I know I was pretty casual about announcing my pregnancy. I have been that way the entire time. People always think its really funny. I am not trying to downplay anything. I don’t I have been this happy and overwhelmed at the same time in my life. The only other time I can think of is when I was planning my wedding.
One of my bfs said that I am acting way differently then she thought I would about this pregnancy. I am not sure at all what that means. I’m going to ask her before I post this so I can have an answer for all of us. UPDATE: Still don’t have an answer to this. It will be in the part 2.
When I first found out I was pregnant it literally came out of nowhere. I went to the doctor in August to get some testing done, because I wanted to start trying again. The news I received was not encouraging. The doctor told me that there was no change from last year and that I probably would not be able to get pregnant without the help of fertility drugs. This was two days before my birthday, September 11. I left the doctor feeling pretty bummed but I was going to Toronto for my birthday that weekend so I rescinded to not be bitter. I told the doctor I didn’t want to go the fertility drug route, so even though she wrote me a prescription for Clomid, I never got it filled. A direct quote from my journal….
We got back from our trip (which was sooo much fun) and life moved on. Fast forward its the first week of October and my period is late. I didn’t think that much of it because I have had false alarms before. Took at test after about a week that was inconclusive. I continued to party and have a good time. Hence my I extended my summer vacation post. Still nothing after another week, so I take another test. Its positive!!
I didn’t think it was real. I thought I had a false positive. I think I walked around the entire first trimester in a state of disbelief. I was sick and felt awful but that was the only evidence I was pregnant. I lost 7lbs, it was not good. I believed God gave me this blessing but I just was so worried that I definitely didn’t enjoy the experience.
I wrote all that to say, its an odd place to be to be pregnant when it took so long to get there. For it to happen out of nowhere still blows my mind. I never doubted it would happen, I just thought it would take a few months, maybe at the end of the year or something.
UPDATE: There will definitely be a Part Two. I have a lot more to say about this subject it ended up getting posted before I was finished. Stay tuned.
God gives each of us a gift. He decided it that way before we were born. When God gives us a gift we are supposed to give it back to him. I can’t say knew that. It makes sense. He doesn’t give us a gift just for us, it supposed to be for his glory and for others not for us.
All the years I was messing around on blogging. People had been telling me for years my gift was communication. I didn’t believe it because it was too easy. I asked God to tell me what my gift was and he told me in new it all along. It has been a great relief to know what God wants me to do and I felt relieved to do it. I felt immense pressure before I was obedient so I’m glad I listened to God even if it took me some time to do it.
I haven’t been blogging in a while because I have been on my summer break. I felt ok about this for a while anyway. Then I read a devotional about giving your gift back to God. God didn’t give me a gift to keep it to myself. It supposed to be used for others. I had hurt Gods feelings and I didn’t even know it. I also was being disobedient because he told me to write and I haven’t really been writing. He didn’t tell me to blog per se but I haven’t even been journaling really and that’s my primary way I talk to God. I can’t be surprised that I was asking God questions and he wasn’t really answering or I was questioning if it was him because I had fallen off on my communication.
I tend to go through this every season. It so easy to get into a slump if you are not consistent. I am proud that God trusts me to talk to His people about his goodness and that people think I am interesting enough to come here and read week after week. I won’t squander the gift God gave me. I think I was just taking the gift for granted. I am not going to do that anymore either.
Before my 33rd birthday this year I declared it would be my Jesus year.
I saw it on the internet and thought it sounded pretty cool. A year to focus on my ministry, a year to focus on others and not myself, a year of growth and improvement to get me ready for whatever God wanted me to do next. It sounded good. Definitely didn’t end up happening that way.
30 days after my birthday I found out I was pregnant.
Wasn’t expecting that to happen. Then I was pretty sick, October, November and the beginning of December. First quarter of my Jesus year I spent it asleep. Not good.
I was disappointed because I had a totally different outlook on what 33 would look like. I picked up some bad habits because when you don’t feel good it’s hard to feed your body or mind good stuff.
2nd quarter has started and I am picking up steam. Teaching a Sunday school class on being patient and waiting well. I know tons about that. I’m trying to get back on my blogging schedule. I blocked social media on my phone so less distractions.
What I love most about Jesus is that he gives second chances. He wants to see us improve and will wait for us to do so.
You ever notice when you over stay your welcome someplace? At first everything seems ok but then things start feeling a little funny. I noticed something was off but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I realized what was wrong. I had backslide. The backslide is so subtle you don’t even notice you’re doing it. I extended my summer vacation. I was supposed to get back on my grind after my birthday which was in the middle of September. Going back to work full time and being at school all day, getting a puppy and trying to add extracurricular activities has been a lot.
So its easier to come home and not do to much. Its easier to make excuses for hanging out because the weeks have been so busy. Nope not good. I have been slacking on my bible reading and writing. I still read but it’s just the verse of the day. I know God expects more from me than that.
I haven’t been to church that much recently because we have been out of town. Then it was easy to miss the couple of weeks we have been back because we haven’t already been going.
The saddest thing about this extended summer vacation is that I haven’t been writing. Its real easy to not do things. I would have never though that an entire two months would go by and I hadn’t blogged anything but my creative juices weren’t flowing. Well…that isn’t really true, its more I had plugged up the hole and stopped the flow. I was more interested in what I wanted to do than what God wanted me to do.
This is exactly what I did. I slipped back into my old ways…not good. I am happy that God treats us better than we treat him.
Life has come at me very fast but it has all been very exciting. I will tell you about it in the coming weeks.
I’m back! Ideas have been coming in hot and heavy and I am excited to get back to doing what I love to do, which is to write. Thanks for hanging in there with me.
I got a Fitbit for my birthday and I must say I love it! Go husband, for my buying me something that I would have never bought myself. It is so cool, I am definitely late on the train in getting one but I am glad I did.
You all know how I told you that I go from 0 to 100 real quick.
So of course I went on there and set the hardest goals possible and start tracking everything to see where I am at. The numbers were decent. I exercised like 3x this past week. I met my step goal 4/5 days.My water drinking was garbage, definitely need to improve on that. I was trying to do 64 oz a day. So four 16 oz bottles at home and four 16 oz bottles at work. That is really hard and wasn’t working well for me. Is anybody embarrassed after drinking so much water how often they have to go to the bathroom?
I didn’t want to drink more water because I was tired of the bathroom breaks. I decided this week to try and drink three 24 oz bottles a day. I think this is a doable goal and even though its acutally more water its not going to feel like its a much water because its only three bottles a day. I have a ton of 24oz water bottles but I thought they were too small. I see people at work drinking for monster size water bottles and I feel like I need to keep up with them. False. I just need to get the water in.
I had a really good conversation the other day about being complacent vs being content.
My friend is known for the saying, there is growth in standing in place. This is not a saying that I had heard before but I was not fond of it. My whole life I have been taught, if you are not moving, not progressing, then you are not growing. However, the more I think about the power in standing still, I can see the growth in the concept.
A friend of mine sent me a really cool job offer, it was making more money than I currently make and mixing some of the things I really want to do into one standard role. It would definitely be a challenge for me and good move for me career wise. I told her I needed to pray on it before I submitted an application. I didn’t get any strong indications from God one way or another. I talked to a few people I trust. One person told me I should apply, why wouldn’t I? This was a great oppurtunity, which is true. I didn’t have to take the job, I could just go and hear what they had to say. My husband suggested this a well.
I really wanted to apply. I didn’t want to be turn down an oppurtunity because what if one didn’t come by again? Would I be kicking a gift horse in the mouth?
Ultimately, I didn’t apply. I know some people would think that is crazy but I don’t feel I made a bad decision. I had to think about my ultimate goals. My career is not my number one priority and I am ok with that. The job I have now allows me to work on all the goals I have right now. If I started someplace new I wouldn’t be able to go on maternity leave and that is something that matters to me. I am not saying I don’t wont to work. I do. I love the job I have. I want to have as close to “all” as possible. I just don’t feel a sense of urgency to leave my job right now. It works so well for my lifestyle.
I don’t want to be complacent. I want to continue to grow and thrive even if I am in the same space. When you plant anything, you lay the seed, water, and then you watch it grow. You don’t need to move it around, it will grow, as long as you take care of it.
I have been working in the same job for the last 4 years. I am a college counselor. I love my job and am I good at it. I recently made a move to a new school this year and it completely shook my confidence.
I have only been there a month but I have learned a lot of lessons in the last 30 days.
1. I don’t have anything to prove. I am good at my job and I don’t have to do it the same way the previous person did.
2. I can not be everything for everybody. I was literally running myself ragged trying to make every meeting, do every presentation, sometimes trying to be two places at once. It was unnecessary. I wasn’t giving anything 100% because I was trying to do too much.
3. I can make mistakes. I am not perfect and that is ok. Nobody is putting any pressure on me but me. I just need to relax and do what I’m good at.
4. Trust is a very interesting thing. I’m going to talk more about this in a later post. I don’t really know the team I am working with that well yet. I am used to being excluded from things and being left off emails so I have been just showing up places. I don’t need to, my counterpart hasn’t left me off anything. He hasn’t done anything for me not to trust him.
Being a new person is not easy for me, nor is change. When I first started it was hard. I was lonely and nervous and unsure of myself. 30 days later I feel more relaxed. I have made some friends and I am learning the lay of the land. This change is exactly what I didn’t know I needed. I am so glad that I didn’t block my blessing by being afraid.