Category Archives: mental health

The Power of Setting Boundaries with Yourself

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We talked before during self care about keeping your word to yourself. I want to expand on that a little bit. Do you set boundaries with yourself? Do you know what boundaries with yourself are?

Boundaries with oneself are the personal rules and guidelines we set to maintain a healthy relationship with ourselves. These boundaries help us manage our time, energy, and emotions, ensuring we stay aligned with our values and goals. They are essential for self-care, self-discipline, and personal growth.

It’s easier to let yourself down more than anybody else. If we keep pushing back our goal then we really haven’t let ourselves down right? We will eventually get to it. Right? Wrong!

Keeping your word to yourself helps build trust and confidence. I made a writing schedule that I stuck with for a few months now. I didn’t make any excuses I just did it. It felt good too. I am proud of me. I did that by:

Taking things one day at a time 

As always, I’m praying to keep this same energy and not start slacking, but I just need to take this one day at a time. If I miss one day, you miss too, but even if I do a little every day, it’s better than nothing.

Being willing to switch things up

I used to get up at 530 to write but I can’t necessarily do that now and it’s ok. As long as I get it done that is what counts. I was trying to force myself to do something that no longer fit my schedule or lifestyle and was making it feel like work. Anything that feels like unpaid work I’m not going to want to do it. 

This is like point 2b

  • I have to work on not be too rigid and going with the flow. I can have a schedule and an outline but if I get too much structure I start overthinking and it stifles my creativity. 

Setting realistic expectations for yourself

  • It’s crucial to set goals that are achievable within the constraints of your life. By setting realistic expectations, you set yourself up for success rather than disappointment. Adjusting your goals to fit your current circumstances shows self-awareness and adaptability.

Practicing self-compassion

  • Remember to be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. It’s okay to stumble along the way; what matters is how you pick yourself back up. Treat yourself with the same empathy and understanding you would offer a friend facing a similar situation.

Celebrating small victories

  • Acknowledge and celebrate the progress you make, no matter how small. Each step forward, no matter how insignificant it may seem, is a testament to your commitment and dedication to personal growth. By celebrating your achievements, you reinforce positive behavior and motivation to continue moving forward.

Reflecting on your journey

Take time to reflect on your journey, recognizing the challenges you’ve overcome and the lessons you’ve learned along the way. Self-reflection allows you to gain insight into your habits, strengths, and areas for improvement, empowering you to make informed decisions moving forward.

By implementing these strategies, you can establish healthy boundaries with yourself, cultivate self-discipline, and ultimately achieve your goals with confidence and resilience. Remember, the journey towards self-improvement is ongoing, and each day presents an opportunity for growth and transformation.

Until next time,

Dominique

Stress and Worry

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Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This verse is about your thought life. What dominates your thoughts , what controls your mind. I also read this verse and thought sinful things Paul most be talking about bad stuff, you know the 10 commandment type stuff. However reading it again I don’t think that’s true. The definition of sin means to miss the mark. That sounds ambiguous but if Jesus is our mark anything we do that takes us away from that target is sin.

I’m talking about the sins of worry and stress. If you are constantly worried and stressed you are not pleasing God. God tells us over and over give our worries to him.

I’ve let my sinful nature take over before. Constantly worried about a project at work. When I do that I take my eyes off God and put them on my problem. It was all I would talk about, think about. I read my Bible but I wasn’t focused. My stomach hurt, I was mean and cranky. I might not have been physically dying but I was spiritually dying. I didn’t have much of a life because I was focused on this one thing.

Once I decided to take my eyes off my problem and back on God I was given some help and found a solution. I let the spirit lead me instead of my stress and I did feel peace but it was roller coaster trying to get there. Choose prayer first.

Make a list of what you’re worried about this week big or small and ask God to help you with these problems. Also talk to a trusted friend or prayer partner. They may be able to help you with your problem. Holding it in, is not helping you.

Until next time,

Dominique

Minimalist adjacent

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Have you ever heard the term “minimalist” and thought it meant getting rid of everything you own and living in an empty room? That was my initial impression too. But as I delved deeper into the concept, I discovered that minimalist living is about intentionally choosing to live with fewer possessions, focusing only on what truly adds value to our lives.

In today’s fast-paced world, clutter seems to be an ever-present issue. Our homes are filled with things we rarely use, and our minds are crowded with distractions. But what if clearing out physical clutter could lead to a clearer mind and a deeper connection with the world around us?

Author and speaker John Mark Comer, in his book “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry,” highlights the importance of creating clear space in our lives. He emphasizes the idea that clutter isn’t just physical—it can also clutter our minds, making it difficult to hear God or connect with our inner selves.

By simplifying our surroundings—whether it’s getting rid of clothes we never wear, toys our kids have outgrown, or clearing out shelves and closets—we can create space for what truly matters. This act of decluttering isn’t just about tidying up our homes; it’s about asking ourselves, “Does this possession add value to my life? “

Minimalism isn’t about deprivation; it’s about abundance—abundance of time, energy, and focus. By resisting the urge to constantly acquire more stuff, we free ourselves from the burden of excessive possessions and gain more time for the things that truly bring us joy and fulfillment.

Moreover, studies have shown a direct link between clutter and anxiety. By decluttering our physical spaces, we can alleviate stress and create a more peaceful environment for ourselves and our families.

Ask yourself, why am I buying these things? What feeling am I chasing?

I will never be a true minimalist. I enjoy shopping too much, but I can do better. I have been trying to not buy anything until I give some things away, that has been working somewhat.

In conclusion, embracing minimalism isn’t about giving up everything we own; it’s about being intentional with what we choose to surround ourselves with. It’s about creating space for what truly matters and finding clarity in a cluttered world. Minimalism is a life long journey, decluttering doesn’t happen overnight. So let’s take a step back, evaluate our possessions, and simplify our lives for a greater sense of peace, purpose, and connection.

Need strength?

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Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him.
‭‭1 Chronicles‬ ‭16‬:‭11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Continually seek him. That means try to be in his presence as much as you can. Strength is something that God said he would give us if we ask him. Gods strength is different than ours. His strength will take us further than ours ever will. He wants you to call on him. We are not meant to manage things on our own. If we are in constant communication with God we will get not only his strength, but bonuses of his joy, his peace, his protection. There won’t be room for worry, fear and doubt.

How do we do that? How do we search for the Lord? I try to see God in everything I do. In the music I listen to, the movies and shows I watch, the books I read, the places I go, in everything. I ask the age old question of What would Jesus do? I try to have dedicated quiet time with him 3 to 4 times a week. I attend a weekly Bible study. I read my bible everyday.  I go to church, not just watch it online. I try to talk to him several times a day.

It’s work to continually seek the Lord. But When you are looking for him, you are missing the other stuff. The stuff that makes you stressed or leaves you afraid or distracts you.

Where in your life do you need the Lord’s strength? Are you still trying to power through by yourself? Ask him to step in and help you. Take a few minutes and write down where you need the Lord to give you strength this week.

The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭28‬:‭7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41‬:‭10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Prayer: Father we ask for your strength. Strength that knows no bounds.Your strength leads us to peace, freedom, joy. You say you will go before us so we do not have to dismay. You will bring us victory. With you, we are more than conquerors. Remind us without you, we can do nothing. Thank you for making our ways perfect. Thank you for protection. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

Moving through grief

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I wrote this post in August 2022

I started and stopped this post several times, but this time I finally finished. I’m sharing this so you may have some insight in why I have been so sporadic in my posting over the last few years.

Grief is such a hard emotion to process. It was especially hard for me to process because I had no experience. I have never lost anyone before who wasn’t old. Losing those people was hard but I found solace in the fact that they lived long lives and it was time for them to go home.

I have suffered two loses in 2021 and 2022, less than a 6 months apart and it has been difficult. My favorite uncle passed away right before my birthday unexpectedly. It was awful. I can’t even drive to my hometown without thinking about him. ( this has gotten better) He taught me how to drive. I think about him randomly all the time. I didn’t even manage to get through this post without crying and I hate crying. (Didn’t make it this time either lol)

My mother in law passed away when she was young. I was even younger and she was the first, “young” person I knew that had passed away. I wasn’t caught in my own grief though I had to help my husband in all the practical ways that come when someone dies. She died in November and I don’t think I felt the pain of her death until her birthday in February, which was months later. It will be ten years this year and sometimes it still feels like it just happened.

I tried to write this months ago but I couldn’t. It’s wild because in the time it took me to stop and start this another one of uncles passed away. He was sick but I know plenty of people who have cancer and get better right? He didn’t. We went from a family of 4, down to 2 in 5 months.

I didn’t think I had the right to be sad, not like my mother who lost 2 of her older brothers or my brother who lost the only father figure he knew. Or my grandma who lost 2 kids back to back. But we had our own special relationship too and that should honored. Its so hard losing someone in pandemic times. Everyone is losing or lost someone. I didn’t want to burden anyone because it’s been hard on everybody. I feel better now. Mostly. (Even better now)

I haven’t really been able to write and I was wondering why? It has been a very hard year. Some ups but it feels like a lot of downs. Through all of this I have been grateful because God has kept me.

I try to write posts that are informational or encouraging or motivating but today I dont have any of that. I will say if you are grieving you will eventually feel better. (I do feel better)

Daily writing prompt

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Daily writing prompt
Describe one habit that brings you joy.
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One habit that brings me joy is my daily quiet time with God. There are not many things that will make me miss that time. I get to pour my heart out, whether things are going good or bad I know that talking to God will help me feel better. During this time, I journal, I read scriptures, I pray. The beautiful thing is that it doesn’t have to be a long time. It doesn’t have to be anything profound. I ask God to help me get through the day, I tell him what I am worried or stressed about, I give my day to him. He always listens and rarely interrupts. He is my bestfriend. Since we speak so often I know his voice and when I have questions he always answers. He may not give me the answer I want, but he rarely leaves me on read. lol. When I don’t have the time to make my appointment with God, I just don’t feel 100% but the awesome thing about God is that because he is always with me, I can talk to him anytime. Joy is a gift, a fruit of the spirit, but it also something we cultivate. We help it grow by our actions or we diminish it with our actions. Seek out things that bring you joy, it will help you feel good through out your days.

I’m back

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Hey friends! Its been a while. Much longer than I ever thought I would go without writing a post but a lot of life has happened since my last post 9 months ago…. I had a baby boy!

Giphy.com

For those of you that have been here from the beginning the fact that I can say I have two kids is simply amazing. Five years ago I didn’t think I could have one. God truly does twice the work in half the time.

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My new little boy has been such a pleasure. This year has been one of the hardest I’ve had in a long time. I lost not only the motivation to write but the inspiration.

What inspires me? Typically any and everything. Pop culture, sermons, podcasts, conversations with friends. None of it was doing it for me this time. It doesn’t help that church is still virtual even though its back in person.

I also lost my favorite uncle, and another one less than 6 months later, everyone in my family had Covid and this pregnancy while producing a healthy infant, was much harder this time. That’s just to name a few things that happened… It all got to be too much.

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I love writing. But its also work and I just didnt have it in me to do any more work. You know how you haven’t talked to someone in long time and its gets harder and harder to call them and eventually you’re like, well, out of sight, out of mind.

Thats how it was with writing, although it doesnt really work that way. Writing has always been in the background hovering, waiting patiently for me to get myself together.

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Well I’m back. I think I’ve been on break long enough. I need to do some more self care and writing is one of them. I hope I can persuade you to come back and keep reading.

You’ll definitely notice some changes, one thing I’ve learned while being away is the continued desire to be 100 all the time. I was worried before about how people would perceive what I had to say but now I dont really care anymore. Love me or leave me alone.

Until next time,

Dominique

Things that keep you from seeing clearly

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You see and recognize what is right but refuse to act on it. You hear with your ears, but you don’t really listen.
Isaiah 42:20 NLT

How often have we known the right thing to do but we didn’t do it? How often is our judgment cloudy because we aren’t seeing things clearly?

Are you stopping to pay attention? Perception is reality but often our reality is skewed. I found the image below on Pintrest. I know I have done a few of these things before.

Pintrest.com

The biggest ones I dealt with were desperately holding on to my plans and self limiting beliefs. When you feel things just have to go a certain way you are really putting limits on yourself. This allows no room for innovation, to switch up or try new things. Sometimes pivoting can be the best thing for you but you can’t pivot it you aren’t paying attention.

Imposter syndrome is a self limiting belief. Perfectionism is a self limiting belief. Imposter syndrome makes you feel like you aren’t qualified for whatever it is you’re doing. You aren’t able to see yourself as other people see you. You wouldn’t be at the next level if you couldn’t do it. Trust the skills you’ve learned, the work you’ve done, the sacrifices you have made.

Giphy.com

We think these thought processes will help us. They are just trying to protect us from being hurt. However self limiting beliefs didn’t help me. Being afraid to take a risk or make a mistake was just holding me back from greatness.

Giphy.com

Another common one is the fear of uncertainty. Being afraid of the future can have you making bad decisions in the present. We don’t know what the future holds, good or bad. We have to trust that God has the best for us.

Giphy.com

Have you let the problem you are having make you forget what God can do?

Don’t be afraid!” Elisha told him. “For there are more on our side than on theirs!” Then Elisha prayed, “O Lord, open his eyes and let him see!” The Lord opened the young man’s eyes, and when he looked up, he saw that the hillside around Elisha was filled with horses and chariots of fire.
2 Kings 6:16‭-‬17 NLT

We have to pray to see things with his eyes, listen with his ears, so we can get the true perspective on things and not our skewed vision of a situation. We have to ask him to remove any hindrances that keep us from seeing a situation clearly.

Until next time,

Dominique

Happy Mother’s Day

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Being a mother is the HARDEST job I ever had. I love it though. I love that it made me want to better myself. I love when I go pick him up from the babysitter and he gets the biggest smile on his face when I walk in the door. Every cliche you have ever heard about being a mother is absolutely true.

Truth Lying GIF by Tangina Stone
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If your a mom, take what you need, not just today but all week. Don’t let mom guilt get in the way. You deserve to be celebrated. I limit myself all the time because of mom guilt and I am trying to work on it but it doesn’t always work out that way. If you need help ask for it. If you want to be left alone ask for that. Your partner and support system can not read your mind. I used think my husband was upset with me because I felt like he was “watching” my son a lot. I never asked him, I just assumed. It wasn’t true though and it wasn’t a lot really. I just created that narrative in my head. I work full time so I already feel like I don’t see him enough. He’s fine. He’s well adjusted happy toddler.

Don’t compare yourself to other moms, don’t compare your baby to other kids. I read this article that talked about are we expecting too much out of your child based on age. I certainly was. If you are doing the best you can that is enough.

Remember people are only showing their highlights on social media. Folks rarely show the bad times. Or if they do, they show it in funny ironic ways. They don’t show when their kid has destroyed all the books in their room, or dumped all the clean clothes out of the laundry basket, or thrown their dinner all over the floor.

Your feelings count, your happiness counts, if you aren’t taking care of yourself then you aren’t able to be the best mom you can be.

Is your kid happy, healthy and loved? If they are then you are doing amazing! I salute you this Mother’s Day.

You Got This Go Get Em GIF by Shalita Grant
giphy.com

Until next time,

Dominique

Have you noticed?

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If you have been paying attention you would have noticed that I haven’t been doing my post on Fridays in quite a while. I used to feel very guilty about that. I don’t anymore. Times change and that isn’t a realistic goal right now. I still want to make sure I post every month. That’s not something I have accomplished yet in my years of blogging. We are almost half way through the year and I have continued to meet that goal so I feel good about that.

I have been focusing a lot on my mental health over the last year. It has been good. I have made a lot of strides. However as we have often talked about growth is not a straight line and it certainly doesn’t happen on our own time. Over the past few months, I feel like everything I have learned has been put to the test and I can’t say I necessarily passed each test with flying colors.

I will say that I have tried my best. I do recognize that I need to give myself grace. I need to have patience with my own process. Its hard though. My old perfectionist ways just refuse to die!

I Refuse Ayanna Pressley GIF
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I had a lot of mental health stuff I wanted to discuss in April but it didn’t really happen. That’s ok. May is mental health awareness month so I will do it now.

It was hard for me to talk about mental health when I know I was sometimes running to my old coping mechanisms. There is space for that though. April was a good reminder that I am not a constant self improvement project. I don’t have to keep striving to the next thing. I can sit in this space and be satisfied with where I am right now.

I am enough, just because, I don’t have to be producing anything, I can just be.

I just want to remind you that, while you are growing and evolving, take time to celebrate that you aren’t what you used to be. Remember that God put everything inside you of that you need to be the best version of you. You are just peeling back the layers so it can be released. You are just fertilizing the soil so the seed inside of you can blossom.

Until next time,

Dominique