Category Archives: Spiritual Growth

Assay

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Assay-testing of a metal or ore to determine its ingredients and quality

noun

Synonyms: evaluation, assessment, appraisal, analysis, examination, testing

 

trials

God wants to test our ingredients, essentially see what we are made of and what we have been taking. He also wants quality assurance.

As you work on your spiritual growth know that testing will come. God will assay you. He will test you to make sure you are ready for the next level. Before you have success you will have stress. The testing is what is being done to make you better. When you are in the purification process it can be challenging but you know there is a reward at the end if you don’t lose faith.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/constant/

 

 

 

Waiting, Part 2

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My foundation was weak. I never thought about that before. I was doing all these things to show God I was ready for a baby but my walk was weak. I was rooted in the world. I wasn’t rooted in God. I was worshiping the promise but not the promise giver. I had made having a baby my idol because I put it before God. I had put it before God and I didn’t realize it. What is on your mind constantly? Is it finding a man? Is it a new job or promotion? Making more money, buying a new house? Be careful you could be making that thing an idol.

Self-care-dino-Resize

That is when I started my journey of self care. It was definitely a challenge. Self examination is a long process. I had to learn how to be content in the mean time. I didn’t want to do that because to me that meant that I was happy not getting what I wanted. That isn’t what it means though. I had to learn how to approach life differently. Would I continue to be happy and sad every 30 days, ruled by my menstrual cycle or would I get over myself? My friend often reminds me, everybody is waiting for something. This is a challenge I still deal on with on a regular basis. Six people I know had babies in 2017. I already know 3 or more pregnant women in 2018 and its only February! None of those women are me. I really do not understand why, the only thing I can say is that its not yet. Just like the captured Israelites in Babylon, I have to be ok because I could be in this space for a while. Jeremiah 29:5-14.

My pastor says, God doesn’t waste a hurt. You go through things so that you can encourage others that are in your situation or in a similar situation. I know this is a story that God wanted me to tell others. I always thought that it would After I was pregnant and had overcome this that I would share.

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However I see now that isn’t the case. God wants people to see me as I go through, not on the other side. God wants me to work on my image problem. I was ashamed. You are made to believe that women are put here on Earth to reproduce and if you can’t do that then something is wrong with you. In my telling the story after it happened I can control what people think of me. They can’t pity me or feel sorry for me, if its after the fact. That is what has taken me so long to say anything because when people ask why we don’t have kids yet and I say we are having trouble, I often feel pity from them. That’s my perception anyway. I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me. I am blessed. I actually had a person tell me my life sucks, which is definitely not the case.I have also gotten a lot of basic advice that I didn’t ask for, lol. This story is bigger than me though. If even one person is able to take something away from this then it was worth it.

Now that I got that out, in my next post I will talk in more detail about what to do in the meantime. How do you handle waiting on God? Essentially, how do you wait well?

Waiting, Part 1

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I have been wanting a baby a long time. A strong 5 years I would say. I still don’t have one but I’m not giving up hope that it will happen. I haven’t always had the mindset of not wasting my wait. Some years I was on it. No drinking, hard partying trying to get my body and mind ready for baby. Other years I was more let’s just see what happens. People get pregnant everyday with much worse life styles then the one I’m leading. I’ve been to specialists and all kind of things to no result. The only conclusion they could come to is that there is nothing wrong me. Fantastic! Before you think it, my husband sperm count is off the charts. The doctor went on about it so much that I started to develop a complex.

The worst thing about waiting is when you want something and there is no explainable reason why you don’t have it. I’m not old. There is no history of infertility in mother or grandmother. Unexplained infertility effects 20-30% of women every year. I’m glad to see celebrities like Gabrielle Union, Crissy Teigen and Tia Mowery-Hardict speak out about their challenges. It certainly helps ease the stigma.

What are they doing in the mean time? How are they handling the wait? I could be wrong but I dont see as much discussion about that. I’m sure you are going to set goals for this year. Unfortunately they may not all happen and it won’t matter how much hard work you put in or how hard you pray. I’m not saying that to be mean or a hater. It’s just a fact of life. What are you going to do in the mean time?

I did IVF (in-vitro fertilization) in Feb (had to stop) and then again in March of last year. As you can see it didn’t work. I was devastated, especially since there isn’t anything medically wrong with me. The doctor was sure it would work. He told us we were betting with house money. Nope! Got to the final stage of the process when he was like, oh I wasn’t expecting this. My bad for getting your hopes up. Welp. That was the end of that. I had to make a choice. Clearly this baby thing wasn’t happening right now.

I asked God want did he want me to do. What lesson was he trying to convey? What hadn’t I done that I needed to do? There were definitely some things I needed to tweak. My mindset, my attitude, my spiritual walk. God had been telling me to do some things for a while that I had been dancing around. This blog being one of them. I went to see a holistic nurse in May and she told me the same thing the fertility specialist told me nothing was physically wrong with me but I had a root issue.

When your friends spiritual walk doesn’t match yours

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What do you do? Start by asking yourself some questions. Are they hindering my spiritual growth? Are they keeping me from God? Am I being negatively influenced by this person or people? If you can answer no to any of these questions that is a good thing. Are they helping you grow in some other area in your life? Do they encourage you, give you sound advice? Are they a strong shoulder to lean on? Diversity is important. I used to hang around the same kind of people all the time. The experiences I was getting were limited so I decided to expand my horizons.

It has been good. It allows me to share my walk with others while also to learning things from them. Its a good give and take. 

My pastor says choose believers for your best friends. I have certainly have that even if their spiritual walk isn’t strong as mines. That can sometimes be difficult. If your friends are good people don’t ditch them but you need some people who are on the same level as you are or higher. You need people to pour into you as you are pouring out into others. Remember to not be judgmental because you were once in the same place they were. I’m not perfect. There are still things I need to work on. Just because I may read the bible more or not engage in the same sin they do doesn’t make me better. You either. We all fall short of what God wants for us. Thank God for new mercies everyday. 

wia

It’s hard because you realize you found something good, you want other people to have it as well. It’s an issue I struggle with often. I don’t understand why the people I love don’t always get it and I often don’t have the words to explain it. I just hope I am a good example. I have to remind myself that I only can do so much and I am not responsible for anyone’s actions but my own. I just have to pray and allow God to do only what he can do.

You may not want to be involved with conversations you used to have or want to go places you used to go. The pressure to fit in can be hard sometimes. My FOMO (Fear of missing out) can be strong! I want to know what is happening and be there when it does, lol. Continue to stay strong though, if they are your friends they won’t put you in positions that make you uncomfortable.

fomo

Try to find a group of people your age at church. I know a lot of people don’t like church and have their own issues with it but its a great place to find like minded people. If you really can’t do church try to find online communities, although nothing is the same as in person. I know people will disagree but if you want to grow spiritually you need to be a part of God’s community. I read a lot of books, watch sermons online, listen to podcasts and read my bible but there is something to be said about being in God’s house.

Image result for hebrews 10:25a

Being around your friends who may have different faith walks then yours is ok, just remember not to compromise your faith for anyone. The longer you consistently walk with God you will find a balance.

100% Authentic

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100% of the time. Are you doing that? I’m not saying you dont cuss out your coworker for asking you some dumb question. More along the lines of are you uncompromising in your beliefs all the time in action and in truth. That question hit me like a ton of bricks in Sunday School.

No. I am not. I’m close. I am myself at home, work, and church. I spend the majority of my time at the first two so that makes good sense. I’m trying to spend more time at church by going to Sunday school, serving etc. I haven’t been 100% honest in my dealings with my friends and it weighs on me. Outside people don’t know the person you used to be, so any changes you make, it makes no difference to them. With your friends its different to let your guard down because they have seen you at your worst, they were probably with you when you were doing it. lol. Seriously though, rejection is a hard thing to deal with. Your friends probably won’t reject you but will they start excluding you from things? Maybe. Will they care enough about you and less about the things you don’t want to do or hear anymore to not exclude you? Its a risk I haven’t always been willing to take.

I haven’t been completely authentic here. Not that the words I’ve said haven’t been true. It’s more that I’ve held myself back to not offend anyone or make people feel bad about their choices. This blog isn’t for that person though. I don’t want anyone to feel condemned but I do want you to feel convicted so you can make better choices. I had a reader send me a question about spiritual growth. Side bar: yay! People are reading and thinking about things. It was a great question but I havent posted the response because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I may not hurt their feelings  but the thought makes me sad that what I say could cause anyone even a moment of grief.

I think to much about what other people think and how they feel. In doing so, I slowly compromise on the things I believe. Every time I hold back my true feelings in fear of what someone is going to say or what they think I’m not being authentic. I don’t need to express every thought I’m thinking, especially if it is not helpful or building someone up. However, I know there were times when I kept silent when my opinion might make a difference. When I walked a statement back because it didn’t jibe with the majority.

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God called us to be set apart, not stand with the crowd. Standing alone is hard though. In some ways I envy these young kids, high schoolers and college kids. They are taught to be individuals, for better or worse they are themselves all the time. People don’t fault them for it either. When I was in high school all I wanted to do was fit in, I didn’t want to stand out from anyone. As I have gotten older, I have learned to be more of an individual but sometimes I waver. Its hard to stand alone but when I lie in bed at night and think about my day, I want God to say well done. Eventually if you are standing alone, God will send the right people to stand with you, if you continue not compromise, if you don’t grow weary of doing good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spiritual check

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We are almost 40 days into 2018. I know you are putting together goals and vision boards and speaking affirmations over your life. This is all great stuff. One thing though, have you thought about your spiritual goals at all? As we get settled into the new year you should ask yourself some questions. Are you any closer to God than you were last year? Are you consistently having a quiet time? Have you memorized any bible verses? Writing goals down is great idea but you won’t be able to accomplish these goals nearly as well if you aren’t putting God first in everything you do.

I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish and do in summer of 2017. I literally made out a list the weekend before memorial day and prayed to God to help me accomplish every goal that I had set. It happened. I was surprised! It wasn’t difficult at all either. I wasn’t really solely on my own skills or abilities. As we walk into this new year, take stock of where your relationship with God. Try to make that a priority in 2018 as well, just as much as you want to go further in your career, exercise, and visit your Grandma more often.

Here is the spiritual check I did last month. SpiritualHealthCheck by Trevor J. Partridge

It is easy to understand and is broken down in to different sections. Scriptural reading, stewardship, sharing your faith, etc. Its gives you a range from optimal to you still need to work on some things. It definitely provided some clarity and direction for me in 2018. I know I need to work on stewardship, sharing my faith and scripture memorization. If you can, find an accountability partner. Someone that is going to help you stay focused and accomplish these goals.

Proverbs 16-9

I know I want 2018 to be a better year than 2017 was and I know that I can accomplish that by giving God my goals. Actually praying about the goal or the plan Before I decide to do it, not after. Praying before allows God to help you formulate the best course of action and it is saying, I give this to you Lord, and I trust your process and results. Its not to late to decide the course for the year. I didn’t decide until May that I wanted to turn my 2017 around and I am so glad I did. Write out what you want to do and talk to God about it. The best thing about writing it all done is that you watch God do all things you asked him to do.

Fasting

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I’m not Catholic but with Lent coming up on February 14, I have been trying to think about things to give up for 40 days. I like fasting oddly enough. Even though its hard when I first start, I appreciate the clarity it brings and the focus that I have on God during that time period.

Fasting is something you do for you, not God, it clears your mind so you can focus on him. Often times people believe that fasting has to be food, but from my experience but I don’t believe it has to be food. You can fast anything that is going to be a challenge for you, something that is potentially distracting you from God. Food may not be it for you. I tried to do the Daniel fast once, it was a disaster! With the Daniel fast you can’t eat meat or carbs or drink anything but water. Its pretty restrictive. Check out this website if you want more information.

ttps://draxe.com/daniel-fast/

The problem I had with the Daniel fast is that I was focusing more on the rules then I was on God. I had completely missed the point. I was becoming more frustrated and making the process more legalistic, the exact thing Jesus tells us not to do. Relationship is more important than rules, that’s the whole purpose of the new covenant. My care group, or small group, or bible study group, whatever name works for you, we fast every Monday night from 12 midnight to Tuesday at noon. We do this to draw closer to God before we have bible study on Tuesday evening.

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Fasting is something that I have been doing a lot of lately. I am waiting on God for a blessing and I don’t want the world to distract me and I also don’t want to start worrying about when it is going to happen. To stop myself from doing those things I have cut out distractions.  I just finished a 21 day fast. I fasted secular fiction books. This may not seem like a big deal but I LOVE to read. It is my most favorite pastime. Its how I unwind, cheer myself, distract myself from the world. However, its also a way for me to hide and not explore my feelings or answer tough questions. I’m not reading any books, I’m also not looking at much social media. Its been crazy! I have noticed how much more free time I have and how much more I read the bible.

This is the second time I have done this fast. I also did it for 21 days in September. I have certainly noticed changes and things that I need to watch out for. Fasting can put you in a spiritual bubble, which really is the purpose. I do it so I can show God I am serious about what I am asking for and that I am ready to make a change.

fasting

 

Lord, I want to be closer to you. Amazing things are about to happen and I want to be ready for them. I believe what you told me and I just don’t want to waver. I want to be  desperately be better but I just don’t know how. Help me please! I think that I am a good wife but I want to be better. If I am a better wife then I will be a better daughter, sister, aunt and friend. I want to seek your face and not your hand. I want to be closer to you.  Amen.

Burn it away

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Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight!
Psalms 32:1 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/psa.32.1.NLT

On Dec 30 my husband and I wrote down everything we were feeling guilty about and read them out loud. This wasn’t necessarily a confession but more of a let’s get this off your chest. It also wasn’t something that had anything to do with each other. One of mine was not calling my friends and mom more. After we read each other’s list.I set them on fire and watched them burn in the snow. Fun fact: I love setting things on fire lol. It was theraputic to watch them burn though. Never to be brought up again. No condemnation, no judgement, no nothing. Remember that as you are working on your new self in 2018.

as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:12 NIV
https://psalm.bible/psalm-103-12

Read this whole Psalm. It is really good. One of my favorites. Sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves when we mess up but God doesn’t. He gives us new mercies everyday

Is God your friend?

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Not until very recently. I used to think that I could do both, do God and do me too. I literally wanted to call this blog, doing God and doing me. I wanted to walk the line between secular and gospel, however the more I read the word, the more I realize that you can’t really do that. Its not really fair to God when you operate that way and I never looked at it before. I used to to think as long as I wasn’t breaking the Big Ten (commandments) that I was good. I went to church, I volunteer, I’m not a terrible person, but that wasn’t enough. God wanted to be my friend. He was definitely my father, my savior, but he wasn’t my friend.

Having God be your friend is a different thing entirely. You don’t tell your parent things that you tell your friends, you don’t invite your parent places you invite your friend. You are less inclined to talk to your parents everyday the way you would a friend. Its hard to imagine God as a friend, but I notice my life goes a lot smoother when I talk to him everyday instead of just on Sundays. I now try to talk to God several times a day and invite Him into everything I do, whether its partying or just chilling in the house. It has made such a difference.

I know it seems weird to think about God when you are drinking, partying or participating in other non church like activities, but God is there anyway. It would make it much easier if you just invited him along for the process. God can’t be are part time lover, only around when we need something. That is not fair to him. Do you ever let God talk to you or do you do all the talking? Nobody wants a friend that talks about themselves all the time. Have you asked him what pleases him? Do you ask for his advice (prayer) but then do what you want to do? Spiritual growth is more about memorizing scripture or reading your bible more. Its about growing closer in your relationship with God. Truly being able to call him a friend not only because you talk to him but because he talks back to you. You actually you use the things you he told you and live life in a way that is pleasing to him. I am not saying that is easy. Its not. Its crazy hard. The good thing about Jesus is that he isn’t judging us.  He knows and wants us to keep trying. He just wants to be a part of the process. So invite God in, he is already everywhere you are going anyway.

 

Deleting Facebook friends

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So I started deleting some Facebook friends over the last few weeks. I have mentioned before that while I love writing the subject matter can sometimes be raw for me, I’m revealing my flaws and my most personal thoughts. That isn’t something I necessarily  want everyone to see which is why I haven’t done a lot of advertising on Facebook. I started deleting people if I couldn’t remember how we met, their real name, or if their page had more negative content then positive. Lol

As I was going down the list though I noticed I was hesitating over some names than I probably should have been deleting. I didn’t though because their pages are entertaining. They always have interesting gossip or throwing shade, just all around messy.

God has been convicting me lately of some respectable sins. Respectable sins being sins that we tolerate. These things don’t bring honor to God but they aren’t “that” bad. The respectable sins I have been working on are swearing, gossiping and reading smut. I have gotten the swearing mostly under control. I quit reading smut cold turkey. That’s another post for another day. Gossip is hard though. I have always been fairly good about  not gossiping about people I know. I wouldn’t want people talking about me, so I generally don’t do it. However do celebrities count? If it’s on tv or Instagram does that count? If you are just a spectator are you still gossiping? Like they say on social media, often times I’m just here for the comments.

Mostly, I just want to be in the know. I know that isn’t what God wants though. I just started reading this book Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges. I definitely feel like he is coming at my neck. I read this book probably almost 10 years in my college bible study group but it didn’t do anything for me then. As I am reading it now has tons of highlights. I will write another post to tell you all about the book and my thoughts. I am working on gossip but I know this going to be hard for me because its so easy to do. I will keep you guys updated on my progress. Spiritual growth is my big thing for 2018. There comes a time in your life when you want to stop asking God so much what can you do for me, and more how can I serve you?  Come join me on this journey, it should definitely be interesting.

Are there accounts that you need to stop following? Things you need to leave behind in 2017. Take this time to really assess where you want to be in 2018 and what is holding you back in your spiritual growth.