10 things I’ve learned since becoming a mother

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1. Empathy- no one helps. People literally watch you struggle. I never noticed this before. Being a mom has shown me how to express feelings outside of myself and better understand other people’s emotions.

2. Patience- with myself, family, friends, the baby, its crazy. Patience was a big lesson I needed to learn. If I would have become a mother earlier in my life I wouldn’t have gained this skill set. Listening to babies cry or throw their bottle at you, patience is what you need.

3. Dont compare- to my old self, to my husband, to other moms, nobody. I thought the biggest comparison would be to other moms but I was definitely wrong on that. More on this in another post.

4. Be humble. Motherhood is nothing like I expected. I didnt have a ton of expectations but what I thought I knew I definitely was wrong. You can’t find all the answers on Google. It’s easy to sit on the sidelines and judge what you would do when it isn’t your kid but having a kid of your own changes things.

5. I can do more on less sleep than I thought. So little sleep. Its insane. I used to love taking a nap but now I just do without. Nap when the baby naps is really a lie. Lol

6. It’s ok to say I dont know what I’m doing or admit I messed up. Once I started talking to people about my feelings I realised I wasn’t the only person going through that or thought that way. Moms are expected to have all the answers and that’s just not the case. Lots of things are intuitive but not everything and it was nice to admit that.

7. I have to be intentional about my self care. Writing, alone time, spending time with my friends, all of it has to be intentional or it won’t happen. I hate to admit but I’m better about spending time with my friends than with myself sometimes.

8. Water truly does a body good. I have heard this but I never tested it out myself until I was pregnant and after. The rumours are true. I had to drink it when I was pregnant and the results were great. I’m trying to get back to that space.

9. I will receive tons of unsolicited advice and opinions. I most often bite my tongue. Ive gotten much better about this than when he was first born. People are just trying to help. Their intentions are good. More on this in another post.

10. Everything has changed. I am ok with that. I have been trying so hard to be the person I was before but that girl is gone. A new better person is emerging.

I am stronger than I think I am.

My son just turned one. The hardest thing to put into practice is the self care. Its so easy to put yourself on the back burner when you have a kid.

I can expand on just about everything on this list. So much of this can be unpacked. I will in the upcoming months.

Black lives matter

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O our God, won’t you stop them? We are powerless against this mighty army that is about to attack us. We do not know what to do, but we are looking to you for help.” 2 Chronicles 20:12 NLT https://bible.com/bible/116/2ch.20.12.NLT When I read this verse I immediately thought of Black Lives Matter. I don’t typically get political or overly racial because I want everyone to feel comfortable when they come to my page. The Lord doesn’t see color but we all do. I am not trying to offend anyone and if you are offended you should ask yourself why. Black people are up against a powerful army that is steadily killing us and it is racism. As protests break out across the country we need everyone to join together to fight for justice. We dont all need to protest but we all can do something.

The prayers of the righteous are powerful and effective, but as my pastor says put feet on those prayers. Donations are an excellent way to assist without having to be on the front lines.


As all this civil unrest happens ask yourself what can I do? What role do I play as history is being made? What skills has God placed in me that I can use for the betterment of others?

Talk to your friends, family and church members about racism. People try to hide their racism behind biblical rhetoric. Don’t let them. Don’t let people tell you they are color blind. That’s not good either! There is nothing wrong with seeing color, just respect people’s differences. Its ok for us to be different. God made each of us unique.

We each need to ask God how can we contribute to making the world a better. How are you helping in your community? At your church? At your job? Racial conversations can be uncomfortable but we are called by God to be better, to be examples, to be leaders. You may be the only example that someone sees. Don’t feel discouraged if you dont think your message was recieved. We are in the seed planting business, God reaps the harvest. In other words we are not responsible for the consequences only to give the information. So I implore you…

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.
Romans 12:9 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/rom.12.9.NLT

Action steps and resources

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/09/color-blindness-is-counterproductive/405037/

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/support-the-black-lives-matter-movement

https://www.ted.com/playlists/250/talks_to_help_you_understand_r?utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=social&utm_term=social-justice&utm_content=later-7575732

Spiritual check

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I know that 2020 has kind of had a dumpster fire of a year especially after having such a promising start. So much is happening in the world, it is easy to lose your faith or struggle with God right now. There is a lot happening with Covid-19. We are spending time in our homes much more than we ever intended, people are reading more, watching more, learning more, trying to make good use of this time. These are great ideas! I am trying to do more of these things myself. I would hope that you would take some of that energy and apply it to your spiritual life as well.

The first three months of the year have already gone by. Have you thought about any spiritual goals you may have set at the beginning of the year? Are you trying to read your bible more? Extend your quiet time? Pray for not only yourself but your, friends, family and neighbors. These are challenging times and it is very easy to do too much of the wrong thing while trying to cope. There are some great resources on the internet right now. Churches are livestreaming, bible studies are online, Sunday school. I haven’t been to Sunday school in almost a year but since it has been meeting via Zoom, it has been a lot easier to go to. Don’t just use this as an opportunity to binge Tiger King or Love is Blind but take in some good things as well.

Progress over perfection

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I’ve been avoiding my blog because since I have become a new mom I really haven’t the time to dedicate to it that I did before I was pregnant. You know how you avoid someone you haven’t talked in a while. Like we don’t have any beef but at this point its kind of awkward if we talk again. What will we talk about?

Several people have asked me and I didn’t want this blog to turn into a “mommy blog”. I don’t feel like I have a enough experience to speak about that, although I know that is the kind of vulnerability people are looking for.  I don’t want to alienate any of my readers though. I didn’t read mommy blogs when I wasn’t a mom. Its a new element of my life and it will be featured but I am going to try and not let that dominate my content.

I heard this phrase progress over perfection the other day and it really touched me. I want this blog to be the very best of me and I would like it to reach hundreds of people. To do that I need to dedicate more time into making sure its good. At what cost though?

The writing is never the problem. That’s my passion. The gift that God gave me that I haven’t been using to the fullest. I felt like God gave me the greatest gift of all time, my baby boy but  I haven’t been giving him back his gift. I’ve talked about this before, using the gift God gave you. I’m trying. I heard once that Jesus is gentleman, he never pushes you. I have been getting subtle hints for a while now, different verses and confirmation. I saw this on Instagram and just decided to go for it.

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Its always the extra stuff, the pictures, the memes, the gifs that I add in to make you want to read and keep coming back. I wrote all summer while I was off on maternity leave but I have posted any of it. That’s about to change.

Content will be coming out, not as often as before. I am thinking once a week or twice a week at first and see how that goes. I appreciate all the followers I have for sticking by me. So we are back on the train again. Funny thing this is when I started posting on the blog when the blog first began. Welp, I’m back at it. Come hang out with me!

Don’t be afraid of your blessings

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A girl in my small group said this to me and it has changed my whole outlook on my pregnancy. When I found out I was pregnant, I can’t say I was overjoyed or crying or jumping up and down. I was in a state of disbelief. Literally. I thought it may have been a false positive. I went to the drug store to buy another test but God stopped me.

I am a chronic over thinker but I wouldn’t say I was an anxious person. That has changed. I was worried about anything and everything. I was essentially Googling myself into panic. I unfortunately know of too many unhappy endings. Almost everyone of my friends cried when I told them about the baby. It was overwhelming. Then I started to worry about was I hurting God’s feelings by not being grateful. Fear was definitely overriding my joy.

overthinking

I’m listening to this girls memoir and she talked about not auditioning for Dreamgirls because she was afraid. They asked for her to try out and she never made herself available to audition. Seems like a dumb thing to do, but I definitely understand how she feels.

I am in a much better space now.  I appreciate that God allows us to work things out in our own way in our own time. He was never upset with me about how I was reacting, I was upset with myself because I was comparing myself to other people. In my post Being pregnant, I talked about my friend being surprised about how I was treating the pregnancy. Being afraid of my blessing was definitely the reason. Another thing about that is trying to be cognizant of everyone’s feelings around me. I have been the girl that is wanting and waiting and I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. I have read articles from being with fertility issues feeling the same way. Its hard because nobody I know personally has been in this situation before.

something happened

Anybody can run into this issue. Its called the Imposter Syndrome.

The questions of, do I belong here? Do I deserve these blessings? Am I good enough? I was big on waiting on the other shoe to drop. It doesn’t have to be that way. Something bad is not necessarily going to follow this good thing.

I had to remind myself that I do deserve these blessings and that God is a promise keeper. God wants us to be happy on this side of heaven. Let the good times roll!! I won’t be blocking my blessing by being afraid of them. I will embrace everything that God gives me with joy.

Let the good times roll

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Recently I have been in a very good place in my life, work is good, Being pregnant, my husband got a new job. We have no complaints over here. Its been a long time since I have been able to make this kind of declaration. It’s an exciting time in my life with lots of changes and growth. I must admit that its been going to my head a little bit. Its very easy to spend time with God everyday when things are not going well. When you are in a PIT (personal intense trial, Wendy Pope) all you have is the Lord.

I talked about this some previously in Using your gift about not doing what I knew I was supposed to be doing because I was so sick. I had a decent excuse then. I was so giddy and happy that it was hard for me to focus on my bible reading and nothing was holding my attention for very long. I knew I needed to get back on track but I just didn’t know how. I asked this question in the leadership class I take at church.

How do you maintain the same level of personal relationship with God when things are going well? 

We have seen many fall in the bible fall victim to their own success, Saul, Solomon, Nebuchadnezzar, just to name a few. I don’t want that to happen to me. A young lady in the class gave a great answer to my question. She talked about Asa a king in the Old Testament. Asa was king during a time of peace and what he did during peace time was tear down idols and prepare for war. This makes perfect sense! This brings up another set of questions.

How do we today tear down idols? How do we prepare for war?

Clearly we don’t have physical idols to or battles that we need to prepare for but what spiritual idols do you need to tear down? What spiritual battles do you need to get ready for? I am going to talk about how to do this in my next post.

 

To hug or not hug

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At my church we have a welcome at the beginning of service. During this time you are supposed to get up and greet your neighbor. I personally am not a big hugger, not with strangers not with anybody really. I am getting used to doing it more as I get older but it is definitely something I have had to grow into.

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Our pastor preached in a sermon not to long ago that if you don’t hug people during the welcome then you are being selfish. I could not believe it! Selfish! That seems a bit harsh. He went on to explain by not hugging your neighbor that you are holding back a piece of yourself. The person sitting next to you may not get a hug or a smile into they come back to church the following week.

His main point was community. I can understand that but do I need to express that with physical touch?

Its funny, I wrote this on Sunday and then I was at my in laws yesterday and my father in law asked me for a hug before I left, no problem. My mother in law asked for one, which I obliged and she said that it should be an automatic. Family shouldn’t have to ask for hugs. She didn’t seem to like my response of you can’t make me hug anybody, family or not.

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Am I wrong for this? Am I sending out bad vibes? Would you not feel as loved by your family and friends if they didn’t hug you or didn’t offer one first? I didn’t grow up in a house that had a lot of public displays of affection. We were definitely not huggers. I can’t say that I want to pass that down to my son, I want to be more affectionate with him. I don’t want to overdue it either. I’m not sure if I will ever be comfortable hugging strangers. Any tips on how I can be a better hugger? Does it matter? Let me know. In the meantime…

hug sent

Faith vs being realistic

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These two things don’t really go together. Faith doesn’t have anything to do with being realistic. It’s evidence of things unseen. Realistic means you have evidence, facts, proof. My God doesn’t operate like that. God can do anything,everything, the extraordinary. Things that are not realistic. Things that were deemed impossible.

Once he makes that impossible thing happen we have a responsibility to shout it from the rooftops. What a testimony! God won’t play you. He doesn’t give good things and take them away. He tailors each blessing to us as individuals. That’s why comparisons don’t work. What he has for you is not what he has for them and that’s ok. We don’t know what God is saying to them, we only see outcomes.

Faith is not pretending everything is ok. Faith is facing the facts and not getting discouraged. You got this! Insert whatever your *this* is.

Its easy to be scared when you don’t know the outcome and you spend a lot time in the dark. Even if God told you, would you believe him. God told the Israelite’s for years they were going to be captured by Babylon but they didn’t believe him. He told Sarah the next year she would have a baby and she laughed!

God is in the blessing business. Period. When the timing is right. Not a second before. He doesn’t tease. He doesn’t lie. He is not like man. He doesn’t start things and not finish them.

As we embark on the new year we always have new things that we want to accomplish. Being realistic always seems to get in the way of that however. You have something you want to do you should do it. Don’t let being realistic stop you from doing what you want. My pastor always says, if your goal is possible then where is the God factor?

Bible in a year plan

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It’s the beginning of the year so I know you are looking through your Bible app or bible trying to find a reading plan to get into and the bible in a year may sound good to you. You may not have read All the books in the bible and this is a great way to do get that done.

I did the bible in a year plan last year. Just finished on January 1. It was certainly a challenge. I probably won’t do it again though.

1. I unfortunately don’t remember a lot of what I read.
2. Sometimes I wouldn’t want to read based on book I was in.
3. Then reading became a job and not something I wanted to do.
4. I got bored. There are sections of the old testament that are just boring. No offense.
5. God seemed so mean in the old testament. Don’t get me wrong the Israelites were being ridiculous but God just seemed really harsh at times.

UPDATE: I haven’t really gotten back into a groove of bible reading since I finished my bible in a year challenge. What are you reading right now? I could definitely use some suggestions. I typically like to read a short plan with a longer plan for some variety but nothing is catching my eye.

Combat the devil with Gods word

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I have heard this a 1000x but I can’t say I always do it. The other day I was kind of spiraling. One bad thought lead to another and my perspective was going downhill fast. My brain started recalling scripture that I read to tell.myself that isn’t true. That’s the devil talking. I see now more than anything why they say put on the full.armor of God.

The biggest problem was that I don’t retain enough of the bible I’m reading so when I need to recall a verse I don’t remember it or only pieces. That doesn’t help much. I’m trying to push myself to read more slowly and write things down. This is basically just me being more intentional with my bible study.

It’s hard to know if it’s you or God talking if you don’t know his word. The bible can feel really boring at times. Mix it up. I think I got in a slump because I am reading a bible in a year plan and I have been in the old testament for a while and it is wearing on me. Usually as I read my bible in a year plan I read another topical plan as well to mix it up. I haven’t recently been doing that though. I want to put on the full armor of God. The devil is constantly taking shots at me and I need to have my defenses ready. The best way to do this is to stay in the word.

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