Things that destroy your self acceptance don’t come into your life fully grown.-Steven Furtnick (book title) p.84

They sneak up on you out of nowhere. Its little seeds of doubt that we water every time we worry instead of prayer. Every time we don’t show up for ourselves and let ourselves down, by doing the thing we say we won’t or by not doing the thing that we said we would. You start to despise parts of you because you fall short of what you should be.

Should is a tricky word isn’t it? Webster defines should as what is probable. I read this really interesting article on postivepresent.com that talks about how negative the word should is. She says three things about should that really made me think.

Should takes away from your accomplishments. You have done great things in your life, even if you don’t think so, even if they are small things but should can make you feel like the things you done don’t matter. If you buy your first house at 35 you take some of the wind out of your own sales if you say , oh should have already owned a house. If you have a baby at 35, oh I should have two kids by now, its downing the fact you have at least one. Should takes away from the hard work you have put in to get you where you are right now.

Should takes you out of the present. The bible speaks often about about not worrying about the future. Matt 6. 25-34. It also tells us not to focus on things of the past. Isaiah 43:18

We talked before about blooming where you are planted. Not worrying about what is ahead. We didn’t talk as much about worrying about the past. I am not a person who lives with a lot of regret. There are somethings I wish I would have done differently or situations that I wish I would have handled better but I don’t regret them, I am a firm believer that things happen the way they are supposed to, whether that is good or bad. My should’s are  definitely more future based but I know plenty of people whose shoulds are in the past. I should have said this during that argument, I should have drank less at that party, I should have moved away from home when I had the chance. Neither throught process helps us be the best version of ourselves. We can’t move into the person we are meant to be if we continue to focus on what things should be.

Should sparks negative emotions. All should does is make us feel bad about ourselves when we may not need to. Where you are currently could be perfectly fine and appropriate for this moment in time. Should can make you feel guilty, or put a heavy burden of expectation that you don’t need.

Where are your shoulds coming from? Are they coming from who God expects you to be? Or are they coming from what your parents said? Are they coming from trying to keep up with what society says you “should” be doing? Are you comparing yourself to your friends, family, that rando you went to high school or college with? What does God say you should be doing? What are His expectations? Have you asked him lately?

Instead of letting should shape your self-worth, shift your focus to what is, who you are today, what God is doing in your life right now, and the grace He gives you to grow.

Maybe it’s time to trade your shoulds for shalls.

You shall be who God created you to be.
You shall walk in purpose, not pressure.
You shall live free of comparison.

Ask Him. Trust Him. Let that be enough.