Moving through grief

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I wrote this post in August 2022

I started and stopped this post several times, but this time I finally finished. I’m sharing this so you may have some insight in why I have been so sporadic in my posting over the last few years.

Grief is such a hard emotion to process. It was especially hard for me to process because I had no experience. I have never lost anyone before who wasn’t old. Losing those people was hard but I found solace in the fact that they lived long lives and it was time for them to go home.

I have suffered two loses in 2021 and 2022, less than a 6 months apart and it has been difficult. My favorite uncle passed away right before my birthday unexpectedly. It was awful. I can’t even drive to my hometown without thinking about him. ( this has gotten better) He taught me how to drive. I think about him randomly all the time. I didn’t even manage to get through this post without crying and I hate crying. (Didn’t make it this time either lol)

My mother in law passed away when she was young. I was even younger and she was the first, “young” person I knew that had passed away. I wasn’t caught in my own grief though I had to help my husband in all the practical ways that come when someone dies. She died in November and I don’t think I felt the pain of her death until her birthday in February, which was months later. It will be ten years this year and sometimes it still feels like it just happened.

I tried to write this months ago but I couldn’t. It’s wild because in the time it took me to stop and start this another one of uncles passed away. He was sick but I know plenty of people who have cancer and get better right? He didn’t. We went from a family of 4, down to 2 in 5 months.

I didn’t think I had the right to be sad, not like my mother who lost 2 of her older brothers or my brother who lost the only father figure he knew. Or my grandma who lost 2 kids back to back. But we had our own special relationship too and that should honored. Its so hard losing someone in pandemic times. Everyone is losing or lost someone. I didn’t want to burden anyone because it’s been hard on everybody. I feel better now. Mostly. (Even better now)

I haven’t really been able to write and I was wondering why? It has been a very hard year. Some ups but it feels like a lot of downs. Through all of this I have been grateful because God has kept me.

I try to write posts that are informational or encouraging or motivating but today I dont have any of that. I will say if you are grieving you will eventually feel better. (I do feel better)

What gives you direction in life?

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”The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.“

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭37‬:‭23‬-‭24‬ ‭NLT

Two things give me direction in life, one is the Lord, two is my purpose or my why.

The Lord seems like an obvious choice but sometimes I feel like he is a background character in people’s lives or a relative they only see on Sundays. If they do that.

He gives me direction because we talk everyday. I consult him before I make decisions. Not in the middle, of after things go wrong but before, during the planning process.

I allow time for him to give me ideas and I’m also open to his feedback. I do that by reading my Bible and not feeling my head with things that could take up space and crowd out what God is trying to say.

My why keeps me grounded when things get are hard. When I’m in a tough season, I know the work I’m doing isn’t fruitless because it will eventually pay off. The seeds I’m planting now are falling on fertile ground.

When I tap into my why it helps me prioritize what’s important and what’s not. Is this decision getting me closer to my goals? Will this action help future me or hinder her?

I know you probably see godly in that verse and think oh I’m not good enough for God to direct my steps but that isn’t true. If you are open to Him, he takes you as you are. He just wants you to accept the invitation.

Do you feel like you don’t know your purpose? Read this post I wrote about finding your purpose.

If you feel like you don’t know God very well just ask him to come in. He is always there, waiting for you.

Do you really believe it will happen?

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Then Jesus said to the disciples, “Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours.“
‭‭Mark‬ ‭11‬:‭22‬-‭24‬

Do you? What are you asking God for, a relationship, a job, a business plan, a book? Do you truly believe that he will help you or are you allowing past experiences to color your experience with God? Has God ever not come through? I know I’ve been disappointed by some of His decisions. However I could see the good in them. I know his no was for my protection. I know God isn’t setting me up to fail and I know he won’t play me.

Who are you going to believe? Your doubts and circumstances? Or are you going to believe the One that cannot fail? We talked about telling God what you need. Have you asked him to increase your faith? Ask him to help you in your unbelief. He doesn’t get angry when we do that.

Prayer: Father I pray for all of us who struggle to believe your promises. I pray that you help us in our unbelief. Help us wait on you and trust tour timing. Help us remember everything is for our good because you love us. Remind us there is a time for everything and hard seasons don’t last. Please lighten our load so we can focus on you. We thank you for having good plans for us and wanting us to prosper. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?
‭‭Numbers‬ ‭23‬:‭19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.” The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!
‭‭Mark‬ ‭9‬:‭23‬-‭24‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Even there

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Even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. Psalm 139:10

When David wrote this Psalm he said if he went to the depths of the sea or top of the mountains God would be with him. It sounds lovely, poetic even but not exactly practical.

Even though we are focusing on verse 10. David is telling us we can have comfort in Gods strength, presence, steadfastness. Read the entire Psalm when you get some time. It’s really good.

How do I make this verse more practical for me? I find a way to insert myself into the verse by creating a fill in the blank. This one is perfect because he isn’t talking about a specific place, it’s vague enough to apply to anyone.

Even there.

Fill in your word. Even at work your hand will guide me, even in a presentation your hand will guide me. Even in a difficult conversation your hand will guide me. Even in uncertainty your hand will guide me. Even receiving bad news, your strength will support me. His strength not ours. God is always with us, there is no person, place or thing that can change that.

What’s your there?

Prayer: Abba remind us that promise to always be with us, no matter the circumstances. You promise to guide us, strengthen us and bear our burdens. Thank you for never being far away. You surround us with your presence. Thank you for being in control and answering our prayers. In Jesus name I pray amen.

Talking about Joy

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The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.”

Psalms 28:7 NLT

What brings you joy? What gives you strength? In what do you put your trust?

As we talk about joy this week I want you to think about these questions. Write down 50 things that bring you joy, big or small. A few of mine are hot baths, fuzzy socks and reading .

The psalmist is saying he has joy because the Lord is strength and his shield. Strength in giving him power to get things done and shield by giving him protection. God helps him so he is filled with joy.

Joy-feeling of great pleasure and happiness (Webster definition) but biblically it’s bigger than that.

It’s a lasting emotion that comes from the choice to trust that God will fulfill his promises (Bible project.com) https://bibleproject.com/explore/video/chara-joy/#:~:text=It’s%20a%20lasting%20emotion%20that,God%20will%20fulfill%20his%20promises.

That’s why the psalmist can be so hopeful. God is giving him strength, he is protecting him and helping him. Joy can certainly be found in external things like hot baths and fuzzy socks. However long lasting joy comes from the Lord.

It can be hard to have joy when everything feels like a dumpster fire. In those moments you can pull up your verses on joy and let it work down in your spirit. You can also remember all the reasons you have to be thankful. List all the ways the Lord has blessed you this month.

Prayer: Father remind them that joy comes from you, not their circumstances. Help them recall their many blessings and how even when things weren’t going in the way they expected, you were there walking beside them. Help them trust you even when they can’t see all the steps. Thank you for walking beside us so that we can have joy each day.

Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.”

Romans 12:12 NLT

You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.

Psalms 16:11 NLT

I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul.

Psalms 31:7 NLT

Daily writing prompt

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Daily writing prompt
Describe one habit that brings you joy.
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One habit that brings me joy is my daily quiet time with God. There are not many things that will make me miss that time. I get to pour my heart out, whether things are going good or bad I know that talking to God will help me feel better. During this time, I journal, I read scriptures, I pray. The beautiful thing is that it doesn’t have to be a long time. It doesn’t have to be anything profound. I ask God to help me get through the day, I tell him what I am worried or stressed about, I give my day to him. He always listens and rarely interrupts. He is my bestfriend. Since we speak so often I know his voice and when I have questions he always answers. He may not give me the answer I want, but he rarely leaves me on read. lol. When I don’t have the time to make my appointment with God, I just don’t feel 100% but the awesome thing about God is that because he is always with me, I can talk to him anytime. Joy is a gift, a fruit of the spirit, but it also something we cultivate. We help it grow by our actions or we diminish it with our actions. Seek out things that bring you joy, it will help you feel good through out your days.

I’m back

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Hello! This has been a long time coming. So much life has happened since I made my last post 10 months ago. It’s like I had a new birth of myself. One version of me had to die for this new version to be birthed.

I went back and looked at some of my old posts and they were dark. The interesting thing is that I don’t remember what was bothering me last September or what that was referencing. I was still on maternity leave but who knows.

Going from 1-2 kids was a huge transition. Shout out to all the moms cause whew this is hard work! I used to want three. Yea right! I don’t know how we would have managed that.

I’ve been working on some of the things we talked about, self care and positive self talk, perfectionism and over thinking.

I’ve discovered new things I’m interested in like minimalism. More on that later. I’ve been fine tuning my writing and listening to the LORD’s promptings. I read 100 books last year. Only 12 were non fiction so I’m trying to increase it that number this year.

I’m trying to be more vulnerable and I’m learning that it actually works when you do it.

I’m working on showing myself more compassion and realizing that I can’t solve everyone’s problems.

Im working on the mom wife balance. I don’t want to just be a good mom but a good wife too. We’ll get more into some marriage stuff later on as well.

Writing/blogging has always been on my heart and I’ve missed it but I had to get back to it in my own time in my own way.

I’m excited for what the second half of the year is going to bring and what I will share with you. Come check me out when you have some time.

Until next time,
Dominique

What I’ve been busy doing when I’m not writing. My family. Jesse, LJ, and James.

Serving your enemies

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“If you do not serve the Lord your God with joy and enthusiasm for the abundant benefits you have received, you will serve your enemies whom the Lord will send against you. You will be left hungry, thirsty, naked, and lacking in everything. The Lord will put an iron yoke on your neck, oppressing you harshly until he has destroyed you.”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭28‬:‭47‬-‭48‬ ‭NLT‬‬

When I first read this verse with it being in the Old Testament I thought God was talking about real physical enemies. As I read the Bible and think about it how it applies to us today, I changed my mind. He was making this statement to the Israelites but there are things we can use today.

How are you serving the Lord? Are you serving the Lord at all? Are you doing what he asks you to do? How are you spending your time? How often do you get upset over the things you didn’t get or don’t have? How often do you re-play a problem over and over in your head?

What are your enemies? Not necessarily who. It’s not often I have human enemies. But I battle other enemies like overthinking, comparison, and anxiety. I can also be my own worst enemy. Every time we complain and forget all the blessings that God has given us we are serving our enemies. We will be left hungry for peace, thirsty for hope, lacking in strength.

Our enemies are like a yoke around our neck. These things will continue to weigh us down if we are not careful. When we focus on our problems and not on God we will be destroyed. Destroyed sounds harsh but when you are left with nothing that’s when you truly turn to God. I don’t want to get to that point and you don’t have to either.

Remember to count your blessings when you want to complain. Think of all the things that God has done for you and will continue to do for you if you only trust him. Make a list of all your answered prayers. This is a good reminder that if he did it before he can do it again.

Lessons learned as mom of 2

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I originally wrote this post September 10, 2022. It seems appropriate to post now that my youngest is now 1.

I have (mostly) let perfectionism go. When I had my older son I was still all about making sure my house was clean as possible, that I always looked presentable, that the baby looked presentable. This time around all that is out the window. My in laws came to see the baby and I ran out of time to clean everything, welp you get what you get.

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Babies arent as delicate as you think. This younger one is definitely not being treated with kid gloves like the older one was. He’s good lol

It really is easier the second time. Having the gift of experience did wonders for my anxiety.

People will help if you ask them but you gotta be specific. We’ll talk about this more but telling people exactly what we needed has made a big difference.

Take the time you need. Your partner surely will.

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Mom guilt is 2x stronger. I often feel like there is only so much of me to go around and everyone wants a piece. How do I combat that? Honestly I’m still figuring it out.

You can do hard things. Im breastfeeding this time and it has been going a lot better. Last time was so difficult and I gave up too soon. This time even though he didnt latch in the hospital, I decided to try again once we had been home about a week. He latched! I was so surprised. We just kept working at and we have been more successful.

Trust the process. I used this with breastfeeding. If you have breastfed or seen it happen you know can’t tell how much the baby is getting. When I was pumping before he latched I knew exactly how much he was getting. Now that its straight from the tap its harder to tell. I know there are signs to look out for but that doesn’t really help in the moment. For now I will take it one feed at a time.

Take things one day at a time. I’m a planner by nature and I had all these lists that I wanted to get done while I’m on maternity. I felt better this time sooner so I wanted to be productive. Nope! Keeping this baby alive is all the productivity I need for a while.

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Don’t forget your partner. Now that I have two children, my marriage ended up taking a back seat. My baby is one year and my husband and I went a long time this year without any real dates or consistent quality time. We had to have some hard conversations before we really started being intentional with one another again. Its easy to forget him, not because he isn’t great, but because I am trying to make sure that everything is done well and these kids are still alive, I don’t always prioritize the other adult here. That’s not fair to him. We will definitely talk about this more because its a work in progress.

The jump from 1 to 2 was crazy. I used to want three kids. What was I thinking?! I know people who have 3 or more kids so it can certainly be done. But having those kids out number adults just seems so hard to me. Now that I have two, I’m good. Now that my baby is 1 its easier, but when he was fresh, it was a lot of work.

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Don’t forget the self care. I am the first to admit I didn’t do well with self care this year. I know better. I haven’t read as many books, or had my quiet time, or written like I like too. But I will, I have the second half of the year to clean it up and I have started to. I got a massage, took myself to dinner, spent time with friends. I am getting there.

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You can do things a different way. My quiet time doesn’t look the same and hanging out with my girlfriends doesn’t look the same but that’s ok. As long as its happening, that is what counts.

Remember while you are being a mom, that you are also a wife, a friend, a daughter. I have the two children that I prayed for and it hasn’t always been easy but I wouldn’t change anything. Being a mom is the most rewarding and challenging thing I have ever done. Don’t lose yourself in your children, that’s not doing anybody any good.

Are you mom of 2 or more? Any advice or tips? Are you thinking about having more than one kid? Lets chat in the comments.

Until next time,

Dominique

When it rains it pours

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What do you do when it feels like you can’t catch a break? I feel like that right now. My older son just got out of the hospital a month a go. He’s been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that he will fight the rest of his life. He is 3 years old. It doesn’t seem fair that he should have to deal with this at such a young age. But he does.

The Word says God doesn’t make mistakes but it sure does feel like it sometimes. God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection. Psalms 18:30 NLT

So what do you when it feels like you take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back?

Pray for strength.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 NLT

Remember Gods promises.

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:8 NLT

Reach out to your community for support.

I have been working really hard on not telling people “I am fine”. I am not. Trying to hold it all together is hard and isn’t getting me anything. I am trying to use my village as much as I can.

Continue your self care.

When you become a caregiver its easy to put yourself last. As a mom, its something I was already used to doing. It has only gotten worse, so I am trying to carve out little sections of time for myself. This is still a work in progress, lol.

Don’t stop praying and talking to God.

This has probably been the hardest of them. I love God but I don’t know if I like him very much right now. I am trying to maintain the relationship though. I know that God will give me strength to get through these hard times.

Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him. 1 Chronicles 16:11 NLT

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. Psalms 73:26 NLT

I hope this helps you when you hit a rough times. Its a good reminder for me. I solicit your prayers as well, because we have a long way to go.

Until next time,

Dominique