Thats what holding a grudge. Drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It literally makes no sense, however people do it constantly. Why? Holding a grudge is in your mind you still having power over this person. You can replay it and rehash it, visualizing what you are going to say. It never dies, it just festers and grows like a cancer.
I’m not typically a grudge holder. I also don’t believe I’m easily offended. I try to look at things from the other persons perspective before I get upset about it. 9/10 times this usually works, however, a family member said something to me that really hurt my feelings. It changed the dynamic of our entire relationship. Its been a few years since this happened but I haven’t been able to let it go.
I have tried many times to let it go but soon as I start to talk about it I get all riled up again. As the holidays are coming around again, I know I’m going to see this person and I truly want to be over it.
1. They probably don’t even remember saying what they said to me
2. If they do remember they probably figure it wasn’t a big deal, they were ” just joking”
3. I need to consider the source. Does this person’s opinion matter that much? Why have I decided to give them so much power of over me?
I also need to see what part I have played in this. Holding on to this anger makes me very self righteous. Not good. Also could there be some truth to what they said and I didnt like being called out about it? Probably. Had I looked at how they must have felt to act that way? No. I have never addressed it either. I see this person, and speak, acting as if everything is fine and its not.
The holidays are upon us. We are going to be sitting with are family and potentially harboring hurt feelings and resentment. Don’t do it though. Holding the grudge is getting you absolutely no where and it is ruining the time you are spending with your family. If you decide you want to confront that person, you should but be cautious. Tell them how you feel but in a respectful manner, try to pull them to the side and do it in private. Don’t expect an apology because it may not come and you have to be ok with that. Its not about them, its about you. I hope your holidays go well and I will let you all know if I decide to say something to my relative that hurt my feelings. I may not, their opinion doesn’t mean as much to me anymore now that I have considered the source a little more. I am working on forgiving them but I will not forget, you don’t either.