Tag Archives: values

Can we have it all?

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Daily writing prompt
What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?
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Having it all means you have everything you want in life and there are no gaps. I unfortunately don’t think that you can have it all. There is a quote from Oprah that says you can have it all, but just not all at the same time. I believe this statement more. Everything costs and a person can’t be in more than one place at a time.

What is enough?

I feel like trying to “have it all” you are constantly chasing your tail because it’s never enough. You start making money, you want more money, you buy a nice house, then you want a nicer house, have one kid, folks start rushing you to have another. The goal keeps moving.

I don’t know about you, but I find it very difficult to give 100% at work, 100% to my husband and 100% to my kids, I didn’t add my other roles as a daughter, sister, friend.

I think trying to have it all can lead to burnout and unrealistic expectations.

Redefining “Enough”

Finding peace and contentment involves redefining what “enough” means to you personally. Here are some steps to consider:

  1. Identify Core Values: Determine what truly matters to you. This might include meaningful work, quality time with loved ones, personal growth, or health and well-being. Prioritizing based on your core values can help you allocate your time and energy more effectively.
  2. Set Realistic Goals: Instead of aiming for perfection in every area, set achievable goals that align with your values. Recognize that it’s okay to excel in some areas while maintaining a balance in others.
  3. Practice Gratitude: Regularly reflecting on what you are grateful for can shift your focus from what you lack to what you have. This practice can enhance your sense of contentment and reduce the constant desire for more.
  4. Embrace Imperfection: Accept that you cannot be perfect in all your roles. Allow yourself to be human, make mistakes, and learn from them. This acceptance can reduce stress and increase overall well-being.
  5. Quality Over Quantity: Focus on the quality of your efforts and interactions rather than the quantity. Deep, meaningful connections and achievements often bring more satisfaction than spreading yourself too thin.

“Having it all” might be an elusive goal, but finding a fulfilling balance is achievable. By redefining what “enough” means for you, setting realistic goals, and prioritizing your core values, you can lead a more content and balanced life. Remember, it’s not about achieving perfection in every role but about finding harmony and satisfaction in the journey.

Waking up

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wokeUsing this definition of woke, I think I was half way there. I definitely am fully aware. I am knowledgeable about my community and the world. However, while I am willing to access and critique systems of oppression. I wasn’t really doing it. Not hard enough anyway. I tried for so long to do what the US constitution says about keeping church and state separate. In current day society though, that’s not really a thing. I used my Christian values to let a lot of things slide, but no more.

I don’t know if someone would have asked me would I consider myself feminist. I definitely am not the person blaming everything on  patriarchy.

Beyonce and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Make Feminism Go Viral | KQED

I didn’t really consider myself a feminist either until I heard Beyonce’ say she was. I always thought feminism was a white woman’s thing. 

I don’t need to wear my blackness on my sleeve, its not something I can hide. However in light of everything that has happened lately I wanted to deepen my understanding around Black feminism, the patriarchy, systemic racism etc. I wanted to have the language to speak on things that were happening and use more than just my own experiences. So I have been reading/listening to more books, listening to different podcasts, joining book clubs, just trying to educate myself on some things I didn’t really know that much about.

The experience has certainly been enlightening to say the least. Its great to feel validated and know that you aren’t living in a vacuum. I have also discovered I have my own bias and privilege that I need to process. So you want to talk about race by Ijeoma Olu has a whole chapter on checking your privilege that had me shook. Once again I am thankful for COVID-19 because I wouldn’t have time to read/listen to these books if I was going into the office. I would have never read Eloquent Rage by Dr. Brittney Cooper who showed me that the patriarchy is in EVERYTHING because I lean towards fiction when I do have time to read or religious books.

I have been living somewhat in a bubble recently. I used to work in a space a few years ago where I felt like I was the “black representative.” Constantly checking and teaching people how not to be racist is exhausting.

tired go away GIF

giphy.com

Once Donald Trump got elected it got even worse. The election of Donald Trump showed me that people are not REALLY ready for change. Once I left that place, I kind of checked out. I thankfully don’t deal with a lot of racism in my day to day interactions anymore. However, George Floyd’s death really changed my perspective on what I thought I knew. I don’t know why his death made things different. Maybe because we are in quarantine and I am at home. Maybe it was seeing the callous and causal look of the police officer with his knee on his neck. 

Whatever the reason, I am glad for this awakening. 

Books I’ve read so far/listened to:

I’m still here-Austin Channing Brown

Eloquent Rage- Brittney Cooper

So You Want To Talk About Race-Ijeoma Oluo

White Fragilty– Robin DiAngelo

Books I’m going to read

How To Be An Anti Racist-Ibram X. Kendi (reading this now in a book club)

Hood Feminism-Mikki Kendall

 I’ll have separate posts talking about these books with what I’ve learned and what I thought.