nobody complained about helping Moses. I bet they were glad to be able to contribute and help God as well. How many people could be blessed by you asking for help?

I have started outsourcing my life in the last several months and it has been extremely helpful. I have a house cleaner come once a month and it has changed my life. It has taken a ton of stress off my shoulders. I felt so bad when I was initially considering it. I didn’t want people questioning what kind of mother I was if I had to pay someone to clean my house. I have since let go of that idea!

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Remember you don’t owe anyone anything. You want to make decisions that help your life go easier. You will be doing you yourself a favor. Don’t feel bad either, its not necessary and it will only slow you down.

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Constructive criticism

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If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise.
Proverbs 15:31 NLT

This is hard for me. I do it well in my work life but not in my personal life. I’m my own worst critic, so its hard to hear myself be criticized by other people. Often times they are just pointing out things that I already know I need to work on. I’m equal opportunity though. I don’t typically provide people with unsolicited constructive feedback either. I’ve always had a policy where I don’t say anything to people that I don’t want said to me. I’ve never seen this verse in the bible before. Reading it in a different translation definitely opened my eyes.

10 Funny Memes About How You Can GTFO With That Unsolicited Parenting Advice

We talked about self control with not engaging in conversations that aren’t healthy, however constructive feedback can be helpful.

The words of the wise are like cattle prods—painful but helpful. Their collected sayings are like a nail-studded stick with which a shepherd drives the sheep.
Ecclesiastes 12:11 NLT

I think if nothing else the above verse reminds me that constructive feedback is there to make me better. The people around me love and only want to see me at my best. So if someone is at my house and comments on what my son is wearing or eating, or how clean my house is, its because they are really trying to be helpful. Their delivery or timing may not be great but that shouldn’t impact how I respond to them.

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Or if I respond at all. I can simply say thank you, I will take that into consideration.

Quotes about Giving unsolicited advice (23 quotes)

This meme was another great reminder. People just want to be helpful. I don’t have to take it as an attack on my parenting or wife skills. Maybe they could be trying to offer me words they wished someone would have said to them. The biggest takeaway is to remember that people intentions are good. Impact matters of course but I can show some grace as well.